Am I Still Tired of Being Lonely?

Well, I woke up this morning and was alive, and if anything else, that makes it a good day.

The response to my last post has been interesting to say the least. I don’t regret writing it at all, in fact, I’m happy that I did because that’s how I was feeling at that time and I always keep it honest in this blog. I walked to work with a smile on my face and I never do that.

Last night, I was emotionally going to a place that I don’t like going because it is painful and sad. However, it does exist so I have to accept it. I can either ignore my feelings and just live my live pushing those emotions away and lie to myself or confront them and hopefully find strength through it all.

Does the post possibly ruin any potential prospects in my dating life? I mean, if I read that post from somebody else, I would be concerned and want no part of that person. However, my response to that is it’s not like I’m tearing up the Nashville dating scene right now anyway. It is what it is but I have to do me (that sounds like a terrible rap lyric).

I’ve always had something to focus on in my life to distract me away from this stuff. I’ve always focused on my jobs, schooling, family, spirituality, my health and other things, and those are good things to focus on. I’m proud to believe that I’m a good employee, a good student and a good member of my family. I can always improve on being a better Christian. However, when I’m not working, in class, in the gym or with friends and family, that’s when I get feelings like I did late last night.

It’s the alone time in our lives that make us honest with ourselves. I don’t know how people in solitude can do it. Actually I can. I’ve always been a loner until recently.

The fact that I have people over to my house for legendary and epic pancakes and go to Tabouli’s on Wednesday nights are so out of character for me. Going out to Tin Roof and other bars, attending music concerts, I wouldn’t have done that a year ago, let alone five or ten years. Even my mother is surprised that I do this stuff and she knows me well. I’ve made an intentional effort to be more outgoing here at Belmont, but when you have rejections come across again and again, it reminds you why you were a loner all of these past few years. You remember why you always stayed in for the fear of being hurt repeatedly.

So the post was just a culmination of all of this stuff.

Do I see myself going through the rest of my life alone and not doing a lot of the stuff that I mentioned in the last post? Yes, I do. But I can also see myself meeting that cliché special someone and being happy. I don’t know what to expect and that’s exciting in its own way.

In the end, I’ll keep it moving as they say and try not to stress over it. If I don’t ever get that date or have that girlfriend, it’s ok. I have my health and everything else is extra I guess.

I’ll focus my attention on how hard I’ll spank my kids, continue to grow my mistrust in dolphins and penguins, wonder how I could pick Phoenix over San Antonio, wash some more clothes, wonder why I picked Toronto to be the wild-card team out of the AL and the Reds to finish second in the NL Central, what type of music Jesus would listen to and other topics of interest for all.

Until then, I’ll just keep living the dream.

I'm Tired of Being Lonely

It took me watching Good Will Hunting on a bus with my baseball team coming back from Martin, Tenn. on a dark night to realize something I’ve been wrestling with for a long time.

That darn movie having the main character finding his true love and going for her made me think. And just sitting on that bus going back to Nashville to my home alone again for another night just culminated my emotions and made me think…

I’m tired of being lonely.

First, lets get the disclaimers out. I’m fortunate to be alive and functioning at a good level. I could be disabled, have cancer, be dying and have a whole bunch of other things going wrong with my life. I have a family and a support system that I’m grateful God has blessed me with. I have a good set of friends and associates that I enjoy spending time with.

All that being said, I’m still lonely on the relationship front.

I’ve never had a girlfriend. That’s number one. Some of you are saying, hey, I remember when you were talking with that girl that one time. Nothing went down.

I’ve never been on a date. That’s even sadder than the no girlfriend thing. I go out once in a while to parties with people to bars or house event, but the whole hey, lets have dinner and a movie, yeah, never done that. I can count on one hand the amount of times that I’ve even had a cup of coffee with a girl.

Those makeout sessions that some of you probably still have in your life or had back in the day in high school or college, once again, I’ve never had one of those.

So, if I haven’t done those things, you can probably figure out the rest of the stuff that I’ve never done. And you all know how old I am. Not a good situation. Movies have been made about it if you know what I’m saying.

It’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve asked girls out and they’ve told me straight up no. I’ve been given excuses from I’m too busy or I just broke up with my boyfriend and everything in between.

I’ve tried the full court press on girls. I’ve tried to be mean to them to see if they like dating a jerk. I’ve done the “don’t look for it, it will come to you” method. I’ve been the super nice guy. None of that shit has worked (first curse in the blog, nice).

I’ve tried to date black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Indian and other ethnic women, no success. I’ve tried to hook up with older, younger, shorter, taller, thick, thin, petite women and nothing has happened.

Every time I’ve been interested in a girl, something has happened to not make it happen. And every time I vibe with a girl, she’s usually dating somebody else, so that doesn’t work.

I’ve tried to figure out why and how this has happened. Someone who is usually at this stage of their life would have experienced these things. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship or physical relations, but come on, I’m old enough for that. Maybe its just bad luck, but I can’t be that unlucky.

And its not like I’m a bad guy. I’m not ugly, I know that much. I’m not the most attractive man around, but I have some good qualities. I’m friendly, funny, a good listener, care about the welfare of others and realize my place in life. I’m not going to say that I’m perfect also. I can be moody at times and overbearing in moments. I do sometimes lack personal confidence, but I’m just really humble and hate to brag on how good I’m at in a lot of stuff. Maybe women want a confident man but I’m secure in myself and that may be looked at as a bad thing.

Its just sad getting rejected all the time, it just depresses you. I would like to be in a relationship and even if it doesn’t work, at least I’ve felt love.

And the two saddest things are that I’ve never been in love and that means I can’t share anything with anybody. I just go home alone and sleep with no one to talk to. No one to share this journey of my life with.

The second worst thing is that I’ve been completely myself the past few years and nothing has changed. People tell me to be myself, but I’m already doing that. Its painful when you are being rejected for being yourself.

Whenever I make posts here I have a solution or some antidote to leave you with, but I’ve got nothing for this one.

I’ll just continue to focus on my career and schooling, but that burns me out over time if there is no balance with the personal life.

I hope some of you can look at what I write and find reflection or inspiration or something to think about. I hope this has been informational for you, because this is therapeutic for me.

I don’t mind being honest here because it makes me think about what’s going on in my life. The best part of this blog has been the chance to get my emotions out, whether they’re happy or sad or whatever.

Thanks for reading this stuff and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be in a better place.

Teach Your Children...About Sex

This has turned into the Sean Sawyer hour. Once again I was speaking to the legend and the topic of sex education for young children came up.

I’ve always believed in the theory of keeping it real and honest with our kids.

It all starts with how you address the kids at a young age. I hate “baby talk.” I’ve never addressed my nieces and nephews in a way that I speak to them in a condescending way. I would have normal, full conversations with my niece when she was only six months old and speak to her in a normal tone of voice. Granted the talks were one-sided because she couldn’t respond to me with the no talking thing and she would just sit in place and stare at me smiling. I think deep down she saw me just talking to her as an equal and now that she’s 12, we have full conversations like adults. I treated my nephews the same way and they’re 15 and 10.

Anyway, back to the sex talk, when my young family members ask me questions, I keep it real with them. I tell them to use condoms, use protection, take medicine and be careful who they get involved with. I tell them to focus on school and to have good friends. When I tell them “be careful,” they know exactly what I’m talking about.

These kids know about sex. I hate when people try to keep that whole “our kids are innocent” stuff. Whether its through watching television, talking to friends and even experimenting on their own, they know what a penis and vagina is and how they function. My niece can break down the whole human body process for you from menstrual cycles and periods and pregnancy right now if you needed her to. My nephews, not so much, but they know how stuff works for the most part.

So now that we know our kids know this stuff, we need to educate them. Sit down with them and tell them the whole truth. Because honestly, they’re going to have sex at some point in their lives, some even at a younger age then you think. They’re not going to stay abstinate.

I would rather be up front with them and give them everything and make sure that they know how to protect themselves. The alternative is for you to have one of them tell you that they have a STD or got someone pregnant or they are pregnant. It happens, so don’t think that you’re immune to it.

I learned my sex stuff from a lot of sources. Family, friends, the occasional TV documentary on cable, especially HBO and Showtime (y’all know what I’m talking about). However, I wish that people were more real with me about it when I was younger. That’s why I appreciated health Ed in eighth grade when our teacher/gym coach broke it down for us. I took that class for a semester, realized what I could and couldn’t do and it was all good.

But to be honest with you, even as a 26-year-old, there are some things that I’m still learning. We are all still learning stuff as we get older. Just make sure that the young kids in your life are learning with you.

Spank Your Children and Spank Them Hard!

