Another award winning edition of Sunday Reflections...
-Busy and slow weekend overall. I spend a lot of time writing for the blog. Friday night was an evening out with the boys and a lady that was detailed in a post. I spend yesterday afternoon at Green Hills Mall, which was cool. Then I spent all of last night writing my advice post, which was the most enjoyable thing that I’ve written so far. Today was a lazy day doing laundry and watching the European Championship finals. Speaking of which…
-Viva Espana! I’m so glad that Spain beat Germany today. I have no beefs against any of the European teams, so I’m completely neutral. However, I want to see open action and aggressive soccer play. Teams like Germany and Italy play in that old school, passive defensive style that turns off potential soccer fans. Those two teams have tons of international tournament success, so you can’t knock it too much.
However, I want to see progressive play get rewarded and the Spaniards winning Euro confirmed this. Spain also played solid defense in today’s final, something Espana has been weak at in the past.
When I think of Euro, I will think of how Holland played the best soccer I’ve ever seen from a national team in their first two matches and then wet the bed in the quarterfinals against Russia. I’ll think of Spain finally breaking through. I’ll think of the classic penalty kick shootout between Spain and Italy. I’ll think of the surprising Russians. I’ll think about how Portugal can have such talent and promise, yet forget how to do fundamental thinks like defensive marking against Germany and that will always be their downfall.
The main thing that I will think about however, is the Turks. Their never give up attitude was inspiring to watch. Turkey went through so many injuries and suspensions, yet kept fighting and made an excellent run. Their wins against the Czech Republic and Croatia were thrilling. Even in defeat against Germany, they tied the score late before the Germans scored in the final minute. I’m now a lifetime fan of the Turks!
-At Green Hills Mall, I saw Vanessa Williams and that was a good sight. She’s smaller and shorter then I thought she would be. It was so weird because I was just walking to the Brookstone store next the Apple store and I see her in a white dress, really no makeup, with her small daughter I’m assuming and two other women. I guess she’s in town filming a movie or something like that.
Anyway, I didn’t place her at first and then I said to myself, is that Vanessa Williams? Very attractive and you know the love I have for older women. I’m supposed to say that she could get it or CGI at this point, even though I’ve never turned down a girl. She actually may crack the bench on my top-five, speaking of which…
I recently saw this picture of Ciara and she once again confirmed why she will always be a member of the top-five. Ashley is still the GM/head coach. For old time’s sake…
I will have an updated top-five list soon.
-As sucky as the Mets have been playing lately, they are only four games out of first place. That’s the beauty of baseball, the season is so darn long. The Mets have fired a manager, the clubhouse doesn’t get along, players want to get out and they are still in contention. Good stuff. Also…
-The Rays are coming on strong and are in it for the long haul. I LOVE that the Rays are contending and are actually in first place now. I get so, so tired of hearing about the Yankees and the Red Sox all of the time. I don’t have a big beef against either team, I just get tired of the media coverage of them. Detroit is also only five games out as well. Maybe my AL West champions Seattle can recover and make a run…maybe not.
-I’ll have my updated MLB predictions/review at the All-Star game in a few weeks.
-I must tell you that I’m a sucker for the Olympics, both Winter and Summer. I’m going to elaborate on this more in a future post. For now, I was watching the trials for Track and Field as well as Swimming. I don’t know all of the athletes names right now, but I just love the competition. Tyson Gay and Michael Phelps are freaks, btw. I also checked out the gymnastics one a few weeks ago as well.
-I was driving around town over the weekend and I began to thing about my career and what I would like to do with it. It was a reflective moment and I was glad to have it.
-I recently joined a cool Facebook group called “If you remember the 90’s…” Great group and going over the information on there brought back so many memories. Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204285338
-I watched 60 Minutes today and there was a story on Will Smith in anticipation of his new movie, Hancock. Such a down to earth guy. I’m a big fan of his and Fresh Prince of Bel Air was essential viewing. In West Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spend most of my days…Y’all know what I’m talking about.
Here are some potential post topics for the next week (I will try to not write a post about women or dating.)
-Does this offend me, Part 3. Its coming, I promise -Olympics -Fourth of July memories -So Black people don’t like rock music?
I heard this Bush song at a bar on Friday night and it brought back some memories. Actually, it was the cover band at Tin Roof. I was a HUGE fan of Bush back in the day. Have a good week.
The article has some good points and the comments section also provided some good advice that can relate to life in general.
I know that I’m five years removed from graduating from college and I still can use as much knowledge as I can. So, I’m going to list all of the advice points/messages from the article and give my thoughts on them.
Graduation commencement speeches are pointless: I’ve detailed my memories of my college graduation in a past post here: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-graduation.html. At my school, we don’t have guest speakers. Instead our current Chancellor gives a message of hope. I really didn’t care too much for it and was just concerned with staying cool on a hot afternoon.
Watch all of the sports you can now: Luckily for me, I work in sports. I get paid to follow sports, to a certain degree. I have to know about the athletics of the school I work for and the conference, but everything else is just gravy. I’m not married, single and have no children, so I have a lot of free time to enjoy the ball game. However, you can get burnt out on sports. I like being the smartest sports person that I know, I mean that seriously. I haven’t met anyone that can touch me with knowing so much about every sport, even ones that I don’t care much for like golf. It’s a tough balance, but for now, I get my fill.
But to go into this point further, it seems like there’s this perception among men that once you get married, you have to give up all of your interests, sports included, and become a wimp who enjoys none of your hobbies anymore. If you’re a sports fan and your wife gets mad at you every time that you want to watch a ballgame or hang out with you buddies, reevaluate your wife situation. I’m not saying that you should hit the bars every night. Spend time with your wife. However, if she isn’t willing to allow you to follow your interests, that’s a problem. Also, get into her interests as well, make it balanced. If your wife gives you grief, that’s a shame on you moment, I’m just saying.
What, you got a job already: The point of this one is that you will move back home after you graduate college. I did and lived with family for three years before I moved out on my own. Take advantage of this opportunity as much as you can, because once you reach a certain age, you can’t live home again unless it’s an extreme circumstance.
On this same front, be prepared to have misunderstanding parents who don’t get your career. My mother will never understand why I’m in graduate school barely making money to live and taking loans out when I have a college degree from one of the best schools in the nation. She thinks that I should be making big bucks right now, but the reality is that in sports, it’s a grind to get to where you want to go. She even joked that when I graduate from grad school next year, I should be getting a salary around $40,000-$50,000. Maybe in two or three years. She doesn’t get it, but she loves me and supports me. Just be prepared for people to not get that you won’t make money when you first get out of school, which brings me to my next point…
Your first job will suck and you will not work for a cool company: My first job after college actually wasn’t bad. I was an intern for a fashion magazine and made no money. I learned a lot though. My first real job was working at a financial public relations firm in Atlanta about a year after I graduated. The pay was good and it helped me establish myself as an individual. In the end, I found my calling volunteering on the game day staff at Georgia Tech athletic events, which I didn’t get paid for at first.
I’ve lived in three different cities in three years. I’m technically a graduate assistant and get school paid for and get a stipend, which compared to other situations, is amazing. However, when your friends from college are making high five-figures and owning homes while you struggle in your small apartment and living check to check, it’s going to be rough. But if you find out what you like to do with your career, it will all work out in the end, you have to believe that.
Furthermore, work can’t be about money. Make sure that you’re fairly compensated for your work however. If your job pays you say $20,000 but you know that someone else will pay you more, treat you better and help your career more, take the new job. However, if you’re doing your work purely for money, your interest will end soon. You may make some cash and be good financially, but you will most likely be unhappy.
Don’t go to law school: If you want to be a lawyer, that’s cool. Just make sure that you are cut out for the lifestyle and actually want a legal career. I worked in the law school library of my school and people would be in school to do some other things then law. Why spend all of that money for three years? Go to business school. Its only two years, the skills you pick up translate to any profession and it’s more laid back. Or you can go to graduate school in your chosen profession field. Just make sure that’s what you want to do. I can’t do all of this stuff for sports management and decide to be a doctor. However, I want to work in sports, so it’s all good for me.
