Wednesday, February 18, 2009

One Big Reflection


Some music that was actually done in the past six months! I always feel that my music choices are a little different but I heard this song on TV and features Keri Hilson, who I’m becoming a fan of. It also have our main man, Lil Wayne. I have no beef with the guy, I just am not a fan of all of his stuff. Good song though:



I was going to do my NBA Review tonight but its late and I would do an improper job of it. You will have to wait till the weekend for that post. I was also going to do some Random Observations and a Crush of the Day but those can wait.

The past week or so has been draining between work, non-work and school.

Work has been work. We hosted basketball contests on four consecutive days and that was more draining than I thought. I enjoy the activities, but during the final one on Monday night, all I was thinking about was going home and getting some sleep. Furthermore, I’m preparing for our baseball season and that means that this week has been long and the games haven’t even started yet.

Non-work has been busy too. I attended the Vandy vs. Kentucky contest yesterday night and actually worked it, check that, volunteered to assist with the operations. I don’t mind doing it, its my alma mater, I enjoy the games and the staff is great. I seriously considered not working last night because I was so drained from the last week or so. However, I didn’t because first, I made a commitment to be there and I have to honor that. Second, it was Vandy v. Kentucky, can’t miss that and third, Ashley, who I saw yesterday and she was once again spectacular.

BTW, if you don’t know who Ashley is, shame.

And then finally, I have school. I had class tonight and we had a quiz that I failed miserably. To keep it completely honest here on the Blog, I was so busy with other things that I didn’t even study for it. Furthermore, we were supposed to read a chapter from our text book and I didn’t even know we were supposed to do that because I didn’t look at the assignment. In my other class, I had to turn in an assignment tonight for it and have a quiz tomorrow that I probably won’t be prepared for because of preparing for baseball.

I also have meetings that I have to attend.

Even at last night’s game, I was talking with someone on Vandy’s staff and he asked me how I keep up this insane schedule. We talked and he was questioning our careers in media relations and I completely agreed with him. That made me think about this lifestyle that I’m living.

I don’t like it and I don’t love it but it’s fine. I will never dare say that I lead a tough life compared to others we can all think of in our own paths of life. Shoot, my two older brothers served in the military, Army represent, so I saw first-hand the commitment of a dedicated life. Worrying about media guides, studying for marketing quizzes or preparing walk-up music for baseball players is nothing compared to that stuff.

I enjoy some things that I do, but the grind of it all is mentally draining especially when they’re aren’t many other things going on. I usually wake up, work out, do my job, read some articles, blog here and go to bed.

I tell myself that all of these efforts are going towards something bigger but when I graduate from school in May and all of this stuff that I’m doing stops, what will the payoff be?

I really hope, honestly, I need for it to be a job in sports management that I can build on. No more internships, graduate assistantships, volunteer positions. I’ve done those for literally years and I’m over that. But that’s for another time.

Personally, I do all of this stuff and it does get lonely.

I see my friends and co-workers dating, going out, being social, getting married, buying homes, having children, doing things that I would like to do. I’ll tell you when the People’s Champion tells me he goes home and gets to play and hang out with my adopted nephew, it sounds like the best time and honestly, I’m jealous of that.

I see the pictures on Facebook. I hear other people’s stories. They are taking vacations in fun locations, enjoying life.
Heck, I was taking out the garbage tonight and ran into a next door neighbor I’ve never met before. She was tall, nice face, olive skin, tall, dark hair, gorgeous.

Of course, when I see her in the light, she’s pregnant and we’re talking and she talks about her husband and everything. Very nice personality and everything.

Frickin marriage and babies, I have to cross paths with that and I haven’t had a girlfriend, let alone a third date in years. I’m 27, I do think about this stuff, its only natural to wonder if I will ever have that in my life. Probably not. I know that I talk about your path, your journey, meaning that you shouldn't compare your life to anyone else's because you're different.
However, when there are so many people in your circle that are doing things that you would like to eventually have but you can't envision it happening, its not a good feeling at times. The loner/lone wolf lifestyle has its benefits but drawbacks as well.

OK, back to the subject at hand.

I like sports and want to keep it as a profession, but if it takes away from me being happy personally, then its not worth it. If I live like this in five years, I will probably be miserable.

I like being honest with myself and questioning things in my life. If you don’t question the job that you have, you’re doing a disservice to yourself. If you don’t think about your personal life like I’ve done above, you’re going to cheat yourself. Most importantly, if you’re not honest with your life, then you will not live a fulfilled one.

The solution to this may be for me to hit the bars or clubs, tear up the city and allow outside influences or substances help solve my problems. Done that in the past and I find that this masks my true feelings and not interested.

Maybe I should find a date and enjoy relations. Sure, that would be a fun time but that doesn’t happen in an instant. That has to take place over time.

The answer has developed over writing this post. The past few nights I haven’t had time to write and even tonight is not the best but I was going to be darned if I didn’t express myself.

In the end, I lead this lifestyle for several reasons:

1) This is something that I’ve wanted since 2005. When I was working at my old PR firm and handling accounts in the financial industry, I told myself that I was going to work in sports and bust my ass until I reached my goals.

2) Its fun. Its still sports. I have my ups and downs and moments when I want to get away from it but in the end, I’ve wanted to be a part of this industry since I was a little kid. It’s the only thing that has really held my interest. I know a lot about many things but sports motivates me.

3) Commitment. I’ve made commitments to my graduate school, current employers, coaches and honestly most importantly student-athletes to do my job to the best of my ability. One of my supervisors once told my grad school class in the fall of 2007 in a presentation that her ultimate job was to serve the student-athletes. This person has been at the forefront of college athletics nationally for many years and has tenure and clout to have any attitude that she wants. If she can still have that attitude after all of these years, I should have the same.

4) Mental toughness. Going through all of these things right now has made me mentally tougher.

This reminds me of what Bas Rutten, one of the best MMA fighters ever, says about the sport. He says that it’s 100% mental. What he means by that is that anyone can learn how to become a fighter physically and learn techniques, however, it takes someone mentally tough to prepare himself everyday and make the commitment to become a great fighter.

It’s the same for my job and really in life. Someone can learn how to do my job in two weeks, max. Its really not that hard physically to do. Skill is required but it’s the mental aspect that makes you a good sports professional.

Its working those four straight nights and not complaining about it. Its doing work early in the morning and late into the night and accepting the positive and negative aspects of it. Its studying for tests and quizzes on subjects that you may not hold interest in but you do it so that you can learn.

You notice that I haven’t written about Amber or Joan or a lot of other minor things that occupied my life in the past. I still think about them at times but it doesn’t help me mentally seek my peace so I move on.

5) I’m good at it. The key is now finding the thing that best shows my skills. Also, its not about the money. I work in sports and I’m not going to make a lot of it, especially in this economy. I gave up becoming a millionaire in this industry a long time ago so the finances aren’t a motivation for me. If the money comes, that would be great.

OK, that was a lot to write and for you to read. Thanks for letting me get some stuff out there. I’ve been trying to do stuff on more general topics and not get personal but I had to get this out there.

Have a good fight and restful night.

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