I was recently having a conversation with the icon and hero to many that is Sean Sawyer and he was talking about him hosting some young children at his home during a family gathering. They were causing some problems in the house and even caused property damage, which is never good for all parties involved.

We talked about how he wanted to discipline them but was uncomfortable with it because they weren’t his children. He didn’t know what to do. Well, here’s my solution…

Spank your children and spank them hard!!!

Two disclaimers. One, the icon and hero Sean Sawyer doesn’t hate little children just like he doesn’t hate bind people. These opinions are my own so if you hate what you’re about to hear, come to me. I’ll have something for you. Secondly, the kids weren’t Sean’s and that makes a difference.

In my family, spankings were standard. One form of discipline if you did something wrong by our parents and older members of our family was spankings.

I can count on one hand the amount of spankings I received in my life. I was a really good kid who never got in trouble and was content to just sit in my room and watch a ballgame or read a book or play a video game. Point is that I may not be an expert of spankings but I saw my brothers and cousins get the smack down on dozens of occasions and I wanted no part of that. I feared getting spanked even by my barely five foot mother.

It was the mental fear that got to me more than the physical, but not every kid is like that. Some need to be smacked around a little bit to get the point across.

We have allowed some of our kids to not be disciplined because we fear that beating them will leave them physical and mental scars for life. That’s very fair. There is a difference between fair discipline and abuse.

Child abuse is no joke and should be taken seriously.

I think the problem is that not every parent has the ability to balance fair spankings and abuse. They cross the line, verbally and physically hurt their children beyond comprehension and that’s tragic. However, this shouldn’t stop us from spanking our children.

Now, what if they aren’t your children, Marcel? Glad you asked. I have a spanking or two from an aunt or uncle when I was in their household because I did something bad. I’ve also got a spanking from being in association with the crime for the spanking.

Say you’re in another country like Italy and you do something that is legal here in America but illegal there. You get a ticket for it and you’re pissed but have to accept it because that’s how they roll. That’s like getting a spanking at a family member’s house. It may be cool for you to paint on the walls or curse in your home, but not at Aunt Bettie’s house. If you violate the rules, you got to get the spanking.

Also, say you’re driving in a car with your friend and he decides to get out and commit a crime and gets back in the car and you drive off. The cops arrest you and you are listed as an accomplice in the crime. Tough break but it happens. Same if you didn’t do something bad but you associated with someone who did. Spanking for you.

All of this applies if you are dealing with a family member. If this isn’t a family member and a child of a friend, that’s a dicey situation. At that point, you may need to fall back, tell the parent what they’re kid did and let them discipline them. However, if you’re tight with your friend and they give you the approval to discipline them in anyway possible, spank that kid and spank them hard!

My advise may be limited because I have no kids and gave one spanking in my life to my niece Jordan and my nephew Matt a few years ago and those kids still bring it up. However, they’re 12 and 10 and have the memories of elephants right now so they’ll forget it. They were acting out and not listening to me and I did spank them good and hard and made them cry, but it got the point across at the time.

So, that’s my opinion. Send your potential hate letters to my comments section. But if you want to throw down, I’ve got belts, paddles, switches, branches and other items that will make you feel the pain. And if you’re a lady and are down with spankings on a more freaky and sexual level, I’m down with you as well.

But remember, spank your kids and spank them hard and dare I say, enjoy it!

Is This Supposed to Offend Me, Part 2

Usually when a celebrity comes out with a controversial picture or makes a strange statement, I usually defend them. People rely on celebrities too much for a gage on how they should live their lives. We tend to place our unrealistic and ridiculous morals that we would never put in our lives on famous people so that we can look high and mighty when we criticize them.

The same has applied to the recent “racy” pictures of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair.

First, from a purely eyeball test, I don’t see the controversy with the pictures at all. She isn’t half naked; all she is showing is her back. Also, I don’t think that she is looking over sexualized in any of the pictures; they actually look plain to me.

The problem is not with Miley but with the fact that our young girls are looking too grown up in our society. I guess Miley is 15 or 16 or whatever and people are freaking out over that fact. That’s understandable because she’s a minor and there are some sick people out there that find young, underage girls attractive. I’m not down with that at all especially when I have a niece that’s 12 and the thought of anyone having those thoughts disgusts me. I guess Miley is attractive but honestly, she's super young to me and I find nothing appealing about her.

However, there have been many times when I’m in the mall or just out on them streets and I see some of these young teenage girls wearing a lot of makeup and wearing super short skirts and loose blouses with push-up bras. I see it and even I’m appalled. And since I keep it real here, there were times when I was in college and around 20 years old and I would go up to girls and try to lay my game down and then she tells me she’s in high school. That would end the flirting right there.

Watching the news yesterday and watching the morning talk shows today had people losing their mind over the photos and saying that it’s the worst thing ever. This is exactly what the management at Disney, Miley and good ole’ Billy Ray wants to happen.

Don’t think that Miley just decided to take some pictures, put them in a magazine and call it a day. This was all planned. The agents, TV execs, Miley and Billy Ray all knew that these pictures would cause people to talk about her and build her profile. And it’s not like the pictures are of her naked, so nothing has to be blurred out and it’s not tasty but not offensive enough for everybody.

Of course you’re going to get the uber-conservatives who I hate against these photos, so they don’t count. But it’s the middle of the road people that have no idea who Miley is or Hannah Montana is but now know who she is and may actually watch her show or listen to her music.

Also, the thing I love about these situations are the fake “apologies” that come out. Disney says that they’re disappointed by the photos; Miley makes a statement apologizing for them, please. This is all part of the plan.

So if you were truly offended by the photos, that’s your opinion and I respect that even though I don’t understand where you’re coming from.

However, the better thing would be to make sure that the young men and women in your life understand their true beauty and don’t have to use their body to gain unwanted attention. Tell those mothers and fathers who let their girls dress in nothing to not do that. That would be the best way to show your disapproval of the photo instead of making generic statements insulting celebrities to make yourself feel better.

Where's My Head At?

It’s close to 1 a.m. on this Friday night and the roommate has decided to invite several of his best “friends” to proceed to drink, play loud music that won’t allow me to sleep and do some other stupid things that college students do.

Honestly, its annoying at times, but it happens only once a week so I can deal with it. I’m not his dad and he can live his own life and the place is just as much his as mine and for the price that we pay for rent and the roomie is a good guy overall, it’s the only place I can really afford for the next two years, so you have to deal with the good and the bad. Furthermore, its prompted me to write another post.

But seeing him partying it up like an undergraduate should I guess reminds me of those times when I was a young student. Back in the glory days of college, I drank almost every cheap beer possible, found a liquor friend in JD, played loud music (Limp Bizkit and 3-6 Mafia anyone?), did some stuff that the mom wouldn’t be proud of and generally lived life. I see my roommate now enjoying his time and I wish I could do the same but my head isn’t there as a 26-year-old graduate student, which I’m happy about.

It’s the same feeling I get working at Belmont baseball games. I see our players and most of them have a general innocence that makes me wish I could be like that. I see their girlfriends in the stands cheering them on and see other generally happy people and wonder why I don’t feel the same way.

It just goes back to my general grumpiness I guess. Maybe its being a Gemini, but I go from happy to sad pretty quickly. That’s the dichotomy of my life.

While those times as an undergraduate were good times, I was also pretty unhappy because I was drinking, partying and doing other stupid stuff that wasn’t me. I was just doing those things to keep up with the crowd that I was running with. It wasn’t until I became an RA my junior year, starting acting like my true self and became grounded that I found some balance and happiness in my college life.

It’s the same deal now. While I work the baseball games and sometimes look miserable, feel sad that I’m not out there just sitting there watching the game like my friends and colleagues at Belmont are, generally feel that there are a lot of other places that I would rather be, wish there were some SID groupies/cleet chasers like the baseball players have interested in me (just kidding, not really kidding, no, I’m joking, maybe) I still like the job because its what I’ve always wanted to do, work in sports. I couldn’t imagine just sitting at a game, I need to be involved in the process and control a part of it.

Its kinda like seeing kids dance to that damn Soulja Boy song and I want to tell them what those dirty lyrics really mean and ruin their childhoods, but I don’t.

I sometimes want to tell my roommate and others that the responsibility and glory-free days as an undergrad will end soon and they will have their own bills to pay and probably end up unemployed and have to take jobs they don’t want and never find true love and feel pretty depressed with their life and realize that its full of sadness and random happy moments.

But I don’t.

I’ll let them experience it for themselves.

Will I ever find that happy moment of clarity where I say that I love where I’m at? That will be a no because none of us will ever find true happiness in our lives, we will all die most likely alone, I know I will, and we shouldn’t disillusion ourselves from this reality.