Live and work in New York City for a year: I totally agree with this. I’m biased because it’s my hometown, but it does make you a stronger person. Furthermore, the NYC allows you to see different cultures in action and makes you realize that you’re just one person among millions. It humbles you and that’s good for you.
Unless you work in the fashion industry, never wear a polo shirt with your company’s emblem in it: Me turn down free clothes, please. I work in a college athletic department. Our school’s logo is on everything, so this doesn’t apply to me.
In relation to this however, people tell you that you should dress for the job that you want. That’s true and not true. If you work in a corporate office where everyone wears a tie, wear a tie. However, if you work in a business casual office, don’t wear suits everyday. You may think that you’re dressing great, but believe it or not, a coworker or two will resent you inside because you look like you’re trying to prove that you’re above them. I know that sounds crazy, but I’ve been told this multiple times. If you like to wear suits in that type of environment, only do it a few times a week. On Fridays, wear a polo and some nice slacks and you will blend in with everybody. For the ladies, be careful of what you wear, because men are men. If your skirt is too tight or high, we’re going to notice. If your blouse is too low cut that we can see cleavage, we’re going to talk about it. Even that male boss that you have who is married with kids and seems so respectful will talk about how you dress with the male co-workers because he’s a man. It happens.
Also, every place I’ve worked has always had a ranking of the cutest women in our office, bosses and married people included. It doesn’t mean that we’re going to act unprofessional and practice sexual harassment; it’s just that guys do that stuff. It stays between us and we move on.
So ladies, just be careful.
Never do your taxes by hand: I always do my taxes by hand and no problems there.
The only pick-up line you should ever use at any time is “Hi, my name is (whatever your name is, likely Tyler or Taylor or something like that).”: I agree with that. Just introduce yourself to someone that you’re interested in. If he or she just rejects you coldly, then screw that bitch or bastard.
If everyone else is dancing, you should dance too: I don’t like to dance at all. However, I think you can take from this statement that you should be open to things in life. If your co-workers are watching a ballgame at the bar even though you can’t tell the difference between a touchdown and home run, go anyway. If you’re talking with someone and they start discussing a topic you have no idea about, just ask them kindly to repeat what they said and explain it in more detail. You may learn something.
People are frickin idiots: The article uses another F word, but I try to keep it clean here. I don’t think that people are idiots per se, but that they aren’t as intelligent as you think. Never look at someone and say, wow, they’re so much smarter than me I don’t compare to them. Screw that attitude.
It also helps to be a little selfish and let people live in their own way. If someone wants to drink every night, do drugs, have sex with anything that moves and kick puppies, let them do it and don’t stick your nose in their lifestyle. If you don’t like gay people yet someone you know declares himself a homosexual, let them be. Not everyone has your beliefs in life and they shouldn’t either. Do you want to live a society where everyone shares the same opinion and beliefs as you do? That’s what cults and organized religion are for and neither one has the best history in society.
If a girl playfully punches you in a conversation, you can hook up with her: I don’t know if that’s totally true, even though I’ve heard that if she touches you, that’s a good sign. Just be careful with that one.
Don’t smoke Crack: Don’t do drugs in general. That leads to some bad stuff.
I’m not an angel and will tell you that I haven’t experimented in the past. However, just get that phase out of our system. As cool as it sounds to be a stoner when you’re 40, you’re still a stoner at 40. Let it go.
Here are things you should go name brand on:
-Cereal -Oatmeal (most important one) -Toilet paper -Peanut Butter and Jelly
Be extra nice to the people who handle your food: I can’t say this clearer. They handle your food. They can mess up your night real fast, if you know what I mean. If your waiter is being rude, don’t act like an ass because they can do stuff to your food. Just be polite with your complaints.
Be nice to people who work in retail: I worked in retail for a year and it’s a thankless job. Also, be nice to the clerk when you’re returning an item, because that’s the biggest pain in the ass to do. Furthermore, try to return stuff where you got it from. It may seem easy to leave those socks in the pants section, but the clerk has to return that stuff and that’s extra work. If you don’t want to return it in the original section, drop it off at the front counter. Your future clerk will thank you.
Also, tip well; especially at places you go to often. It matters.
Avoid STD’s: If you’re inclined to have sexual activities, please protect yourself. It’s so simple. There are so many forms of protection, it’s not funny. Wear that condom, use that lube or cream, take that pill. Be safe out there, for real.
Don’t be married under 30: There’s no rush. If he/she is cool when you’re 25, they will be the same at 30 if that person is right for you. Marriage compromises you so much in relation to where you live, what job you have, how often you see family and friends. Why rush into that, because once you get married, you can look forward to 30-40 years of sitting in the house watching the news together.
Furthermore, communicate with your future wife/husband. Make sure that each of you shares the same opinion on things like home ownership, kids, sexual activity, education and everything else. If you want four kids and she wants none, that’s a problem. If you want to live in Seattle in five years while she wants to go to school in Miami, work that out. Go to therapy or marriage counseling BEFORE you get married.
Go home and get stoned at least once a quarter during lunch: I don’t condone drug usage so I can’t co-sign on that one.
I will say this, take advantage of your vacation time. I know that you want to impress your boss and work every hour possible and take no time off, but that will burn you out quickly. You will start to resent that job and perform poorly. If you finish work early on a day, just ask your boss if you can go home early. They will most likely say yes. Live your life and don’t get obsessed with work. You have to have balance.
Learn to say “screw it”: Things in your life are going to happen that are outside of your control. Just accept it and you will be a lot happier.
Learn the art of networking: Become friends with other people in your job industry in your city and nationally. Join organizations like PRSA for public relations people. They know about job openings before they’re published officially.
Also, network your friends. They may know of someone that you could date.
Never trust your bank balance online: Just keep track of your money and make sure that your checks clear before you start spending.
Never eat your roommate’s food: Its all about respect.
Don’t mix wine/liquor and beer: Amen to that. It’s a bad combination that you will pay for later in the night. Also, blacking out because you drank too much may seem cute when you’re at that keg party at name frat house here, but when you’re in your late 20’s that gets old. The reason is that your friends now have to drag/carry your drunken butt home and no one wants to be a babysitter to someone drunk when you’re out. Turn down that shot.
Get good car insurance, including AAA: When you’re broken down in the middle of the highway, you’ll be thankful you followed this advice.
Never tell someone that “I’ll make more money in a week then you will in a month:” That’s just an asshole thing to do, number one. Secondly, life is cyclical. You may be flying high right now, but something can happen in a second that brings you down.
Karma: Believe in that.
Don’t become good friends with your neighbor: Be respectful and open, but keep a distance.
Don’t crap where you eat or eat where you crap: I can never get this statement right. However, here are a group of people that you should never date if possible:
1) Coworkers 2) Neighbors 3) Student-Athletes (if you work in an athletic department) 4) Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of a good friend of yours or sibling 5) Sibling of a good friend
That’s a partial list. I’m sure that I’m forgetting some
Buy good alcohol: You graduated college or are close to it. Enough with the Natty Light, cheap wine, Milwaukee Beast and others. However, don’t hate on box wine, that stuff is the truth.
Never trust a big butt and a smile: Bell Biv Devoe told us this, but there is some meaning to this. Be careful who you hook up with. Have fun, but just beware. Stay away from those dirty girls.
Go to your high school’s graduation five years after you graduated: I haven’t done this yet, but would like to.
Separate home and work: If you’re having problems at home, don’t bring that into work. Your co-workers will hate you. If you’re having problems at work, leave it at work. Your spouse, kids or roommates don’t want that crap.
Never go to bed hungry: My uncle Greg believes in this and I agree. I know that healthy people tell you not to eat before you go to sleep, but you don’t want to be lying there in your bed with your stomach grumbling. Have a banana or a bowl of oatmeal and call it a night.
Have one really good suit: Goes without explanation
Save your MP3 collection/old albums: I liked Limp Bizkit at a point in my life. I once bought an NSYNC album. Those weren’t good choices, even though I love Justin Timberlake now. However, I look at those music purchases and can think back to those times fondly.
