Why the engagement ring?
I was sending out e-mails to friends on Facebook telling them about this blog and I came across at least 20 friends who are either married or engaged to be married. They range from a close cousin back in New York to college buddies that I used to hang out with all the time. Many of us have lived our separate lives and they have found their mates for the future.
I honestly thought that I would be married by now. Some background. My mother, father and two brothers were all married and with children at points in their lives by the time I graduated from college. I thought I would lead the same path. I always assumed that I would meet that someone that I would spend the rest of my life with, raise a family, blah, blah, blah.
Well, several factors came into play. I’ve been driven to a fault in some ways to have a successful career and that has probably impeded me from meeting someone special. I choose the wrong profession to have a family with. Also, I’ve been way too selfish at points in my life to even entertain giving up some of myself to someone else. I’ve been a terrible listener and narrow minded at points in my life and that’s not good. Finally, I think not having a car in college and not having the game to make me a baler or a shot caller hurt as well. However, I don’t think that’s the biggest issue.
It definitely isn’t the “fear of a commitment” issue. I’ve never cheated on a girl and never had the desire to. I think my biggest fear is the responsibility of it all.
Marriage means having to share financial responsibilities with someone. It means possibly preparing to bring children to this world. If I screw something up in my life, I’m cool with it because it’s my fate and I can live with it. I screw up a marriage, I’m messing with her life and potentially children’s’ lives and that scares the crap out of me.
I see all of the friends with their partners smiling and looking happy and content to have someone else in their life. I go to bed alone every night and am often lonely. Not “my life is worthless” lonely, but just wanting someone.
I think I would be a decent husband and father right now if that went down, but I’m working on being a good boyfriend and before I get to that point, I have to be an excellent me. What I’m trying to say is that all of this is in stages. I’m not completely content with who I am right now and until that happens, there is no way that I would have a happy and dare I say successful life as a husband and father.
Maybe all of my friends have reached this maturation process a lot faster then I have and if that’s true, that’s kind of frustrating. I joke with some that I may be 26, but I don’t feel older than 22, but the reality is that I turn 27 next month. I don’t want to be the “old dad or husband,” that wouldn’t be fun. But I still have a lot of life ahead of me and things to experience.
I’ve always said that you have to deal with the cards that God gives you. Not everyone is meant to look the same or experience the same life. I don’t think I’ve ever been ready to be engaged. I can’t control that. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. You just can’t force it and patience is hard especially when you look up and see couples all over campus, on TV, around town or on your Facebook and you are single.
But at least I have my money, because relationships are expensive. However, so are planning weddings and buying wedding gifts. That ring looks like it will hurt the wallet. Maybe I stay single a little while longer, for the bank account. Did I mention that my thriftiness with money (aka I’m cheap) may have something to do with the never engaged thing? It’s an endless cycle kids, just enjoy it and accept it.
Enjoyment and acceptance. That’s how I try to live.
I was sending out e-mails to friends on Facebook telling them about this blog and I came across at least 20 friends who are either married or engaged to be married. They range from a close cousin back in New York to college buddies that I used to hang out with all the time. Many of us have lived our separate lives and they have found their mates for the future.
I honestly thought that I would be married by now. Some background. My mother, father and two brothers were all married and with children at points in their lives by the time I graduated from college. I thought I would lead the same path. I always assumed that I would meet that someone that I would spend the rest of my life with, raise a family, blah, blah, blah.
Well, several factors came into play. I’ve been driven to a fault in some ways to have a successful career and that has probably impeded me from meeting someone special. I choose the wrong profession to have a family with. Also, I’ve been way too selfish at points in my life to even entertain giving up some of myself to someone else. I’ve been a terrible listener and narrow minded at points in my life and that’s not good. Finally, I think not having a car in college and not having the game to make me a baler or a shot caller hurt as well. However, I don’t think that’s the biggest issue.
It definitely isn’t the “fear of a commitment” issue. I’ve never cheated on a girl and never had the desire to. I think my biggest fear is the responsibility of it all.
Marriage means having to share financial responsibilities with someone. It means possibly preparing to bring children to this world. If I screw something up in my life, I’m cool with it because it’s my fate and I can live with it. I screw up a marriage, I’m messing with her life and potentially children’s’ lives and that scares the crap out of me.
I see all of the friends with their partners smiling and looking happy and content to have someone else in their life. I go to bed alone every night and am often lonely. Not “my life is worthless” lonely, but just wanting someone.
I think I would be a decent husband and father right now if that went down, but I’m working on being a good boyfriend and before I get to that point, I have to be an excellent me. What I’m trying to say is that all of this is in stages. I’m not completely content with who I am right now and until that happens, there is no way that I would have a happy and dare I say successful life as a husband and father.
Maybe all of my friends have reached this maturation process a lot faster then I have and if that’s true, that’s kind of frustrating. I joke with some that I may be 26, but I don’t feel older than 22, but the reality is that I turn 27 next month. I don’t want to be the “old dad or husband,” that wouldn’t be fun. But I still have a lot of life ahead of me and things to experience.
I’ve always said that you have to deal with the cards that God gives you. Not everyone is meant to look the same or experience the same life. I don’t think I’ve ever been ready to be engaged. I can’t control that. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. You just can’t force it and patience is hard especially when you look up and see couples all over campus, on TV, around town or on your Facebook and you are single.
But at least I have my money, because relationships are expensive. However, so are planning weddings and buying wedding gifts. That ring looks like it will hurt the wallet. Maybe I stay single a little while longer, for the bank account. Did I mention that my thriftiness with money (aka I’m cheap) may have something to do with the never engaged thing? It’s an endless cycle kids, just enjoy it and accept it.
Enjoyment and acceptance. That’s how I try to live.
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