However, I’m in a better place in my life now then a few years ago because I’ve found some form of balance between that innocent 18-year-old who thought that the world was in his hands and his future was bright and the current 26-year-old that knows that he won’t accomplish everything that he wants but is aware of his positives and likes where he’s at. That’s acceptable for now.

I would never like to return to the 18-year-old me and don’t even get me started as a 16-year-old.

But I’m looking more forward to me as a 30-year-old and even a 40-year-old. Everyone wants to stay young, but I’ve never liked being young.

Sometimes finding that balance between our positive dreams and the more likely negatives and more likely realities makes us sane or makes me write posts like this. Either way, I’m happy knowing where my head is at and for that, I’m thankful.

Vanderbilt a "baseball school," really?

Worth Scott…that name may not mean a lot to many of you, but he was part of one of the most major moments in Vanderbilt baseball history. His game-winning home run in the 2003 season-finale against Tennessee helped Vanderbilt makes its first SEC Tournament since 1996. Its considered a major moment because one, he beat Tennessee and anytime you can beat those orange hillbillies at that community college in East Tennessee, that’s good times for all. But also, it was a moment for Vanderbilt to build the program for the major success it has had in the past few years.

The picture above is of the Commodores winning the SEC Tournament in 2007. It will all make sense in a while.

I recently thought about this moment because Vandy just played Belmont in baseball at Greer a few days ago. As a disclaimer, all of you know that I went to Vandy and currently attend Belmont and work for Belmont, so make of that what you will.

Now, Vanderbilt is nationally ranked and has high national postseason aspirations while Belmont isn’t at that level, everyone realizes this. My Bruins (heck yeah, there my Bruins) were winning 4-2 in the middle of the game when a Commodore hit a grand slam to give Vandy the lead. Our pitcher was backing up the play at home plate and as he was returning to the mound after the entire Vandy team celebrated the home run, one of the obnoxious Vandy fan said “you should have gone to a baseball school.”

Pause. Did I just hear that from the press box? Did I just really hear a Vandy fan say that? A “baseball school?” Really?

OK, Mr. Fan. Let’s break it down why that’s so wrong on several levels.

First, Vandy isn’t Cal State Fullerton, Rice, Miami, Texas, Long Beach State, LSU or countless other “baseball schools.” Honestly, all our program has to show for itself is some SEC titles, a few regional appearances and a super regional appearance. No trips to the College World Series and obviously no national championships.

This isn’t a criticism of the Vandy baseball program. I’m beyond happy with where the program is. Tim Corbin may be the best thing that has happened to that athletic program in the past 20 years. Wait, Vandy doesn’t have an athletic program. I’ll save my opinion of that for another post. Anyway, I’m happy that the team is ranked nationally, respected around the nation, competing for conference and national titles, having major-league talents like Jeremy Sowers, Jenson Lewis, David Price, Pedro Alvarez, Dominic de la Osa, Ryan Flaherty and others come through the program. However, the school shouldn’t consider itself a “baseball program” like those other programs I mentioned earlier.

And back to the fan...the whole purpose of mentioning Worth Scott was for some prospective. I attended the school from 1999-2003. Vandy baseball was not good at that time and even bordered on terrible the years before I got there. Accept for a decent run of SEC titles in the 1970’s and the occasional moment in the 1980’s, the program was bad. So when as a senior I remember Worth hitting that home run to make the SEC Tournament, it was major because the team was finally going to face the best teams in the conference in a tournament. And I remember following the games from Atlanta, checking the SEC website for statistics. Vandy lost both games in the SEC Tournament, but I was happy that they competed.

I’m not hoping for those times to return as a fan, but I still have some prospective. Mr. Fan, were we a “baseball school” when teams like Alabama, LSU and Tennessee, ranked teams in the late 90’s, would come to Hawkins Field and lay the smack down on Vandy. Were we a baseball school when I could literally count everyone in the stands during those times in one half inning? Were we a baseball school when I could walk into the stadium in the middle of weekend series against major teams and sit first-row, behind home plate? Were we a baseball school when we had the worst baseball facility in the SEC?

Gain some prospective Vandy fans. Do I get disappointed when the team gets swept at Mississippi like it did earlier this season? Yes. Do I expect the team to make a regional, super regional and eventually the College World Series? I do currently with the positive state of the program. Was I devastated last season when Michigan won the Regional in Nashville when Vandy was the No. 1 national seed in the Tournament? I was speechless and truly sad for several days.

However, I understand how hard it is to achieve all of these things and know that if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen because I have no control over it. And when I hear media-types and fans say that this season is a disappointment because the team is only 30-11 at the time I posted this, you got to be kidding me!

Expectations for the program are definitely overblown, but I can understand it on some level. For years, Vanderbilt was stepped on by everybody and now that we have a good baseball program, we want to stick our chest out, be proud and turn to the obnoxious fans that we used to mock other schools for having back in the day when we weren’t good.

I wonder if Mr. Fan was around during the rough times when Vanderbilt was in a similar position as Belmont is in right now for baseball and don’t think that’s not a fair comparison.

Belmont is working hard to establish itself as a “baseball program” and the guys are working hard to make the Atlantic Sun Conference Tournament. Sound familiar?

That’s the beauty of college sports. Hopefully Belmont will make the Atlantic Sun Tournament, make a run, make the NCAA Tournament and have a Worth Scott-like moment in the process. However, I hope that my Bruins (yeah, I love Belmont and Vandy just the same) and the fans will have a better prospective of the success that will come in the next few years.

Because when Mr. Fan made his statement, I was ashamed to be an alum of my undergraduate school and fan of my favorite program there (yes, even more than football, but if they ever got volleyball, I might have a change of heart). I don’t want to be ashamed of my graduate school as well.

...But I don't want to

I was speaking with the legend that is Sean Sawyer recently and we noticed that the signs in our office have Braille (I had to look it up to spell it correctly) writing on it for blind people. He said that it would be hard to learn Braille. BTW, the legend doesn't hate blind people.

He tells me that it would be bad to be blind and have to learn a new language. I agree but they would have no choice because if you’re blind, you have to learn it to survive. It would suck but it would have to get done.

Now, I’ve never been blind and I’m thankful for that. It always goes back to my theory that you have to be fortunate for what you have because someone else has it a lot worse then you have it.

Do I wish I had a different body type? A different type of hair? A different skin tone?

Do I wish I grew up with both parents in my home? Do I wish that I didn’t grow up in New York? Do I wish I experienced a different life then I have?

Honestly, many times.

I would love to be a really, really skinny guy for a day and see what happens. I would love to rock a massive afro and not come to the reality that I’m balding and those days are over. I’ll save the skin tone commentary for another blog post.

I would like to know what it would have been like to have my father living with me while growing up. Would I treat others differently, especially women?

I would like to know what I would have been like being raised in another city besides NYC? Would I still be a really nice guy to subconsciously fight against the stereotype of a “typical New Yorker?”

I would like the answers to all of these things, but that’s not who I am. We don’t know the answers to these questions because we aren’t meant to know them.

We’re given our deck of cards that’s life and we have to adapt to them whether we like them or not and there are times when I want to kill the dealer, but seeing how our dealer is the higher power we believe in, whether its God, Allah, Buddah or whatever, we don’t have that option.

We can either fight our fate…

Or we can accept it, compromise with it and learn our equivalent of a blind person learning Braille.

Hopefully in the future I won’t let the legend get me thinking deeply about something just by looking at a sign or was that meant to be?

To my "friend" Erica who enjoys the blog but thinks that the posts should be shorter and not have so much analysis in it...

shortest...post...ever

Dores against those Bruins

Tomorrow, Belmont will face Vanderbilt in baseball and my loyalties will be torn.

I went to Vanderbilt as a wee lad back in the day and adopted all of their sports teams because I was a fan and that’s what you do for your school. I went to the popular sporting events like football and men’s basketball but also enjoyed going to some of the other sports, especially baseball.

Baseball was my first love growing up and I continued this interest in college, accept many of my fellow Commodores didn’t share this interest. I remember heading to Vanderbilt games back in 2000 and 2001 and just walking in with my free student tickets. I literally remember seeing games against LSU and Alabama when both teams were ranked in the top-10 and seeing only about 75 people in the stands. No one cared about Vanderbilt baseball because honestly they weren’t that good. How things have changed…

The Dores hire arguably the best coach in the game in Tim Corbin, renovated the dump that was Hawkins field, increase commitment to the program, recruit top-tier talent and now they have one of the top programs in the country.