Fly your freak flag with pride: I like soap operas, especially General Hospital. I cry over movies all the time. I like mixed martial arts. I love the Mars Volta and Minus the Bear even though I’m a big black guy from the NYC. I love Maury and court shows, especially People’s Court and Divorce Court. Don’t play the macho card and act all tough. Accept your diverse interests and if someone gives you shit about it, they suck.
Go to at least one music act in every music genre: Hit up a rap show if you’re a big alternative music fan. Go to a dive bar and see a punk rock show if you dig hip-hop. Hit up some classical music. See a jazz band. Diversify your musical taste and it will make you a better person. Never date a woman with more than one cat: Pets are cool, but if she digs the cats more than you, move on.
Don’t get drunk at an office outing: I know that open bar looks enticing, but if you get drunk off your ass, you will be remembered as an ass and that’s not good.
If you have kids, be careful how often you mention them at work: Yes it’s cool that your son got his first base hit in little league or your daughter danced well at the recital, just don’t bore us with that info.
Learn a musical instrument: Even if you suck at it, like I do with bass, at least you’re trying. Don’t be a pussy and start playing Guitar Hero.
Don’t kiss up to your boss too much: Have some dignity.
Know the syndication TV schedule: When you’re having a rough day, there’s nothing better then watching an old Seinfeld, Scrubs, Simpsons, Family Guy, Everybody Loves Raymond, Two and a Half Men or Frasier episode to make you laugh and bring your spirits up. Find out when your favorite old show is on and you’ll have something to look forward to at night.
You have two ears and one mouth…you know the rest: It’s an old saying, but listen more than you speak. I have to work on this skill myself.
You’re only as young/old as you feel: Age is just a number used to determine if you can drive, get drunk, rent a car, enter a sports draft, be elected a politician or collect social security. Don’t let that shit determine what you do in life.
Don’t trust anybody: Sounds harsh, but you have to keep your guard up. By default, you will trust the people that need to be trusted and the ones you shouldn’t trust will be shut out because you didn’t trust them in the beginning. It works out.
Don’t take politics too seriously: We all agree that we have problems in our society, just different ways to solve them. Also, don’t label yourself a Democrat or Republican. Think for yourself and vote for whom you think is right for the job and not just based on the party that he or she is representing.
If you find a girlfriend/boyfriend who is willing to wake up early, pack your lunch, start a pot of coffee, and then go back to bed all while you shower, keep him/her at all costs: So true.
Some quick hitters before I go:
-If you can, spend a little extra and get your own place (I wish I could do this).
-Learn how to cook. Eating out is expensive and the ladies like a man that can cook.
-Get involved with an older man/woman once in your life. You’ll learn something.
-Learn how to iron.
-Beware of moonshine or homemade beer. Worst drunken experience was in sophomore year of college when I didn’t do this.
-All women have dad issues and all men have mother issues. The sooner you realize that, the better.
-Have a professional e-mail address. You can still have a fun one, but when you start applying for jobs and you give your boss the one with goofy nickname@hotmail.com, not good.
-Learn how to swim.
-Watch your bathroom habits at work.
-Eat a good breakfast.
-Know a good lawyer, just in case.
-Don’t lie as much as possible. Telling the truth is much easier.
-Travel as much as you can. America is a great country, see it.
Finally, this is the most important one of all:
Just be decent to people.
Many of these advice items come down to one thing. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I know that some people are going to respond negatively and be an asshole to you. Don’t be a pussy and take someone treating you like crap. Stand up for yourself. However, if you’re good to people, good things will happen to you.
And I’m a nice guy, but I get screwed out of things at times. However, I can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with that guy. If you can do that in your life, well done. If not, there’s time.
I would love to hear your tips because this was the most fun post that I’ve ever written and I know I’ve missed some stuff.
For your viewing pleasure, here’s some Limp Bizkit. First concert I ever saw in Nashville was the Limp Bizkit/Method Man/Redman/System of a Down tour back in 1999 during freshman year. Ah, the memories.
This was supposed to be my first drunk post in the grand tradition of the drunk dial or the new popular drunk text message, but I’ve sobered up through the evening or early morning.
This is definitely the latest post that I’ve ever done.
I just got back from a night out in Nashville with my boys and a lady friend. We went to several places downtown including McFadden’s and ended the evening at my favorite reflective place, Tin Roof.
The reason that I call it my favorite reflective place is that I always think of post topics there, like this one. But I have to hit on some things first:
-The ladies of Nashville are outstanding. I saw some amazing women out there with all types of looks. Big, small, black, white, blond, brunette, big butts, small butts, strong upper bodies, small upper bodies and everything in between. The scenery was great.
-It was good to hear some good dance/rap music. I usually stick to my hard rock/progressive music; however, it was good to hear some jams blasting in the club. That Justin Timberlake/Madonna song Four Minutes is the truth.
-I honestly have no idea how to approach women, at least in a bar. I’m a social guy and can hold a good conversation but I need to get a start. There are two problems with bars in this area. One, the music is way, way too loud. I hate having to shout over people to have a conversation. Second, you women travel in packs and that’s intimidating as hell. I would see one girl who was cute and seemed nice; however she would be around two or three of her friends and would be shielding her off from everyone. How am I supposed to penetrate that fortress?
Finally, towards the end of the night, we head over to Tin Roof and just see all of the hot girls there and wondering to myself, what do I really want from women currently in my life.
I feel so confused right now in many things in my life. I’ve had a mini-career crisis professionally. Actually, that sounds too harsh. I love my current job, but once I graduate from grad school next May, I have to find another one and I have a lot of potential options. I’ll save that issue for another post.
For now, I don’t know what I want from women now. Do I want to just have a sexual relationship with them? I do have physical needs that I would like to seen met. When I see a beautiful woman, I do want to have “relations” with her.
BTW, I sound like a parent trying to explain sex to a little child or a really religious person that doesn’t want to say sex.
Anyway, I would like to have sex with women. However, I just don’t want to meet some girl in a bar and hook up with her the same night. That’s not only dirty; it’s unhealthy, immature and just bad times.
So I know that I don’t want a dirty girl, that’s for sure.
I’ve written in the past that I would like to develop a friendship with a woman before anything physical went down. I still believe in that, for the most part.
I think the problem is that all of the women that I’ve confronted in the past few months each have their own quirks. Let’s break them down:
Brittany- Old friend from back home in the NYC. Care about her very much, but she’s there and I’m in Nashville. We communicate, but the distance means that we can’t date.
Alicia- Old friend from college who currently lives in Atlanta. Nice woman who I vibe with well. However, one mini-problem is that she lives in Atlanta and one major problem is that she allegedly has a boyfriend of over a year, even though she said we could hang out whenever I’m back in town.
Amber- Oh, Amber. Well, let’s see. She’s actually one of the more chill girls that I’ve met in a while, easy to talk with, digs and understands my career and is beautiful. Plus, she has a cool nickname, “Workout Girl,” and someone that everyone asks about when they mention my blog. However, she’s dating someone back in her hometown.
Joan- This one is an interesting case. I really, really like her. Joan has every characteristic in a woman that I would like to date from looks, interests and everything in between. She’s a big sports fan and likes Family Guy. I feel the most connected with her out of anybody and we’re compatible. What more could I need? She’s become a good friend over the past few months. However, she’s in a very serious relationship and I don’t want to mess with that because it’s not my place. She knows how I feel.
Lisa- She was the potential hot roommate from a while ago. I haven’t heard from her in a while.
That’s the breakdown. I just wish that for one time, I could just meet a girl, we each like each others company, and we date, develop a friendship, the physical stuff takes care of itself and go from there.
But I can’t force it. I’ve actually started this process the past week or so. While I would try to talk to each of these women every few days, I’ve stopped communicating with pretty much all of them unless I see them around. I need to create distance.
The good and bad thing about me is that I don’t attract potential prospects for a one-night hookup. I’ve never met one girl in my life that was immediately attracted to me and wanted to fool around. I guess that I’m not attractive enough for that, but I also know that I’m not ugly.
