This past week, The Early Show on CBS was reliving the proms of all of the hosts of the show because its prom season. Everyone was reunited with their dates and friends from high school and it was a good time. So you know what that means. I had to reflect on my prom experience, not so good.
It was the spring of 1999, boy bands were all the rage, the Mets were in the middle of a decent run and my school’s prom was coming up. I went to an all boys' school, so in the infinite wisdom of the school, they decided to merge with other single sex schools to have one big prom. Since I was the student body president, guess who had to plan this thing.
I disliked the concept of a prom because I thought it was stupid to have to dress up in clothes I don’t like for an event I don’t want to go to. If I had my choice, I wouldn’t have gone to it because I knew that I would go and get depressed and that’s exactly what happened.
I actually had a deal on a tuxedo, so I didn’t have to pay for that, so that was good. However, I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time and no girls liked me enough to go as a friend, so I had to go to the damn prom alone because I planned the event and I was required to attend.
While planning the whole event, I was extremely lonely and depressed that I had to plan for an event everyone else would have fun at accept me.
So the day of the prom comes and I was actually going to just hop on the subway, literally go to the event for like 10 minutes and go home and cry my eyes out. You know, a typical Friday night during high school. But bless my mother’s heart, she had other plans.
She knew how sad I was and decided to rent some town car from a car service to take me. I just accepted it because I didn’t want to make my mother mad. So I get into the car and just feel sad that I have to act happy at this event when I just want to stay home.
So I arrive at the event, everyone is having a good time and I put on a happy face because I don’t want to bring the mood down. I see some of my good buddies like Carlos and John, who managed to find dates. So much for hanging with the boys.
I’m about to leave the prom but I’m convinced to go to a post-party at my friend’s Curtis’ house. I decide to go and everyone is there with their dates accept me. There was no alcohol, which sucked because at least I could’ve gotten drunk to feel better, but that wasn’t possible. Everyone was cool at the party even though I hardly knew anybody.
It ends up being around 2 a.m. and I just leave. I hail a cab and just head home.
That was probably the saddest I’ve felt in my life at that time. Sitting in that cab ride knowing that every time I think of proms, that memory will come back. I have no pictures from that event, I rarely speak about it to anybody, and I honestly can’t tell you the name of the place the event was at even though I planned it. I’ve pushed this event away from my memory because it was too painful for me then.
Everyone in college would always talk about their prom in a great light. They went with their partner, hung out with friends, and had some fun and wild stories to last a lifetime. I have that cab ride home feeling that no one ever liked me and never will.
So, when I see all of those teenagers out there now going to their proms, I actually get a little emotional about it. I don’t cry as often thinking about it, even though I almost teared up just now typing this. During college, even the mention of a prom would make me an emotional mess the rest of the day.
Its not that I’m jealous that other people have enjoyed their events, I’m happy for them. I’ve never wished the bad emotions I have to be passed on to someone else. I just sometimes wonder why I have to go through painful events like my prom when they hurt me.
I guess I look back on that event and try to figure out why it happened. Even in my lifelong relationship rut, I have to believe that all of this is happening for a reason. I have to emerge from it stronger mentally.
This is why I don’t think about proms. That emotional feeling is coming back now. So I’ll just end it on this. I honestly wish that I didn’t go to it because it would have been much cooler to ditch it and not have gone through it. But I went to it and it’s now a part of my life that has to be accepted.
It is what it is
It was the spring of 1999, boy bands were all the rage, the Mets were in the middle of a decent run and my school’s prom was coming up. I went to an all boys' school, so in the infinite wisdom of the school, they decided to merge with other single sex schools to have one big prom. Since I was the student body president, guess who had to plan this thing.
I disliked the concept of a prom because I thought it was stupid to have to dress up in clothes I don’t like for an event I don’t want to go to. If I had my choice, I wouldn’t have gone to it because I knew that I would go and get depressed and that’s exactly what happened.
I actually had a deal on a tuxedo, so I didn’t have to pay for that, so that was good. However, I didn’t have a girlfriend at the time and no girls liked me enough to go as a friend, so I had to go to the damn prom alone because I planned the event and I was required to attend.
While planning the whole event, I was extremely lonely and depressed that I had to plan for an event everyone else would have fun at accept me.
So the day of the prom comes and I was actually going to just hop on the subway, literally go to the event for like 10 minutes and go home and cry my eyes out. You know, a typical Friday night during high school. But bless my mother’s heart, she had other plans.
She knew how sad I was and decided to rent some town car from a car service to take me. I just accepted it because I didn’t want to make my mother mad. So I get into the car and just feel sad that I have to act happy at this event when I just want to stay home.
So I arrive at the event, everyone is having a good time and I put on a happy face because I don’t want to bring the mood down. I see some of my good buddies like Carlos and John, who managed to find dates. So much for hanging with the boys.
I’m about to leave the prom but I’m convinced to go to a post-party at my friend’s Curtis’ house. I decide to go and everyone is there with their dates accept me. There was no alcohol, which sucked because at least I could’ve gotten drunk to feel better, but that wasn’t possible. Everyone was cool at the party even though I hardly knew anybody.
It ends up being around 2 a.m. and I just leave. I hail a cab and just head home.
That was probably the saddest I’ve felt in my life at that time. Sitting in that cab ride knowing that every time I think of proms, that memory will come back. I have no pictures from that event, I rarely speak about it to anybody, and I honestly can’t tell you the name of the place the event was at even though I planned it. I’ve pushed this event away from my memory because it was too painful for me then.
Everyone in college would always talk about their prom in a great light. They went with their partner, hung out with friends, and had some fun and wild stories to last a lifetime. I have that cab ride home feeling that no one ever liked me and never will.
So, when I see all of those teenagers out there now going to their proms, I actually get a little emotional about it. I don’t cry as often thinking about it, even though I almost teared up just now typing this. During college, even the mention of a prom would make me an emotional mess the rest of the day.
Its not that I’m jealous that other people have enjoyed their events, I’m happy for them. I’ve never wished the bad emotions I have to be passed on to someone else. I just sometimes wonder why I have to go through painful events like my prom when they hurt me.
I guess I look back on that event and try to figure out why it happened. Even in my lifelong relationship rut, I have to believe that all of this is happening for a reason. I have to emerge from it stronger mentally.
This is why I don’t think about proms. That emotional feeling is coming back now. So I’ll just end it on this. I honestly wish that I didn’t go to it because it would have been much cooler to ditch it and not have gone through it. But I went to it and it’s now a part of my life that has to be accepted.
It is what it is
3 comments:
dude... i only went to my senior prom for 5 minutes by myself. Proms are overrated.
I can't say I feel much different about that prom man. Oh, and it was at the Waldorf Astoria. But I feel you man, I was in the same boat. Went there alone, went home alone.
thanks for remembering George. It wasn't all bad I guess.
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