Interest in college baseball has increased over the years as well. There was a time that the only games that you would see on TV would be the finals of the College World Series on CBS. I know you old heads remember those times. Now, with the increase of cable coverage and a good amount of top players actually going to college, the attention has gotten bigger. Also the emergence of teams like Vandy, Rice, North Carolina, Michigan and even Oregon State has made the top teams consist of just of warm southern and west coast teams.

Anyway, back to the game tomorrow. It was making me laugh when a few weeks ago people were saying that Vandy was having a down year when they were a few games below .500 in the SEC and was like 21-10 overall. If that was a down year when I was an undergrad, I would have been estatic. Now that most of the guys are healthy and rounding into form, they are looking like a College World Series threat.

I’ve also grown fond of Belmont because, one I’m a student and have adopted all of the teams once again, but I also work for the school. I always want Belmont to win all of their games, but my position consists of not cheering for any team and making sure that the game is operated impartially. Tomorrow, I serve as the official scorer and have to be fair to both teams.

So who will I cheer for? Both teams honestly need the game and don’t need the game. Belmont would love to beat a ranked team at home, especially because they don’t play many ranked teams and a win would be good exposure, but its also a mid-week game. The coaches approach these games differently. You will see a lot more bench players and relief pitchers. Honestly, I think it would be better for the team to lose tomorrow and then sweep USC Upstate over the weekend because that would be more beneficial.

Vandy is in the same boat and doesn’t want a loss to hurt their RPI because a loss to Belmont would be bad. Also, these guys know each other and want to beat each other for pride more than anything else.

I guess if I had to choose one, I would go with Belmont because I still owe Vandy some money and I don’t owe Belmont anything…wait, I’m receiving financial aid so now I owe Belmont money too.

Well, I’ll just have to hope for a good, clean game…go Bruins!

My Favortie Five Albums Ever

I’ve recently starting making top-five lists with a good, new and dare I say feisty friend of mine and its been fun.

BTW, she’s down with sports as a fan, represents for Chicago, is a fellow Commodore, works in the sports industry, smart, funny, cute, loves Family Guy and curses! Outstanding qualities. I know what you’re thinking, girlfriend material. Unfortunately, she’s in a relationship, but its been cool getting to know her intellectually and not having all of the other physical stuff getting in the way. Friendship is the way.

Anyway, each of us takes a turn choosing a topic to make a list about. I started with the top five people that I would like to date/hang out with/share a cup of coffee/snuggle with/attend an epic and potentially illegal box social with. Hence, my first top-five posted in the blog.

Her topic of choice was our top-five books and she busted out with some amazing books that made me feel ashamed to be a below-average English major. But doing that list made me learn more about her, which was cool. I’m all about learning about people and establishing bonds.

The next list was our five favorite albums. This one took forever for me to come up with but was cool because I got to dust off some oldies and re-listen to them.

I’ve decided to share the list with you and I welcome yours as well.

In no particular order:

1) Relationship on Command- At The Drive-In. I remember being discontent with the music scene back in 2000 while I was in college. I’m watching MTV2 one day and I hear this song called One Arm Scissor and it changed my musical landscape forever.

I learned that the song was from this album by a punk rock/emo group from El Paso, Texas called At The Drive-In. I knew nothing about them, but bought their album anyway and was blown away. I heard elements of punk/hard rock/progressive music and was awaken to the possibilities of not being limited by any genre. I love the energy of tracks such as Arcensal, Pattern Against User and One Arm Scissor. I loved how they didn’t just drown out the bass guitar of Paul Hinojos. I liked not understanding what their lead singer Cedric Bixler was saying and just flowing with the music. I was intrigued with the melodic yet throbbing guitar play of Jim Ward and Omar Rodriguez.

More importantly, I liked how they weren’t afraid to use melody and even slow it down with songs such as Enfilade, Invalid Letter Dept., Quarantined and Non-Zero Personality. They use harmonies also and there were messages about racism, sexism, rape and other serious issues ingrained into the music.

There isn’t one bad song on this album. Here’s the video for One Arm Scissor: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7897471382988774806&q=one+arm+scissor&ei=to4KSNzZIYGMrgKi1rmiBA

2) De-Loused in the Comatorium – The Mars Volta. At the Drive In broke up and I was saddened. However, I heard that Omar and Cedric decided to start a group of their own and I was hyped. I wasn’t able to get their LP and decided to get their first full studio release and it was amazing.

The two of them decided to not put limits on their music and even were insulted if you decided to place a label on them and I dug that attitude. I liked the fact that they were two prominent Hispanic musicians rocking it out. Their band consisted of black people, white people and other cultures uniting to make it happen.

Tracks such as Intertiatic E.S.P. and Roulette Dares contained some elements of At The Drive In but was more progressive and as a fan of groups like Yes and Genesis, I was loving it. Drunkenship of Lanterns gave me a sense of latin jazz fused with rock and made me shake my head the first time I heard it. Eria Tarka was a slower jam but the baseline is incredible and the chord progressions are sick. Cicatria E.S.P. is a twelve-minute song of just a solid jam. Even Televators, about a fallen friend, makes me cry sometimes when I hear it.

This album gives you different energies that make you happy and sad but makes you think. Whenever I need to contemplate things in my life, I throw this one in and I go for a mental ride.

Here are the guys performing at Lowlands in Australia in 2003 with most of the songs from this album. Its my favorite concert footage ever: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2064416385231360707&q=mars+volta+lowlands&total=16&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

3) Aenima- Tool. I went through some tough mental times after I graduated from college and gravitated towards some very dark music. And if you want to listen to some uplifting dark music, listen to some Tool.

I actually didn’t get this album when it immediately came out in 1996. I don’t exactly remember when I got this album but the tracks are all amazing. You start out with Stinkfest which is just the most monotonous guitar riff that sets the mood. The track Eulogy contains some of the most amazing bass playing from Justin Chancellor.

The track that had the most effect on me personally was Pushit. It was about being pushed to an unhappy mental place in your life and fighting through it for something better. I would listen to this song endlessly and wonder where my life was taking me after graduating from college and being unemployed and living with my brother’s family. That song saved me.

There are some very crude songs on the album but that’s what Tool does. Maynard Keenan’s lyrics are beautifully dark and his honesty with his lack of happiness makes him happy because he knows where he is mentally, if that makes sense.

Other great tracks are H., Forty Six & 2, Jimmy and Third Eye, which has some of the most incredible instrumentals.

This is my favorite traditional hard rock album ever.

Here’s the video for Stinkfest: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2802959467430699941&q=tool+stinkfest&ei=jpsKSKvfI5S-rQLXkdG-BA

4) Pursuit of Happiness - Weekend Players. This was an album that was heavy on lounge and house music. I dig other groups like Massive Attack and Daft Punk who present elements of this type of music, but this album is amazing.

Good tracks on this album include; I’ll Be There, Play On, Into the Sun and Higher Ground.

Here’s a video from the duo: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7321128503114187009&q=weekend+players&ei=BZ0KSLjBIZmwrQK3wdmiBA

5) The Dance- Fleetwood Mac. I remember getting this album like it was yesterday. It was 1997 and it was the summer before my junior year of high school. This album was the reunion of Fleetwood Mac, one of the major bands of the 70’s and 80’s. They had a ton of hits but broke up and hadn’t reunited in many years. MTV did a special on the concert and I watched it and was intrigued by the quality of the music even though I never heard of them before.

I liked Stevie Nicks voice, the rhythm section of John McVie and Mic Fleetwood. But most importantly, the guitar playing of Lindsey Buckingham was incredible.

They used harmonies excellently and the list of classics they rolled out for the concert were amazing. Songs such as The Chain, Dreams, Rhiannon, Tusk and Go Your Own Way were solid. The solo in Go Your Own Way is maybe my favorite ever. Check that, the solo in I’m So Afraid is my favorite ever, so creppy yet so comforting.

They also throw some remixes/twists to some of their songs. Buckingham performing Big Love alone with his acoustic guitar is great. Lindsey and Nicks doing Landslide together was great. Silver Springs will make me cry at almost anytime. Also, its not on the album, but the cut of Gypsy in this concert is good as well.

Here’s a video from this concert: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6281613133786321437&q=fleetwood+mac+the+dance&ei=WL8KSKWTBJqgrAKSnvm7BA

Here were the many albums that didn’t make the list, lightening round style:

Violator by Depeche Mode: Bad, bad ass album. Personal Jesus…Enjoy the Silence…Halo, oh these are amazing tracks. Love this album.

Inventions For the New Season and The Language of Cities by Maserati: These are two albums by an instrumental band from Athens, Ga. I love to listen to these guys and just chill.