The thing that gets me is that I see jerks that are ugly, mean and can’t hold a conversation pulling women.
I’m a good looking guy, well educated, funny, smart, and easy to get along with, so what’s the issue? I get along with pretty much everybody and am friendly.
That may be the problem, I’m too friendly. Furthermore, my cousin told me that I’m too passive when it comes to women. She tells me that women want a man who takes charge and is aggressive. I’m very laid back and let things just flow, which may be an issue.
I just don't feel the pressure to hook up most of the time. However, the urge does come about at times.
That’s all for me, its time for bed, but I have two questions for you to help me out with. You can leave your answers in the comments section or just tell me when you see me around.
1) How do I pick up/meet women at a bar/club? 2) What can I do to meet/have more success with women right now in general?
For now, here’s the Four Minutes song I mentioned earlier.
After attending my great-grandmother’s funeral this past weekend, it got me starting about how I want my own funeral to take place.
I know some of you are like, why think about that stuff. However, let’s stay honest here. We are all going to die. Some of us will die sooner then we want to, some will die later. I’m 27 right now and I’ve lived a good life. I’ve been given every opportunity to achieve everything that I can accomplish within my capabilities. Nothing has deterred me from having a good life.
If I die tomorrow, it would suck, but that’s life. I think that once I hit around 70, the party will be over for me, if you know what I mean.
Denial is a bitch when it comes to death, but acceptance is necessary.
This was the rundown of my great-grandmother’s funeral. On Friday afternoon/evening, there was the viewing and wake at her church. After the wake, we went to her house and had an excellent barbeque meal for the repass. On Saturday morning, we had the funeral at the church. After that, the entire family went to the cemetery for the burial. Finally, after that was done, we had an outstanding meal at a local middle school thrown by the church for another repass.
I’m going to detail the general background items before giving the rundown of the events.
Dead Body, Cremation or Other:Cremation is a serious consideration. Less stress, cheaper and I’m always about saving money. However, I think that I need to have my body out there for the people to see. I’m sure there are some alternatives like freezing or getting stuffed, but I don’t want to do that.
Casket:This is very important. I don’t want a cheesy one with a sports logo or something like that. I fear that the family will think that it would be cute for the casket to be the color of a sports ball because I love sports. Not true. I would be cool with something black, maybe a little gold thrown in there. This is still a work in progress. I would want the family to go cheap on this one also because it’s a casket, why spend a lot?
Wardrobe: Since I’ve decided to have a dead body, I have to wear something. Some people like to go with suits, dresses, certain colors like white for purity or even sports jerseys of their favorite team. I don’t want anything expensive, because what’s the point of that. I think that I would go with a nice polo shirt (color still undecided), khakis and white tube socks. No shoes. Why? Personal reasons and the principles of it all.
Location of Funeral: This is a tough one. I was born and raised in the NYC, so I have to represent for that. However, I went to college here in Nashville and live here now. Also, I lived in Atlanta for several years and a lot of my family is there. The deciding factor is that my main church is in Brooklyn, so I have to go with that. Advantage, NYC. If the church had a burial site, I would get buried there, but it doesn’t. However, all of this may be a mute point if I move somewhere else in the next few years and live there for a long time. However, New York is in the lead.
Now, lets get to the events.
Day One
Viewing/Wake: This happens at the same time. This can be at the church, because I want people to have room to just chill and hang out. I want it to be light. People can dress in business casual, jean shorts, tank tops, cut off t-shirts, sandals, I don’t care. I’m dead, but its not the worst thing in the world. There can be a short ceremony where people can say what they want about me, good or bad. I also want some solid rock music playing in the background. Songs from Zeppelin, Mars Volta, Yes, Minus the Bear, Maserati and other bands that I like. This shouldn’t last more than an hour or two.
Meal #1/Repass: So after the viewing/wake, the festivities can stay in the church and an awesome meal can be planned, preferably a southern food barbeque. I want grilled burgers, chips, chicken, some vegetables and fruits for the vegans in my family (I can think of two right now) and of course, pigs in the blanket. Can’t forget dessert as well. Another thing, OPEN BAR!!! Liquor must be involved in this. I know that I would enjoy having a rum and coke at some of my buddies’ funerals, so it will be at mine. Besides, since we’ve saved money on my wardrobe and casket, we can use that money on booze. If the church isn’t cool with liquor, then the meal can be somewhere else. I also want a TV there so people can watch the ballgame, whatever sport it may be. Live the dream!
Cemetery Visit: Well, at this stage, its time for your boy to go home to heaven or hell or wherever. I’m thinking heaven, but I have no control over that really. I just live a good and honest life and whatever goes down, I’m cool with it. Anyway back to the burial. Not really much to do here accept bury me and move on to the second Repass.
Meal #2/Repass: Everything else can be the same from the first meal the day before accept this one can have Chinese food or Italian food, choice of my brothers, sister, mother, future wife and kids. I’m leaning towards Chinese. Open Bar will still be in play and hopefully a sports game will be on. After that, people can go home and do what ever they want.
These are preliminary plans and there’s a lot more that has to be figured out. The main thing is that I need to develop a play list for the funeral and the wake. This will take some time. I’d love to hear your thoughts on my ideas and even throw some of yours in there. We can brainstorm. Until then, see you on the other side.
Here are three songs that will definitely make the play list. Televators by the Mars Volta, No Quarter by Led Zeppelin and Eulogy by Tool. And yes, for you Tool fans out there, I get the irony of playing Eulogy in my funeral. For non-fans, just listen to the song and you'll get it.
Yeah, I’ll cry at a wedding in a second. Just keeping it honest.
So, you know what this meant. I had to reflect on the closest I’ve ever considered getting married. The answer is never. I’ve just never met anyone that I would seriously get married to, accept possibly two women. The first one was Sarah, who I’ve documented in an earlier post here: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/she-just-wants-to-be-my-friend.html.
The second person is someone back home in New York named Brittany.
We met in church when I was nine and she was 13. I’ll never forget our first meetings. She was petite, had beautiful brown skin, dark hair, wore glasses and was the nicest person I ever met. She was a Girl Scout and I was a Cub Scout, so we crossed paths a lot. We became very close, like brother and sister.
Our parents had us very active in church, so when you spend a lot of time with someone who is cool, you just grow closer.
Like any friendship like that between a boy and girl, I didn’t have direct feelings of liking Brit until I got to about 13 years old. All of a sudden, Brit went from like an older sister to bookworm hot in no time. Then I started crushing on her hard. It was embarrassing. Every time I would speak to her, I would get all nervous and not be able to look at her. And I know that she knew that I liked her because girls can sense that stuff easily.
Brit was very nice about it and stayed my buddy through that weird phase and by the time I was 15 or 16, I was back to my normal self and we continued to get closer.
It was an interesting relationship because we used to always chat, hold hands, hug each other, stuff that would constitute dating, but we never dated.
I also became close to her mother, father and older brother to the point that I considered them part of my family as well to this day.
Her father was possibly the biggest positive male influence in my life when I was a teenager, her brother and I were very close and her mother was like a second mother to me. Even our mothers became best friends. It was a trip.
I have so many memories of my time with Brit. Going to church retreats, being ushers together, attending concerts and everything in between. We would talk for hours and not even notice how much time we were spending together.
The great thing about Brit then and now is that she challenged me. She has always made me think about my opinions because Brit is the first one to call me out on something I said. She’s just a strong Black woman who makes me a better person every time I speak with her or see her.
She also taught me how to be a good listener, have good eye contact with women and how to make the ladies laugh. Brit taught me the act of communication.
The reason I think that we never dated officially was that she was four years older than me. We were always in different phases of our lives. When she was entering high school, I was in junior high. When she went to college at Pittsburgh, I was just entering high school. Finally, when I left for college at Vanderbilt, she was back in the NYC. Our dating paths never crossed.
We’ve reconnected the past few months and that’s been a joy. She graduated from Columbia grad school and is in the social work industry helping out unfortunate people in Harlem back in New York. Brit is also writing again and I’m looking forward to reading her work.
She’s been a major influence in my life. Brit was one of the first people to encourage my interest in sports and make it a career. She would quietly listen to me talk endlessly about the ball game like it was the most important thing in the world. Her support was amazing and she always told me that I could do anything I wanted in my life.
Its crazy how the women that I’ve been attracted to over the years have resembled Brit. From her physical features to her personality, I like women who have Brit’s qualities. I even have a thing for women who are older than me and wear glasses. I wonder where I got that from?
So, you’re reading this and saying to yourself, hey dude, why don’t you just date Brit? Forget about Alicia, Amber, Joan and all of these other girls you write about and date your old buddy. Excellent question grasshopper, but its not that simple.
For one, we live in different cities. That’s a factor I guess. I will say this, if we lived in the same city, I think that we would date. We have too big of a bond to not at least give it a shot.
But there’s always that fear that if you start dating someone that you’re close friends with, then if the breakup happens, the friendship is ruined forever. This is a possibility to consider.
All of these issues are easily solvable however. We still communicate and have an unofficial marriage pact that has become popular. I think it’s if none of us is married in 10 years, we would give it a go.
For now, we’ll continue to talk to each other and live our lives. If there’s anything that I’ve learned from the past year about relationships is that they can’t be forced. If both of our paths cross in the future, then I’ll see what happens from there. Brit is dating and doing her thing and I am as well.
Well, guess who’s going to be in the NYC for Chanel’s wedding in August? Me. Furthermore, who am I going to meet up with when I get back to Brooklyn? Let’s just see what happens.
Until then, I’m going to live my life, keep it moving and let things come to me as they come. But if that special someone comes to me, she may have to compete with Brit because if I meet someone just as special as Brit to spend the rest of my life with, then I’m the luckiest guy in the world.
This was an interesting week for me because I spent the entire time away from Nashville and in Atlanta and South Carolina seeing the family. I will say that I’m looking forward to heading back to Nashville and getting back into my routine. However, it’s important to see your loved ones when you have a chance in the sports industry because once August comes around, I’ll be back on the grind, which I like.
I want to talk about funerals, but I have to hit on some other thoughts.
-I haven’t followed baseball as much as I usually do because I’ve been away from home dealing with family stuff, but I like the balance of things right now. I get tired of hearing about the Yankees and the Red Sox all the time. I like seeing the Rays, the White Sox, Angels, A’s, Phillies, Cubs, Brewers and Diamondbacks having solid seasons. Hopefully the sports networks will acknowledge this and cover these teams more.
I have a cousin who lives in Tampa and if the Rays make the playoffs, it’s on. War Rays!
-Euro 2008 has been an excellent tournament, but the quarterfinals had some interesting results. Germany took care of business against Portugal because Portugal forgot to play defense. I haven’t seen an elite team mark so bad defensively in my life in a major tournament. Also, why don’t you look around and fake another ankle injury Ronaldo, you Wanker. I actually missed the Turkey game, but I heard it was a classic. The Turks find another way to comeback and get a win. Russia made Holland look like amateurs. What is it about the Netherlands that they look like the best team in the world for two matches and then they play like ass in the next one. Holland has so much talent but they always underachieve. I will never trust them again in a major tournament.
I was so happy that Spain beat Italy today. I have no beef against the Italians, but the way that they played today was pathetic. It was so bad that I fell asleep during the game. That’s how uninspired I was watching the game. Italy has always been a boring squad to watch as a fan, but they win a lot of times obviously. However, if this tournament has taught us anything is that aggressive play is usually awarded. Italy just played passive and in the end, the aggressive and more deserving Spaniards won the game on penalties.
Good riddance to Greece, Italy and boring soccer in general.
-One show that I’ve gotten into this week is America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV. I just like seeing those crews dancing and showing off their skills. Mario Lopez is earning a paycheck, which is always good. A.C. Slater needs the work. BTW, Mario, how do you break up with Karina Smirnoff, she’s a winner. Also, how do you screw up that relationship with Ali Landry? Questions that I will never receive the answer to.
I’m going to place my funeral post separately. I leave you with some Mars Volta. Have a good week.
What’s going on everybody? I was just in South Carolina for the past few days attending my great-grandmother’s funeral. She died at 98 years old, lived a great life and the funeral was a great tribute to her. I’ll get into more thoughts about the funeral in my Sunday reflections for this week.
For now, I’ll discuss one positive aspect of attending the funeral, meeting up with some family members that I hadn’t gotten in touch with in years.
Since I moved out of the NYC in 1999, I haven’t been up there in a long time. I can only remember one or two occasions when I’ve been up there. The result of that is that I’ve lost touch with a lot of family members there like some uncles, aunts and my grandfather. However, everyone came down to Estill, S.C. for the funeral, so I got to see them, which was big since I haven’t seen some of them in nearly ten years.
And there were two cousins that I haven’t seen in even longer. One of them lives in Tampa and she was my road dog back in the day. I used to kick it with her all the time as a kid, but we lost touch. I was so happy to see her. The other one actually works in sports media, which is cool because I work in sports as well. He’s actually going to Wimbledon, lucky SOB.
I also got to hear so many stories about my family and learn more about everybody, including my parents.
The funeral also brought me to Estill, S.C., which is the epitome of a small southern town. People call cities like Macon, Ga. or Chattanooga, Tenn. small, but those are nothing compared to Estill. There are literally only about twenty stores in the entire city. It’s also a city that you can tell is struggling financially and has a high poverty level. I can understand why people want to move out of there, but I can comprehend why people would want to stay there too. It’s their home.
But that’s where my roots are so I have to respect it. I think it’s good for all of us to go back to where our families have started to gain prospective of the current life. The visit confirmed the unity that we share as a family.
I’ve been a hermit in relation to family relationships the past few years, but that needs to change because the older members of my family are going to pass away at some point and it will be up to me and the other kids in my generation to continue our strong family tradition.
I just need to attend more family reunions and keep great-grandma’s legacy moving.
I was seriously concerned for Kevin Garnett's life watching this after the Celtics clinched the title. I don't think he even remembers this moment. I thought he would pass out or have a seizure or something like that.
There is a saying in sports that you can’t fire the owner and you can’t fire the players. A certain baseball team in New York is showing this rule applies.
First was the embarrassing events that took place this week with my favorite baseball team, the New York Mets. Quick back story on the situation. The Mets fired their manager Willie Randolph after about a month of speculation about his job tenure. Managers get fired all of the time, no biggie there. I personally don’t think the terrible play was completely Willie’s fault, which I’ll get to later.
The problem was the way that the situation was handled. The Mets were about to head to California for a road trip and Randolph told Omar Minaya, his boss and general manager of the team, that he didn’t want to go on the trip if he was going to be fired. Randolph wanted to leave the job with dignity, if it was possible. According to speculations, Minaya told him that he wasn’t going to get fired and the team headed to California. Then after the Mets win three out of four games, things seem well. However, after the Mets won a game against Anaheim, Minaya fired Randolph and announced it on a press release at 3 a.m. in the morning.
What a joke. I see how the Mets were working, from a PR prospective. They wanted to sweep this firing under the rug so that no one would notice. That’s why they did it during a road series, to avoid the New York media. However, that move may have worked twenty years ago, but not now in our current digital age.
The problem with that organization is a lack of accountability. The Mets collapse towards the end of last season and their uninspired play to start this season comes down to everyone. Randolph deserved some blame but Minaya deserves blame for putting together an old, slow and injury prone team as well.
It seems like if you’re an old, Latin ballplayer, Minaya has you on speed dial. Enough with the old guys. I’ve always said that I would rather see my teams lose with young players than old players. Just ask the San Francisco Giants how having an old team has been the past few years.
The Mets have the budget and the resources to have a good player development organization, yet they seem to be stuck with old guys. Delgado, Castillo, Alou, Pedro Martinez, Fernando frickin Tatis. Really?