Band of Gypsies (Self-Titled): After Jimi Hendrix broke up The Experience, he got together with two other black musicians and truly went back to his R&B and Soul roots with this life album. Listen to Machine Gun and try not to be amazed.

Silent Alarm by Bloc Party: The debut album from one of my favorite bands to come along in the last few years. Solid tracks all around and they have a black lead singer, who can’t be down with that.

A Gothic Acoustic Tribute to Tool: I honestly got this album in a record store one time and it’s a cover of about 12 Tools songs in a “gothic acoustic” style. You have to listen to it to understand it.

Live from Massey Hall by Neil Young: He cut this album around 1971 when he was about to record Harvest. In fact, he debuts some of the songs from his seminal album in this concert. Young is a legend and he shows it here. This album was actually released around a year ago and I highly recommend it.

One Step More and You Die by Mono: They are a heavy-rock instrumental band from Japan. Yeah, crazy. This is one of their albums but I recommend any of them.

Machine Head by Deep Purple: This group were the groundbreakers for progressive rock. This album includes Smoke on the Water, Highway Star and many other excellent tracks.

Korn Unplugged: I love the Unplugged series especially with hard rock bands like Korn. You actually get to hear the lyrics of Jonathan Davis because they aren’t drowned out by the music. Excellent songwriting and usage of soft instruments that transition well from the electric guitars. Issues and Follow the Leader are also good albums from these guys.

The Station is Non-Operational by At the Drive-In: Greatest his compilation from the band.

Live from Mars by Ben Harper: I know that Harper may have some better albums, but this one is cool because he plays with the entire Innocent Criminals on the first CD and does a solo performance with his guitar in the second CD. Tremendous stuff.

Give ad These are the Vistas by The Bad Plus: Two albums from one of my favorite jazz bands ever. Excellent trio.

Live at La Cova by The New Masterminds: This is a live album by another jazz band. Solid solos and they are an instrumental band also. I love instrumental music because it allows me to interpret the music on my own instead of letting the lyrics interfere with the process.

Our Day by DJ Collette: Good dance CD

The Very Best of Cream by Cream: Clapton, Bruce and Ginger. The best trio of rock ever (maybe besides The Police). So many songs. I Feel Free, Strange Brew, Tales of Brave Ulysses, White Room, Crossroads, Born Under a Bad Sign and maybe the baddest song ever, Politician. Incredible.

The Who’s Greatest Hits and Quadrophenia by The Who: Couldn’t decide between the two. Love this band.

The Spirit of Radio by Rush: This is the greatest trio ever. Peart, Lifeson and my bass guitar hero, Geddy Lee bring it strong on this one.

Maxwell Unplugged: Whenever I like to get in “the mood,” throw this on. The ladies love it, so I heard, who am I kidding, I KNOW the ladies love it. Yeah!

Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park: I actually like their last few albums more but this was the first one that I purchased, so it makes the list. These guys have evolved musically and its been great to see.

Unplugged and Nothing’s Safe by Alice in Chains: Greatest band in the “grunge era” These guys were amazing. You had Staley singing and Cantrell playing some amazing guitar. I was equally amazed by the fragil state of Staley on the Unplugged album and with Cantrell’s vitality in the other one.

The entire Metallica collection accept for the last few albums: Legends who have fallen off of grace recently. If I had to pick a top three, give me the Black Album, And Justice for All and Master of Puppets and we’ll call it a day. Sanitarium would be my theme song if I had a show based on my life.

Vulgar Display of Power by Pantera: You can also go with Cowboys from Hell or Far Beyond Driven for two other albums from this influential hard rock band. These guys didn’t compromise musically but also wrote good songs with melodies, harmonies and excellent lyrics. It was beyond the riffs, RIP Dimebag.

Singles 93-03 by The Chemical Brothers: Once again, good dance music but I love how these guys would incorporate real music with real instruments into the basic drum beats. They were also one of the first electronic groups to use real singers on their tracks. It was like you were listening to a normal song instead of a dance track. Geniuses.

Every Breath You Take (The Classics) by The Police: Just a greatest hits album from the group. Sting is the second reason that I play bass guitar. John Paul Jones is the first.

Innervisions by Stevie Wonder: You can go with Songs in the Key of Life as well for the necessary Wonder album to have in your collection.

The Best of 1980-1990 and Boy by U2: They had to make the list. New Year’s Day and One are just essential songs from that group.

The Thirteenth Step by A Perfect Circle: The lead singer from Tool formed this group and it’s a different turn from his previous work, but I like it. I may like the music from these guys more than from Tool. No, I take that back, but this is a good album from them. Emotive is also good.

The Best of Sade by Sade: Read my review of the Maxwell Unplugged album.

The Best of the Gipsy Kings: I heard this album so much in college.

Legend by Bob Marley and the Wailers: Its Bob Marley, not much more needs to be said. Exodus may be my favorite song ever.

Purple Rain by Prince: Best soundtrack ever. Purple Rain, Purple Rain, only want to see you lying in that Purple Rain.

Ready to Die by Notorious B.I.G.: Being from Brooklyn, I had to represent for Biggie. This album became a soundtrack for a lot of our lives in the mid 90’s. Maybe the best rap album ever behind…

Paid in Full by Eric B. and Rakim: That’s for my older brother who made me listen to this album all the time back in the day.

The debut, self-titled album from Crosby, Stills and Nash: All the songs are excellent and made me appreciate the harmonies of music.

Check Your Head and Paul’s Botique by the Beastie Boys: Two albums released back to back by these legends. Listen to Pass the Mic and What Cha Want at least once in your life. That’s real hip-hop.

The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails: Trent Reznor’s classic album that made him a superstar. BTW, Hurt Like a Hole isn’t on this album, but that’s a monster song to check out.

10 by Pearl Jam: I still listen to this in my car once in a while to remind myself why Eddie Vedder is better than all of us and we need to accept it.

BloodSugarSexMagik by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers: I had to get these guys in there. I like all of their music so I just choose their most popular album to put on the list.

Anything Miles Davis: Just because…

Finally, you can honestly find albums from the following people and I would like it:

Oasis (so underrated its scary)
The Smiths (Morrissey, you’re my boy!)
The MC5
Def Leppard
Aerosmith
Basement Jaxx
Massive Attack
Sonic Youth
Daft Punk

It goes on and on. This is just a start.

My NBA First Round Predictions

Its now time for my NBA first-round predictions.

Before I give you my picks, I’m going with Boston vs. Los Angeles in the finals. I know that’s not going out on a limb, but those are the two teams in the best position to make the finals.

If those two don’t make it, then look out for Utah, Phoenix and Detroit. So look for a combo of those five teams in the finals.

Here are the predictions:

East

(1) Boston vs. (8) Atlanta: This series is a joke. As a Hawks fan, I’m mixed about this one. I’m glad they made the playoffs but was it worth losing in the first round and not getting a lottery pick. They are the only team in the conference that can look forward to getting smoked in the first round because at least they made the playoffs. Boston in four.

(4) Cleveland vs. (5) Washington: Best series in the first round for the east. The Wizards have been bounced the past two years from the playoffs by the Cavs so they are geeked for this one. Lebron is special but the rest of the team is not very good. Washington has Butler, Jameson and Gil is going to go off in this series. I love Washington in this series. Wizards in six.

(3) Orlando vs. (6) Toronto: The Raptors have been struggling lately and don’t have momentum. Orlando has been solid for the entire year and the X factor will be Rashard Lewis. I think he will bring it strong in this series. Orlando in five.

(2) Detroit vs. (7) Philadelphia: I would pick Philly in an upset special against many teams, but not Detroit. I like what Iguodola, Young and Miller bring to the table, but Detroit is too experienced. Philly makes it scrappy and even takes two games in the series. Detroit in six

West

(1) Los Angeles vs. (8) Denver: The Nuggets are a perpetual disappointment and will not play any defense. However, I can see them stealing game 1 and getting people wondering if they’ve turned a corner. They haven’t. Too much Kobe and Gasol in this series. I’m expecting Odom to play well and J.R. Smith or Kenyon Martin to start a fight. That should be great. Lakers in five.

(4) Utah vs. (5) Houston: The Jazz should be considered a serious threat to make a run. I will never, ever trust Houston in a playoff series. Utah in seven.

(3) San Antonio vs. (6) Phoenix: I’m taking Phoenix in a mini-upset. I think this is the year that the Spurs take a step back. I don’t like their old legs and I think Amare goes off in this series because Duncan is concerned with Shaq. Suns in seven.

(2) New Orleans vs. (7) Dallas: Oh, those Hornets. I’ve written a lot about them so you know how much I love this team. However, don’t dismiss Dallas. Dirk is looking like the player of old and Kidd is solid, this is just the wrong matchup for them. I’ll take the Hornets in a tough, tough series. Hornets in seven.