Let’s look at the top teams over the last few years and some teams that have emerged this season. All of them have embraced young players that have developed properly in their systems. Some teams like the Red Sox, Yankees, Angels and Cubs bring in some veterans but still have acknowledged that they need to mix in some young players to stay on top. Then you have teams like the Rays, Indians, A’s, Twins, Phillies, Marlins, Brewers and Diamondbacks who have overhauled their teams with young players and have bright futures. I don’t see that with the Mets. Minaya is a blame for this.
However, someone had to hire Minaya and this is where ownership comes into play.
They need to just overhaul everything and start over and only keep Reyes, Wright, Beltran and maybe Wagner even though he’s older.
It is what it is and resident Mets fan Jon Stewart summarized it best below.
Besides fawning over Anne Hathaway as a hot spy, I had no motivation to see the new movie, Get Smart. However, my opinion may have changed.
This was a funny moment recently from the Daily Show when Jon Stewart interviewd Michael Scott, aka Steve Carell. Watch out for the five-minute mark. Good stuff.
I finally had my lunch with Alicia today. It was good seeing her.
I’ve mentioned her in previous posts so I won’t go over everything again. Just read them.
I decide on a place to meet and I’m sitting outside in the hot weather trying not to sweat and look like a hot mess when she comes. I finally see Alicia and she looks beautiful, even better than she did in college. Actually, she’s always been beautiful with the cutest big brown eyes and smile. I’ve always been a fan of hers, if you know what I’m saying.
So, we hug and enter the place. I open the door for her and make sure that she sits down at the table first. Manners, fellas, manners.
Now, if you’ve read this blog, you know that my dating life isn’t the strongest, so I was actually nervous approaching this lunch. I then told Alicia that this lunch was on me to show her that I’m a baler and shot-caller, always a necessity.
We chat about what’s going on in our lives, actually I take that back. I ask Alicia questions about what’s going on in her life and just listen. One thing that I do know about dating and my interactions with women is that, and I know that it’s a stereotype, they tend to talk a lot. The funny thing is that I’m a big talker too and that’s hurt my dating in the past.
I told myself before we even met up that I would be quiet for most of the “date” and just listen to Alicia. One, I actually wanted to know what she’s been up to because she’s very interesting and two, I need to work on my listening skills and this is was great practice.
Alicia tells me about her jobs in teaching and how she’s recently become highly involved in the Presidential campaign of one of the candidates. Its either Obama or McCain, I can’t tell y’all. During all of this, I just continue to ask her questions and she’s happy to keep talking. She talks about living in Los Angeles and Atlanta, her teaching job and everything in between.
This made my job so much easier. Alicia would then ask me about what I was doing in my life and I told her about school, being an SID, sports and other things. However, I would only speak for about 10-20 seconds and bring it right back to Alicia.
The good thing about our lunch was the eye contact and body language. I kept looking right into her eyes whenever she was talking and made sure that I listened to every word that Alicia said so that I could respond accordingly. Have I mentioned how cute she is? I also made sure to not talk with my mouth full. Good things all around.
Everything is going well and we even talked about our families, since it was father’s day a few days ago. Alicia talked about her father being in Atlanta for the weekend and things like that. I even opened up about the strained relationship I have with my father and the complicated scenario that has developed. She even seemed sympathetic to all of it, but I told her and tell you that the Pourtouts/Greys work in a strange way. I never talk about my family life with outsiders accept the iconic and hero to the common man, Sean Sawyer.
Then the lunch got interesting. I started talking about how I’ve opened my life up more and stopped becoming a hermit. I mention how the Blog is a representation of this. Alicia mentioned that she reads the blog once in a while and asked me what was going on with Amber. I told her that nothing was there, we’re just friends and that I was single and just living life.
Things were going so well between us that I asked what her relationship status was. Alicia tells me that she’s officially seeing someone that she has been friends with for a long time.
I was disappointed, but not devastated. I don’t meet too many girls that I vibe with on a major level. Furthermore, Alicia knows me from the early days before I became the stud that I am today*.
I didn’t know Alicia’s dating status before we met up and even if she told me she was dating someone before we met, I would have still done the lunch. I really wanted to catch up with her in person. The key is that I came into this lunch with no expectations of anything. If I came into it with the belief that I would be meeting a future lady love of my life, I would have been sad.
However, as I’ve stated in my interactions with Amber and Joan, I don’t try to officially label things at this stage of my life.
So the bill comes and I want to make Alicia pay for her check because her meal cost more*. However, I pay for our lunches and I walk with Alicia to her car. She tells me I don’t have to walk her to her car, but I see all of the people in the movies do it, so why not me, right? We continue to talk and discuss future plans in our lives and things like that. The conversation throughout was outstanding.
Another thing I need to work on is the art of the couple walk. I was walking really fast and almost past her, however Alicia was doing this very, very slow trot so that we can talk more. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, I need your advice.
I finally walk her to her elevator she gives me another hug and tells me that it was great seeing me again. I tell her the same thing. Alicia then tells me that when I come back into Atlanta, I should give her a call so that we can get together again and alcohol should be involved. She was kidding about that last part, I think and I hope.
That my friends is how a lunch with an old friend can turn from a get together to a date to not a date to a friendly walk to a potential invitation for a pseudo date later on even though she says she has a boyfriend.
I think that covers it. It was awesome meeting up with Alicia again. However, I need to know what to make of the events today. Please leave your comments about this on the post. I want this one to start a good debate.
Several factors to consider. I live in Nashville and she lives in Atlanta. However, I’m in Atlanta often because the family lives here. I head back to the ‘Ville later this week, but will be back later in the summer.
I was watching some of the NBA Finals while doing this post, but when I saw that “Beyond the Pale” was on Comedy Central, the most awesome comedy special ever by Jim Gaffigan, it’s been on. Here’s a clip from the show, I seriously recommend this.
Some Sunday Reflections while watching the NBA Finals:
-The Euro 2008 Tournament has been excellent so far. I know that some of you may not be soccer fans, but you have to give this tournament a try. The play has been amazing, especially from the Dutch. Holland is looking scary good right now. Their dismantling of France was a thing of beauty. Spain got incredibly lucky yesterday in their game and I saw the best comeback of the year, maybe ever, when Turkey scored three second-half goals against the Czech Republic. You have to look up the highlights of that game. I picked Portugal to win the title, but I can see Spain, Holland or even Turkey pull it out.
-I’m now a golf fan. I usually don’t like watching golf on TV because I find it boring. Yet, I love soccer, strange. Anyway, I decided to give the U.S. Open a chance this weekend and I was riveted. I watched some of the action on Saturday and the last three pairings on Sunday. Amazing stuff. I was pulling for someone else to win besides Tiger Woods, but that man is a beast. I guess Tiger has had knee surgery and is still recovering, but he manned up and gutted out a tie. He did blow the lead, which isn’t good. I would watch someone like Rocco Mediate or Lee Westwood miss a putt on the 12 or 13th hole and say to myself that they lost the tournament. However, they kept their composure and were in it until the end. That putt that Tiger made on 18 to force the playoff, incredible. I was riveted by the drama. I’m mad that I can’t see the 18-hole playoff on Monday because I will be traveling to South Carolina, however, when the next major comes on TV, I will watch the final day. I can’t commit to watching all four days of coverage of a major and I definitely won’t watch all of the no-name tournaments, but this is a start. Also, wondering out loud, why does Phil Mickelson always finish either terrible for his standards in a major or be in contention to win. I’m not a golf expert, but it seems that he should be a better golfer then he is according to all of the experts that I hear. If someone can give me an explanation, I would appreciate it.
-Kennesaw, Ga. is the same as it ever was. I’ve spent the last few days in Kennesaw with the family and everything looks the same as when I was here a few months ago.
-I love watching the Baseball and Softball College World Series. I should have mentioned this a few weeks ago, but I love the College World Series. I always watched the baseball one, ever since I was a kid. It was the early to mid-1990’s when LSU used to win it almost every year. I always had a soft spot for Cal. State Fullerton and Long Beach State for some reason. I never liked Miami because they seemed cocky and didn’t like Stanford because of the uniforms. Yes, that’s a pathetic reason to not go for a team. I’ve grown up and now have evolved thoughts on the teams. I think UNC will win it all, but unfortunately as a Georgia Tech fan, watch out for Georgia.
Softball is a different deal for me because I didn’t grow up around it. I do respect it and would like to head to Oklahoma City to check it out one day. It looks like a good time and I have grown to like softball from CofC and Belmont now.
-People may think I have a beef with Kobe because I’ve never liked him, but it really isn’t personal. The thing about it is that in our society, especially in sports, we are always trying to compare someone to something. If you hear a song on the radio, people say that sounds like Zeppelin or the Stones. If you watch a TV show, people compare it to Cheers or M.A.S.H or Seinfeld or something. In sports, if there’s a good hockey player, he’s compared to Gretzky. If there’s a good baseball player, they get compared to Willie Mays. Finally, in basketball, if someone shows any skills, they always want to bring up Michael Jordan. I get so tired of the media and fans trying to compare every perimeter player to Jordan. We can go down the list from Harold Miner to Grant Hill to LeBron James to now Kobe Bryant of all the people that get compared to Jordan. Michael was the greatest player ever and they’re will never be another player like him. Just like they’re will never be another Kobe, Magic, Bird, Miner, Hill, LeBron and everything in between. I think I get tired of Kobe because gets stuffed down our throat. If the Lakers win this series, good for them. If the Celtics win, good for them as well. Just leave the comparisons alone, please.
-I’ve watched less and less sports channels and loving it. I made a decision a few weeks ago to not watch so many sports channels like ESPN and just watch the games. I get oversaturated with information and it makes the experience of watching a game less enjoyable. The over analysis of sports has gotten out of hand. I’ll elaborate on this more another time.
Hey y’all. I’ve been trying to write a post the past few days about the various topics of potential interests to each of you. I know that I owe you an article on race in music, the presidential election, another addition of does this offend me (trust me, when I get around to it, this one is going to be a good one) and other things. However, I’ve just struggled with my writings here in Georgia.
I’ve learned that I’m a product of consistency. I write every one of my posts from the same laptop in my bedroom with some music playing and facing a television. However in Atlanta, I’ve had to resort to using my mother’s computer away from the TV with music playing. It may not sound like much of a difference, but for a writer that can mean a lot.
I’ve also never stopped and started writing posts as much as I have these past two days. I wanted to write about a lot of stuff, but I would write a sentence or two and stop to start over again. If you’ve read my blog consistently, you know that it’s free-flowing. I type what I think and really only edit for some spelling and grammar errors. I don’t change the format, diction or anything else. It seems like I’m pressing to write the perfect post because more of you are reading this blog then ever.
I have an internal pressure to make sure that I write something that all of you would enjoy. However, I should take advice from Maynard of the band Tool. I heard him say in an interview that the band is selfish and does music for itself and not for the fans. However, through catering to its own needs, the band has created a unique sound and voice that crosses everything because of its honesty. So by being selfish, Tool is being accommodating to it fans, if that makes sense.
I’ve written before that this blog is really a self-evaluation that’s done publicly. Hopefully some of you can read something on here and take something away from it. However, since I’ve been getting responses from friends, family, fellow bloggers and even authors of books that I mention in posts, I feel the need to be perfect.
I think that this crosses over to many other aspects of our lives. We feel no pressure in our lives when we’re younger and just going about our business. However, when expectations are brought upon us from our job, family or live in general, we deviate from what got us to the positive point of our life.
I’ve run away from many things in my life to avoid the potential pressure that it would bring upon me. I was living in Atlanta a few years ago and struggling to find a good job and living with my family. I had dreams of going to law school, why I don’t know. I took the LSAT and applied to schools for two years and got accepted to none of them. However, in my third year of applying to schools, I finally got accepted to one law school in Colorado. I didn’t go.
I tell people and myself that I didn’t want to be a lawyer after all and didn’t want to waste my time and money. That’s actually 90% true. However, that other 10% was fear of failure.
I compare it to when you’re out in public and you see an attractive person. Many of us consider three options. The first choice is to not say anything to them for the fear of rejection. I’ve been there, that sucks. The second choice is to go up to that person and say, “Hi, my name is XXXX, what’s your name?” We don’t like to do that because if the person blows us off, it’s like they’re rejecting you, which is just as bad.
The third choice is to use a pick-up line to mask our true being. We say things like “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together,” because if we’re rejected, we can always fall back on the pick-up line being the reason for the loss.
The point of all this is that I’ve been trying to pick each of you up in my own way with these three techniques. I’ve gone days without saying anything on the blog, because if I don’t write anything, I can’t be critical of it and beat myself up about it later. I’ve tried the equivalent of pick-up lines with some of the posts; I’ll let you decide which ones those are.
However, the posts I’m most proud of are the ones which are honest and truthful. Those are the ones where I just say, “Hey, I’m Etienne Marcel, what’s your name?”
Someone mentioned to me recently that the blog makes me seem desperate, especially when I discuss my interactions with women. I was kinda offended by this and instead of getting mad at this person, I’ve thought about it. Am I desperate for attention? Am I desperate for a meaning relationship with a woman? Am I desperate for something else?
But after thinking about it, I was madder at the concept of seeming desperate then maybe actually being desperate.
I don’t feel desperate at all. I like my place in life right now. However, I write my posts from my heart and it’s truly how I feel at that time. I keep it honest with you and myself. If that makes me desperate, then so be it.
I’ll get out of this little writers block funk I’m in right now soon. Actually, it will be tomorrow when I have my Sunday Reflections. Until then, stay strong and enjoy some OneRepublic…
What’s up people! I just drove in to Atlanta from Nashville safely, always a good thing.
I’m here to see my family, the entire clan, which should be an interesting because that includes my mother, father and my “step-father.” I need to get all of them in a room together and see what happens. Actually, I want a happy trip, so I won’t do that.
On my way here though, I was radio surfing and came across an En Vogue song, “Hold On.” You remember that group don’t you? They were one of my favorite groups back in the day in the 1990’s. They were talented, great singers, beautiful and just a joy to watch. I remember their videos, which I’ll link to. I even remember when they had the episode arch on Roc, an underrated show.
I used to have debates with my friends back in elementary school of which one was the cutest. All four of them, Dawn, Cindy, Maxine and Terry got votes. Don’t get me wrong, all for of them were bad and I wouldn’t kick any of them out, if you know what I’m saying. Personally, I liked Dawn the most. She’s the second one from the left in the picture above. She seemed like a rocker chick, sang lead most of the time and had some major attitude, which is a turn-on.
Terry was the second favorite one and one of the most underrated cuties in music ever. She’s the one on the far right. Terry was also my brother’s favorite, so that’s a good thing. I think for just pure looks, Terry was the top one, but she was too quiet for me.
Maxine was the most popular among my guys because she was, let’s keep it clean out there, curvy. Maxine is the third one from the left. She definitely could get it, but she was number three for me.
Cindy gets a bum rap because she was usually last, but if you saw her in the street or in a store, you would be down with her too. She’s the first one on the left in the pic. I think the fact that she was tall was a deterrent for some, but I didn’t mind.
I wish they had a bigger career and more people knew about them. When you have four women who can sing together, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
Now, I wasn’t around in the 1960’s and 1970’s, so I don’t have a complete view of female singing groups. And there have been some decent ones over time like SWV and Destiny’s Child, but none of them could touch En Vogue at its peak.
Their songs were great. “Hold On” is a classic and one of my favorites, “Lies,” “You Don’t Have to Worry.” I seriously recommend getting their first album, Born to Sing.
However, two of three favorite songs from the group are on Funky Divas. “Free Your Mind,” had a hard rock feel to it and I was feeling that big-time. And Dawn looked sick in that video.
My favorite En Vogue moment has to be when I saw the premiere of their video for “Something He Can Feel.” If I remember correctly, the video premiered after an episode of Roc. It was 1992 and I was 11 at the time. That video came on and I think your boy entered puberty at that moment. I was definitely feeling something while watching the video. I watched it and was just speechless. That was the first time that I acknowledged that women were awesome and I need to get a girlfriend ASAP. It’s a great song, but the visual my friends, oh the visual. The song was on heavy rotation on MTV and BET at the time and I was a happy, happy, young boy.