Those are the picks for now, I’ll try to put some more detail into the picks, but I had to get them in before the playoffs began.

My NBA Awards

The NBA Playoffs are on! I’m so hyped for these playoffs.

I know many of you aren’t NBA fans and I can understand why. There are times when the league annoys me as well. In the past, the league has had crappy play, players who are terrible on and off the court, just a lot of negative stuff.

However, the league has rebounded this year and this has been one of the more entertaining regular seasons in a long time. There are still some negatives like the situation in Seattle, but we’ll save that for another day.

Its time to give out my regular season awards!

We’ll start with some minor ones before getting to the toughest choice maybe ever, the MVP vote:

Surprise Team: New Orleans. I thought these guys could be a borderline playoff team in the West but I didn’t expect Paul to make the leap to an MVP player, Peja to stay healthy, David West and Tyson Chandler to emerge as all-star caliber players and their bench to produce like it has. Good for the league and the city. 2nd: Lakers. Same deal as New Orleans as far as being a borderline playoff team. Kobe has become a better all-around player and Gasol and Bynum’s emergence helped too. Also, people have slept on Lamar Odom but he’s playing the best he’s played since his one season in Miami. 3rd: Portland. These young guys have competed well in a tough conference and get Oden back next season. Watch out for these guys. 4th: Philly. I rank them below Portland even though they made the playoffs, but the East is easier than the West. I had these guys dead in the water before the season and they started out that way. But the second half of the season has been solid, Thaddeus Young and Louis Williams have been good. Andre Miller has emerged as an excellent point guard and Andre Iguodola has emerged as a borderline franchise player. Even as a Knicks fan, I have to respect what’s going on there. 5th: Sacramento. I know that they didn’t finish above .500, but look at that team. The fact that they were even competing for the final playoff spot a month ago is solid. Good job Theus.

Disappointing Team: Denver. Yeah they made the playoffs, but these boys should be better. They need to play better defense and with that team with AI, Carmelo, Kenyon and Camby, these boys need to be contending for the Western Conference title instead of barely making the playoffs. When they lose to the Lakers in the first round, it will be the end of a sad season. 2nd: Dallas. I look at disappointment differently then a lot of other people. They slept walked through the first half of the season and are only now turning it on. I still don’t completely like the Kidd trade for the future. 3rd: New Jersey. How do you have Vince Carter, Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson and play like that? Pathetic. 4th: Toronto and Chicago. Both of these teams should have been better. Toronto played terribly in the second half of the season and I think the point guard situation is causing major problems. Chicago, wow, between in-fighting, contract issues with Gordon and Deng, coaching troubles and many other things that my friend Jonathan can tell me about, they had issues.

Embarassment: The New York Knicks. My hometown team makes me sad to be a fan of the NBA. I stopped truly supporting them after the sexual harassment case. Its one thing to be bad on the court, but to be disrespectful to women in that environment is appalling. Until the regime changes truly happens or probably not because you can’t fire owners, I can’t acknowledge them.

Runner-up: Atlanta Hawks. Lets see, instead of their current squad, it can be Chris Paul or Deron Williams, Brandon Roy, Andre Inguodola and Luol Deng. My two favorite NBA teams are a joke. Back to some more fun stuff.

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant (Seattle). Played well throughout the season and became a legit go-to player and dare I say clutch. He’s does take too many shots, could still use a few more pounds and leaves some defense to be desired, but he’s 19 years old! He’s going to be a stud. Runner-up: Al Horford (Atlanta). Averaged nearly a double-double and gave some stability to my pathetic Hawks.

Defensive Player of the Year: Kevin Garnett (Boston). This guy has been an animal on the defensive end and has inspired the best defense in the NBA. He can guard perimeter guys and post players with the same intensity and effectiveness. Runner-up: Shane Battier (Houston)

Sixth Man of the Year: It should go to Manu Ginobili (San Antonio) but he starts half the time and plays starter minutes. If we go with a truly traditional sixth man, go with Leandro Barbosa (Phoenix).

Coach of the Year: Byron Scott (New Orleans). I mentioned everything about the Hornets that needs to be said has been done. 2nd: Doc Rivers (Boston). The most underrated thing to do in coaching is manage egos. Phil Jackson never got enough credit for this in Chicago with the Bulls back in the 90’s. I’m not comparing Rivers with Jackson, but he’s had to keep Pierce, Garnett, Allen and the cast of others in check and that’s hard. 3rd: Phil Jackson (Lakers). He got that team to gel and become the top seed in the West, that’s solid. 4th: Eddie Jordan (Washington). He gets no love from the national media for his efforts in Washington but he has them playing better now without a healthy Arenas and has them, dare I say it, playing some defense. Not Celtics and Spurs good defense, but legendary by their standards. 5th: Rick Adelman (Houston). You can’t lead their team to 22 straight wins and not get a mention even though I still don’t like your team. Respect.

Now for the big one:

MVP: I look at this award as someone who is truly the most valuable player for the fortunes of their team. You don’t have to lead the league in any statistic. You don’t have to be the best overall player in the game (sorry for later, Kobe). I like a balance in my award winner, so defense and rebounding has to at least be acknowledged (sorry, Steve Nash). Here they are:

5th: Dwight Howard (Orlando), Deron Williams/Carlos Boozer (Utah) and Tracy McGrady (Houston). He’s continuing to evolve his game and has become a force on the rebounding side of the ball. Williams and Boozer have teamed up to make Utah a solid team and very dangerous in the playoffs. McGrady gets mention because he led the Rockets to that winning streak.

4th: LeBron James (Cleveland): Almost any other year, he could win this award, but the three guys ahead of him just win out. Cleveland would be nothing without him, literally. He carries that team every night and averages a 30-8-7 as a 24-year-old! Are you kidding me! The only guys I’ve seen come into the league with this combination of skill, intrigue and power is a young Shaq. I was too young to appreciate Jordan in the early years but I’m sure it was the same. He has no parallel physically. The scary part is that he can be the best defender in the league when he feels like it and still has a shaky jump shot. Other then that, he’s ok. I can’t believe he’s fourth.

3rd: Kevin Garnett (Celtics): His defense and rebounding has been excellent, so those are the positives. He still scores well but has deferred to Pierce and Allen, which was smart. His value to the team is incredible. He brings an intensity and focus that has rubbed off the rest of the team. His value is monster. However, his injury hurt his chances.

2nd : Kobe Bryant (Lakers): Sorry, Kobe. You’re second on the list and the best player in the game. I think you should have gotten the award two years ago when you carried that joke of a team to around 45 wins and the playoffs. This year, your supporting cast was better, your overall numbers were down but you may have turned in your best overall season. Defensively, you brought it. I just think that you play with a solid cast and getting Gasol and emergence of Bynum and the resurgence of Odom hurts your case a little. If I need a game-winning shot, its on Kobe and that matters.

1st: Chris Paul (New Orleans): I’ve debated this internally for the past few weeks. I’ve argued with friends about this and in the end, I had to go with Paul. He turned in the best individual season ever for a point guard. He averaged 21 points, 11 assists, close to three steals. He peaked in March and April with a split of 24-13 and 17-13 in the final two months. The team went from around 30 wins to 56 with him.

Now I know that he had an excellent cast with him like Peja, West, Chandler, Wells, Pargo and some others. But who put them in the position to achieve. I can’t count how many lobs he gave to Chandler for dunks, how many dribble-drives he did in the lane to get open threes for Peja, how many excellent pick and rolls and post-ups he organized for West, how many steals he had that led to easy layups for the rest of the team. He was a force this year and plays with a fire I like.

He’s the most talented 6-foot-and-under player ever (Sorry, Isiah, AI and Tiny).

Furthermore, he has embraced New Orleans and made that team matter in the worst of circumstances. I said that the Hornets shouldn’t return to Louisiana because they couldn’t handle having an NBA team because of Katrina. However, the success of that team has made me a believer and Paul is a major reason for that.

He brings it all and is my MVP for this season. I may change my mind in the next few minutes, but this is what I’m sticking with.

She just wants to be my friend

On the way to Johnson City for our baseball games, we saw the movie Just Friends. For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, let me break it down for you. Its about a heavyset, really nice guy, played by Ryan Reynolds, who was best friends with a really cute girl back in high school in New Jersey, played by Amy Smart. They were very close but she would date the biggest losers. Before they graduated high school, he wanted to be her boyfriend. He ends up trying to make a move on her but she tells him that she loves him, as a friend. The situation is very embarrassing and there’s public humiliation, so the guy decides to move to Hollywood, loses a ton of weight and becomes a jerk and treats women like crap to avoid the “friend zone.” He ends up back in New Jersey and has to confront his past and even runs into his former best friend. He tries to hook up with his friend with his new personality but ends up embarrassing himself. In the end, he acts like himself which includes his dorkiness and they end up together in the end.

This reminds me of my friendship with Sarah M. Everybody has that someone that they were friends with and wanted more. Mine was with Sarah.

I met Sarah freshman year of college through our mutual friend, Phil. I thought she was cute and very friendly, but I actually thought that she and Phil were dating each other, so like a good buddy, I fell back and didn’t pursue her in anyway. Her and Phil weren’t dating at all and even had a falling out so I just ended up becoming good friends with her, best friends.

It was a weird friendship because she was a very liberal, environmentalist, petite, blond white girl vegetarian from West Chester, Pa. (Philly represent, not really) who read a lot of books and I was just the independent, heavyset black guy from Brooklyn who enjoys a good burger and watching SportsCenter several times a day. I loved sports and she couldn’t tell a touchdown from a home run. We just clicked for some reason. Everyone thought we were dating, but we weren’t.

We would hang out all the time, talk about our dating lives and even talked about personal issues like each of our problems with depression. She ended up leaving school for a semester and going back home but we still talked. Sarah eventually returned to school and graduated, which made me more happy than anything, maybe even more than my own graduation.

We were also physical with each other. Get your mind out of the gutter. We would cuddle and watch movies together and sleep on the same bed, stuff like that, but nothing more went down.

The culmination of our friendship was during junior year when Sarah was about to head out to Ireland for the spring semester. I’ll never forget it. I invited her over to my dorm room and we were talking as usual and she was talking about how excited she was to go to Ireland. I told her how much I would miss her and that I loved her. It wasn’t love in the way that I just wanted to have sex with her, even though I woudn’t have said no, I just loved being with her. She told me that she loved me too.

I wish I could tell you that we kissed and dated and it was awesome, but that’s not what happened. We actually stared at each other and I should have made a move, but didn’t. I actually asked her then why we never dated because I felt such a connection with her. She said that she valued our friendship and that I never asked her out. Ouch! That hurt your boy a little. But she was always dating some losers in college, just like Amy Smart did in the movie and didn’t want to get in the way of that. In fact, her boyfriends were the complete opposite of me, which says something I guess.

Actually, if she wanted to get down right there in my dorm room that night, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do it. I think if I made a move, she would have been cool with it, but I never did, just like Ryan Reynolds’ character has a chance to sleep with Amy Smart but can’t do it.

Deep down I valued the friendship, but it developed a fear of getting into the friend zone in the future.

Its funny now, but every girl I hang out with ends up in the friend zone and nothing more happens. I’ve been friends with girls just so that I can hang in there and try to hook up with them in the future, no lie. I can tell immediately if I’m entering that zone within a first meeting with a girl.

Would I like to get some more play in the dating game, of course. But I miss hanging out with Sarah to this day and having a female companion in my life.

There are several girls I’m interested in now and if anyone of them is reading this post, what’s up, but I really want to be friends with them first before anything goes down. What Sarah and I had was special and I hope that I can have that with someone else in my life.

I joke with a friend in Georgia that “its more then just about the sex.” She tells me that I’m a guy and that I’m lying, but its really true.

So Marcel, where is Sarah now? She’s a lawyer in Washington, D.C. and happily dating someone and growing her life there. But if they ever broke up, I will find a sports job in our nation’s capital and make that move. Hopefully she can tell the difference between a home run and a touchdown by now.

Do I want to live this way?

I’ve purposefully stayed in the office tonight to post this latest blog entry.

The past few days have been just mentally and physically draining for me with balancing my job as an SID and my duties a student. Today is just another example of this pain. I work the baseball game all the way out at Shelby Park, book it back to the office to write and post the story and send information to the conference office. After I do that, I prepare my weekly report for baseball to send to the media and nominate players of the week.

After that, I head down to the Beaman to have a group meeting for three projects that are due in two weeks in sports journalism. While there, I see my classmate Scott to discuss my group project with him for another class, facilities. I still have so much work to do for that class, including a meeting tomorrow afternoon at Opryland. Furthermore, I see some friends from last semester who I haven’t seen in a long time and miss those times when we would hang out.

I head back up to the office and prepare information for Austin Peay, our next baseball opponent. Once that’s done, I get information for the track and field meets that Belmont was in and had to prepare two releases for that and post them on the website.

Now, its 10:30 p.m. and I still have more work to do, I missed the last wash at my laundry so that’s a problem. The question I have for myself now is do I really want to live this life?

I had someone at Beaman tell me that when she gets stressed out, she drinks some hot chocolate and listens to Mozart. Since I’m not seven anymore and prefer some hard rock, I won’t be doing that, I’ll be writing a blog entry about where I’m at.

Whom I kidding? I love hot chocolate! Give me some cookies and a warm blanket and I’m in! Hate if you want.

I’ll have some lighter blog entries coming up in the future including my NBA Playoffs preview along with my choices for award winners, more baseball stuff (how about those Reds and Royals!), my favorite all-time music albums and other observations of life, but I have to write what I feel and my head is just in a different place right now.

An entry or two ago I spoke about asking myself is it worth it. I came to the conclusion that it is worth it, because all of the experiences we have in our lives represent something that we need to look at and analyze.

The past few weeks have made me think about what I really want with my life professionally and personally. I like my job situation and will enjoy my next year here. However, that will end this time next year and I need to see if I want to be an SID for the rest of my career. I enjoy working with the coaches and athletes and the staff, but honestly, I’m in an office on a Sunday night and will not have a day off for the next month and a half.

I don’t want a family now or anything like that but I don’t want to be riding on a bus trying to write a press release when I’m 40. I like being an SID and its allowed me to have a career in sports, my dream since I was a kid, and is paying for school right now, but I don’t think this will be my career in the future.
I have other interests in sports, including senior administration in college athletics, but it’s just hard seeing that future sometimes.

I’ve always had a warped sense of my skills. I’ve always downplayed the talents and skills that I have. When I was at Vanderbilt, I often felt that I didn’t deserve to be there and even when people bring up what a good school it is and tell me I must be smart to have graduated from there, I’m almost embarrassed to have gone there. Almost every job I have ever had, I’ve over performed to compensate my belief that I wasn’t worthy of being there and that I would be fired if I didn’t overachieve. This applies to my personal life as well. Let’s just say that I have self-confidence issues and leave it at that. But in the end, coming to Belmont has made me see my worth as an employee and as a person because I’m continually challenged by my work and the people around my life here. These challenges have made me stronger and patient with the developments of my life.

I mentioned in the past that I thought I would be married by now, but I also thought that I would be some big-time lawyer with an awesome office with a window also. That’s the main reason that I was so focused on academics as a youngster and earned scholarships for my private high school and eventually college. But I wasn’t happy in that life.

I love sports and working in it. It’s my hobby and my career. But with this job comes giving of your time that I and others may not be willing to give up.

Our amazing senior administrator at Belmont, Coach Wiseman, told my class last semester that the key to being a good administrator in college athletics and in sports in general is to serve the student-athletes. That was the most important thing I’ve learned here. However, do I or any of us want to do that for our career?

Do any of us want to work that extra hour to make sure that we do our job well at the expense of spending time with friends or in blissful solitude? Do any of you athletes want to have that extra practice at the expense of enjoying your favorite personal pastimes?

Sitting in an office alone on a Sunday night will make you reflective and contemplative. But that’s what truly makes you know what you want with your life and for that, I’m thankful.

Its a Gym and not a Club Med!

So I’m at the gym getting my lift in at the Beaman and I see this frickin couple talking to each other in between their sets.

I hate couples at the gym. Many of them treat the place like it’s a Club Med and its time to socialize. When I’m in the gym, its serious business. I’m ready to destroy everything in my path, including my body. I treat my workouts just like my job and I’m going to work. I see these people just hanging out near the squat rack, chatting it up. It makes me sick. I want to make them tap out with a patented rear naked choke.

And I don’t want to hear, “Hey Marcel, if you had a girlfriend you would feel differently.” Not true. I would work out with her but it would be to get in shape, not for social time. We can head to the Bongo and get a cup of coffee or go to the Curb and share some fries or something like that. Not in the gym.

There’s another group that annoys me. That group of guys that roll in groups of three to four who just go to the gym to chill and mack on girls. They need to go to. I like looking at the ladies also but that’s just one of those things that come about from being in a gym.

That girl I mentioned talking to in the gym last week was an exception.