Thanks for reading my trek into the past. Here’s the video that turned your boy into a man and “Free Your Mind.”
I made this list with a friend of mine and thought that y'all would like to view it too.
My top five best/favorite books that I've read (in no particular order):
1) Hammer of the Gods by Stephen Davis: It's a biography on Led Zeppelin and I think it’s the best music biography ever written. Davis goes into each member’s background, gives you a rundown of each guys demons and how they survived as long as they did. Even if you're not a fan of the band, it’s a look at the highs and lows of being a famous musician.
2) Moneyball: My favorite sports book ever. The great part of the book is that its' not just for sports fans. The author goes into the whole history of statistical analysis of baseball that even a mathematics major could appreciate. Also, to get the inside information of how a general manager works has inspired me to become a sports executive.
3) To Be The Man: The autobiography of the best wrestler ever, Ric Flair. If you know who Ric Flair is, you would be the most awesome girl ever. In case you don't know, he's a professional wrestler who has fought for more than 30 years. He's considered by many, including myself, the greatest of all time. His candid and honest portrayal of his life was amazing to me. He speaks of his vices openly and has incredible prospective of his triumphs. I read it at least once a year.
4) Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King: The first and only book that I've ever read by Stephen King, which is surprising because I've seen so many of the movies based on the books. I even remember when I purchased this book. It was at our school book fair in eighth grade and the cover had a green dragon on it and I thought the cover was cool. I'm usually not a fan of books about castles and wizards and spells, hence my ignorance on the whole Harry Potter series, but this book was very intriguing to me. I just loved the storyline and the deception of one brother of another. King does a good job of describing the elements of the story for someone with a limited imagination for that type of stuff like I have.
5) Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich: Such a tough choice for this final book. I read this in Sociology class at Vandy and it gave me such a prospective of how the poor people live in our country. Its not in my top five favorite books, but its one of the best books I've ever read under the definitions of the list
Honorable mentions:
-Raisin in the Sun by Hansberry: Second best play that I've ever read and has become a necessity for all black people to read. It’s become the Hamlet of the black community. But the themes and messages of the play are universal. It is also very relevant today.
-The Merchant of Venice: The best play that I've ever read. It was the first Shakespeare work that I read back in fifth grade. We even did a production of it and I played Shylock, so I'm sentimental about this work. The themes of the work are relevant and the wordplay of Shakespeare is legendary and this work shows it.
-A Time to Kill by John Grisham: I remember picking this book up back in seventh grade because it had a cool blue cover. As you can tell by my King book, cool colors equal potential. This book dealt with revenge, racism, family relationships, sex and many other issues all within a legal setting which brought a lot of other elements to the situation. It actually peaked my interest in a legal career for a while.
-Black Boy by Richard Wright: A well-written book about growing up as a young black man in a segregated society.
-All The Kings Men by Robert Penn Warren: I had to get a Commodore on the list.
-Any Rachel Ray book: My favorite cooking show on the Food Network is 30 Minute Meals and her books are solid as well.
-The Miracle of St. Anthony: This is a book about the legendary high school basketball program, St. Anthony's, in Jersey City, N.J. It’s a profile about how Bob Hurley took a run down program in one of the worst areas in the Northeast and gave them discipline on and off the court. Incredible book.
-Foley is Good or Have a Nice Day: Another book about a professional wrestler, this one about Mick Foley. Same attributes as the Ric Flair book.
-The Bad Guys Won! by Jeff Pearlman: A book detailing the New York Mets of the early 1980's and their ultimate triumph winning the World Series in 1986. It also documents the downfall of the team from injuries, drugs, women and other things. I like the honest nature of the author to not just praise the play on the field but to show the exploits of their vices in a true light.
-Confessions of a Video Vixen by Karrine Stephans and The Dirt, the autobiography of Motley Crue: I put these two books together because they may not be the most scholastic choices but they were truly entertaining with the name dropping and the mayhem they experienced.
That’s the list; I would to love to get your list as well.
I was watching Family Guy, but here's some Metallica. It's Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
-I woke up today at 10 am to do some laundry and to catch some of the French Open final between Federer and Nadal. Well, turned on the TV and I literally catch championship point for Nadal. Federer hits a shot wide and the match is over. Nadal just dominated Federer in straight sets, 6-1, 6-3, and 6-0. Sick. I expected to at least catch the final three sets, but Rafa dominated for his fourth consecutive French to match Borg. Now, I’m not the biggest tennis fan out there, but I can appreciate skill and Rafa is a freak on clay. And Borg even said afterwards that he thinks Nadal is going to win Wimbledon in a few weeks. I can’t argue against that after the way he played today.
-Enjoyed all of the college baseball that took place this weekend. I love the super regionals and the World Series even more. I like it when there’s a balance between west coast, Midwest and southeast teams. So far, it’s leaning towards the southeast with the ACC representing strong. But, FSU, Miami and UNC have been the best teams all year, so that’s not shocking. I’ve always secretly been a fan of Fullerton for some reason, so to see them lose to Stanford was a bummer. Rice did its thing and frickin Georgia is going to Omaha. Not a fan of the Bulldogs because they beat Georgia Tech every year. I’d like to see LSU come through against Irvine, if for anything for good karma after that BS hidden ball trick yesterday.
-Looking forward to heading to Atlanta in a few days to see the family. It’s nice to catch up with them.
-Had a good conversation with Daniel at the Beaman today, just discussing life. We talked about relationships with women and family things. It’s always good to have people in your life that you can talk with about things. I’m fortunate to have that in my life now.
-Watched the NBA Finals tonight and it was good. Leon Powe, that was tremendous. I’m going to look up the profile they did of him at halftime and post it on this blog. It needs to be seen by everybody. People talk about all of the negatives when it comes to professional athletes, but there are some good people out there. Watching Powe’s story was amazing and dare I say inspirational. And the fact that he had a career night made it even better. Good job Leon.
-I had my cheat day today and I feel like crap. All week I’ve been eating right, drinking plenty of water and working my butt off in the gym for six straight days. I felt great about it and my body felt so clean and pure. However, I gave myself the day off and decided to lax my diet for one day, aka a cheat day. I had mashed potatoes with butter and salt, baked cookies and chips. Good times, not so much. Its midnight now and I have an upset stomach. Point being, be careful with your cheat days. I’m looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow and getting back to work.
-I think that lesson applies to life as well. If you lead a clean life, continue to do it. Don’t have a “cheat day” moment and ruin it all. Don’t have that drink. Don’t take that drug. Don’t do that crime. Don’t have sex with that person, especially dirty girls. Please, please watch out for those dirty girls. Many of us lead good lives but we sometimes reach that moment of truth where we can continue to be good or cheat. However, the biggest person you’re cheating is that you end up cheating yourself in the end.
-If you need any more advice, I’m available for a monetary fee.
-I didn’t watch the UFC pay-per-view this weekend because it honestly didn’t inspire me. I guess its good Alves won, even though he needs to stay away from the buffet and make his weight before he gets another big fight. I heard Matt Hughes looked average, but that’s been the case for the past year. I respect Hughes, but I’m not his biggest fan.
-Finally saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall and was disappointed. It had one or two laugh moments, but it just felt flat to me. I love the movie series from the producers and writers of FSM, but this one was just a whiff for me. And my top-five girl Mila was in it. She did look hot, but that only goes so far in a movie.
Post to look forward to this upcoming week: -Is this Supposed to Offend Me, Part 3 -Brothers don’t like rock music, really? -Obama vs. McCain, broken down ‘Pancakes’ style -Analysis of the NBA Finals so far -Probably something about a girl, hopefully not -etc.
Have a good week, peeps.
I leave you with Fade to Black, maybe my favorite Metallica song ever. This song will make the wedding music rotation when I get married and will be played at my funeral. No lie.