I rarely talk to anybody in the gym and I’m told I look very angry, which is fair because it’s not fun busting my butt in there. Anyway, back to the guys, leave the darn gym. Those girls are probably not going to hook up with you anyway.

Forgive me if that sounds harsh, I’ve had a stressful few days recently. Work is getting to me a little bit, my dating life is striking out in a major way and the only release for me is the gym. When I see people not working as hard as me, it annoys me.

Also, not hearing from that girl from last week had me kinda pissed as well. But that’s standard for my dating life or lack of one. There will be a post or ten about that in the future. I have some good rejection stories. I accept it and move on as sad as it sounds.

In the end, maybe I shouldn’t look at others and how they want to live their lives. It’s a public place and people can do whatever they want, even if that is just chatting with your partner. Just don’t do it near me.

It’s never worthless

Our baseball team lost a tough home game recently and afterwards I told somebody that the whole experience was worthless.

Some background. The Bruins were playing a team I felt was inferior for them to play because the opponent was an NAIA school and it meant more work for me because it was a home game that I had to staff and manage, game notes and programs to prepare and other things that I didn’t want to do on a Tuesday night.

The grind of the baseball season has been slowly getting to me lately and furthermore, the scoreboard malfunctioned before the start of the game so I had to make extra, monotonous announcements on the PA. For the first time all season, I was tired of working at a baseball game. All of these emotions culminated with a loss.

At that moment, I felt that the whole thing was worthless, but that’s not true.

The wins and losses or peaks and valleys of our lives all have meanings we may or may not know at the time.

The main thing that I learned from that game was that I need to bring the same intensity and dedication to my job no matter what the circumstances are. I wasn’t focused on being the best SID possible for that game and that was wrong. I need to prepare for those games against NAIA schools the same way I would prepare if Belmont was playing in the College World Series against the best team in the nation.

I think it comes back to not looking at my situation as small. I love Belmont, I really do, but it’s such a small speck in the big world of college athletics. I know that some of you have an affinity for the school and may be offended by some of the things that I may say. Its sometimes tough working at Belmont and giving your maximum effort and people not caring because it’s a mid-major. Better yet, it’s hard for someone like me who is obsessive about sports and can name half the teams in the Big West, WAC, MAAC and every other conference in the country to hear people ask me what and where Belmont is when I tell them where I work. Subconsciously, this has made me look like Belmont and some of the teams that we play not worth my effort. That’s hard to say but it’s the truth.

Do I want to work in a bigger school in a major conference in the future? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. But I do know this. I want to be a senior college administrator in the future and I have to go through these experiences at Belmont before I can reach that goal. Even if that means sitting in a press box in front of a darn near empty stadium on a Tuesday night with a crappy scoreboard and seeing my team losing but trying hard to get better and find itself.

Just like life, it’s never worthless.

Good Samaritan

Yesterday morning, I was awakened by my roommate, Tom, informing me that our neighbor needed my car for a boost because his battery is dying. I wasn’t mad at Tom awakening me and we like our neighbor so I was down with helping him.

I enjoyed helping him, especially since I got to drive the wrong way on Belmont Boulevard, always a good time.

Anyway, we get his car started and he asks me if I have class that morning. I automatically say no but I have to get to the office soon to do some work. That was true, we had a baseball game that day and I was behind in my preparations for it. I really needed to get to work, but it wasn’t pressing enough to prevent me from helping a neighbor in need.

He eventually left and thanked me later that day for helping him but I still felt bad about my initial response to not help him more. I think subconsciously my mind was telling me that I was already helping him start the car and my work is done. However, that’s not the right attitude.

All of us want to help others in our lives, but up to a certain point. We tend to provide help up until a point when it becomes an inconvenience for us. Now, I did help my neighbor start the car and that was the main thing that he needed, but I should have been more willing to help him more. I let the continued rush of my life conflict with the need for me to be a Good Samaritan. I’m not proud of that fact but I’m working on it and you should to.

What went wrong? or right?

Why the engagement ring?

I was sending out e-mails to friends on Facebook telling them about this blog and I came across at least 20 friends who are either married or engaged to be married. They range from a close cousin back in New York to college buddies that I used to hang out with all the time. Many of us have lived our separate lives and they have found their mates for the future.

I honestly thought that I would be married by now. Some background. My mother, father and two brothers were all married and with children at points in their lives by the time I graduated from college. I thought I would lead the same path. I always assumed that I would meet that someone that I would spend the rest of my life with, raise a family, blah, blah, blah.

Well, several factors came into play. I’ve been driven to a fault in some ways to have a successful career and that has probably impeded me from meeting someone special. I choose the wrong profession to have a family with. Also, I’ve been way too selfish at points in my life to even entertain giving up some of myself to someone else. I’ve been a terrible listener and narrow minded at points in my life and that’s not good. Finally, I think not having a car in college and not having the game to make me a baler or a shot caller hurt as well. However, I don’t think that’s the biggest issue.

It definitely isn’t the “fear of a commitment” issue. I’ve never cheated on a girl and never had the desire to. I think my biggest fear is the responsibility of it all.

Marriage means having to share financial responsibilities with someone. It means possibly preparing to bring children to this world. If I screw something up in my life, I’m cool with it because it’s my fate and I can live with it. I screw up a marriage, I’m messing with her life and potentially children’s’ lives and that scares the crap out of me.

I see all of the friends with their partners smiling and looking happy and content to have someone else in their life. I go to bed alone every night and am often lonely. Not “my life is worthless” lonely, but just wanting someone.

I think I would be a decent husband and father right now if that went down, but I’m working on being a good boyfriend and before I get to that point, I have to be an excellent me. What I’m trying to say is that all of this is in stages. I’m not completely content with who I am right now and until that happens, there is no way that I would have a happy and dare I say successful life as a husband and father.

Maybe all of my friends have reached this maturation process a lot faster then I have and if that’s true, that’s kind of frustrating. I joke with some that I may be 26, but I don’t feel older than 22, but the reality is that I turn 27 next month. I don’t want to be the “old dad or husband,” that wouldn’t be fun. But I still have a lot of life ahead of me and things to experience.

I’ve always said that you have to deal with the cards that God gives you. Not everyone is meant to look the same or experience the same life. I don’t think I’ve ever been ready to be engaged. I can’t control that. Maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t. You just can’t force it and patience is hard especially when you look up and see couples all over campus, on TV, around town or on your Facebook and you are single.

But at least I have my money, because relationships are expensive. However, so are planning weddings and buying wedding gifts. That ring looks like it will hurt the wallet. Maybe I stay single a little while longer, for the bank account. Did I mention that my thriftiness with money (aka I’m cheap) may have something to do with the never engaged thing? It’s an endless cycle kids, just enjoy it and accept it.

Enjoyment and acceptance. That’s how I try to live.

I love Laundry Mats

I actually enjoy heading to the laundry mat. I was just there to wash some clothes. The best part is that it allows me to see the crossing of cultures.

The one thing I miss about living in New York more than anything besides seeing my favorite sports teams and the pizza is the crossing of cultures. The beauty of the city is that all cultures cross paths so often. Millionaires and people on welfare ride the subway together. Black and white people go to the Mets game together. Men and women go to see plays at Broadway together. I don’t find this as often in other cities that I’ve lived in. It seems like everyone comes into the city to do their job but goes back to their own neighborhood to go home. There seems to be minimal moments of interaction. We have Titans games here and football is a great equalizer but it’s not the same. However, we still have two places that everyone goes to. Supermarkets and laundry mats because everyone needs food and everyone needs clean clothes.

Now, you rich folks with your own washer and dryer, first, I’m jealous. I’m all about crossing cultures, but I’m also all about saving time and energy. Anyway, I know that even you at one point in your life have used a public laundry mat. The thing about these places is that it’s a crapshoot about who is going to be in there. I saw one guy in there today who was about 65 wearing some short jhorts (jean shorts) and a sleeveless bright yellow shirt. Very weird. There is also the creepy guy that lives above the laundry that I currently go to who always stares at me every time I go there and is always wearing the same robe and slippers.

I’ve seen mothers beat kids, drunks begging for money and other exciting things over the years. There’s also the occasional person that you’re attracted to whose there. This was especially big in college. You’re getting your clothes washed and that cute girl from your sociology class walks in and you think it’s on. Only you annoy her trying to act like you care about that paper due next week when you really want to go out on a date with her. Ah yes, I annoyed plenty of girls over my years at Vanderbilt at the laundries at Towers and Vandy/Barnard. Good times.

Anyway, back to the cultures, I just like the idea of seeing different types of people in our society crossing paths. That’s why I enjoy the laundry mat even thought they keep raising prices every month. But at least I get to see old men in jean shorts.