Sunday Reflections (Sunday Reflections Version)

Ok, final reflection for this Sunday night.

I had a good conversation with Rob, a good buddy of mine yesterday. He’s been out of town the past few months training and was back in Nashville. We were just talking about life and staying focused.

Of course the conversation turned to women, like it always does and both of us stated that we were not going to focus on women because we have major priorities coming up in our lives. He has his athletics and I have school and work.

I really want to dominate this year at Belmont and in the Nashville sports community. This will be my final year of school and I graduate in May. Until then, I want to continue making major inroads with all of the sports teams and organizations here, as well as continue to do a great job at Belmont. I really owe it to the athletic department, my co-workers, the coaches, student-athletes and myself to give a maximum effort.

I’ve lost focus on this, but it’s coming back.

It’s a trip because when I mentioned Tuesday before last that I wanted to talk about something personal: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-stray-cat.html. Of course it was about a girl, which is unfortunately typical at times for those of you who read this blog consistently.

It’s really bad, especially since she’s dating someone else and I really shouldn’t even be concerned about her in the least. She definitely isn’t concerned about me in a special romantic way. Anyway, I thought that she was mad at me and that we had a falling out.

Funny thing happened thought after that. I talked to a female friend named Watson and we discussed my situation with this girl from the very beginning and all of our interactions to get an objective opinion. After talking with Watson, I decided that I couldn’t let my emotions get entangled in someone that wasn’t available to me and would never date me.

Don’t get it twisted; I know that I’m a good guy who has many qualities. She’s a great girl too also. She just doesn’t like me in that way, which is fine. She obviously has an interest in another guy, is happy in that situation which makes me happy for her.

I was doing so good to not get emotionally attached to this girl, but it happened, I’m human. However, after our interaction that night and speaking with Watson, I was over it.

So I saw my lady friend earlier this week and we talked and interacted like we normally would. Much ado about nothing I guess on my end, but it was a good release for me. We’re cool now.

You can’t force something that isn’t there and I was talking myself into forcing myself into her life, if that makes sense. She doesn’t want me in her life in that way, but she has helped me on many levels.

I’ve actually improved my interaction with and learned more about women through speaking with her. She’s taught me how to become a better listener. She’s improved my eye contact because she has beautiful eyes to look at. She’s taught me to not just place women in structured categories because she crosses over many of them. She’s taught me that there are actually women out there who like sports the same way that I do and would potentially stay up and watch WAC football, mixed martial arts or West Coast Conference basketball with me. She restored my faith in the Midwest, even thought the baseball team she likes I can do without (just kidding if she reads this). She’s even taught me that curse words from a cute girl can actually be awesome.

Overall, she has shown me that there is a woman out there for me who will actually like me for me. I’ve been completely honest with her and acted like myself, no bullshit. The curse was for her. I could have never said that in my entire life until now.

Usually with women, I’m putting on a front and trying to act different. I can honestly tell you that I haven’t tried any lines with her or acted weird. I’ve been completely myself with her and its been great. This blog wouldn’t be as honest as it is and I wouldn’t have been able to deal with my true feelings of life if it wasn’t for her.

There’s a woman out there for me, it just isn’t her. I just have to continue to live my life and hopefully that special someone will emerge.

Speaking with Rob has brought these emotions full circle and I’m ready to emerge a better man.

This week, I’ll have posts on the following topics and others:

-Why if marriage is like this, why the hell get married? Here’s the article/story I’ll base my post on for a preview: http://deadspin.com/5025638/your-nfl-season-brownie-point-calculator

-Updated top-five women (I promise)

-Favorite Family Guy moments (I also promise this one)

-MMA Review on Friday

For now, here’s a cover of No Quarter by Tool that I was listening to while making this post. I also had some Massive Attack playing. Its always mellow music on Sunday nights for my Reflections. Have a good week!

My Funeral

After attending my great-grandmother’s funeral this past weekend, it got me starting about how I want my own funeral to take place.

I know some of you are like, why think about that stuff. However, let’s stay honest here. We are all going to die. Some of us will die sooner then we want to, some will die later. I’m 27 right now and I’ve lived a good life. I’ve been given every opportunity to achieve everything that I can accomplish within my capabilities. Nothing has deterred me from having a good life.

If I die tomorrow, it would suck, but that’s life. I think that once I hit around 70, the party will be over for me, if you know what I mean.

Denial is a bitch when it comes to death, but acceptance is necessary.

This was the rundown of my great-grandmother’s funeral. On Friday afternoon/evening, there was the viewing and wake at her church. After the wake, we went to her house and had an excellent barbeque meal for the repass. On Saturday morning, we had the funeral at the church. After that, the entire family went to the cemetery for the burial. Finally, after that was done, we had an outstanding meal at a local middle school thrown by the church for another repass.

I’m going to detail the general background items before giving the rundown of the events.

Dead Body, Cremation or Other: Cremation is a serious consideration. Less stress, cheaper and I’m always about saving money. However, I think that I need to have my body out there for the people to see. I’m sure there are some alternatives like freezing or getting stuffed, but I don’t want to do that.

Casket: This is very important. I don’t want a cheesy one with a sports logo or something like that. I fear that the family will think that it would be cute for the casket to be the color of a sports ball because I love sports. Not true. I would be cool with something black, maybe a little gold thrown in there. This is still a work in progress. I would want the family to go cheap on this one also because it’s a casket, why spend a lot?

Wardrobe: Since I’ve decided to have a dead body, I have to wear something. Some people like to go with suits, dresses, certain colors like white for purity or even sports jerseys of their favorite team. I don’t want anything expensive, because what’s the point of that. I think that I would go with a nice polo shirt (color still undecided), khakis and white tube socks. No shoes. Why? Personal reasons and the principles of it all.

Location of Funeral: This is a tough one. I was born and raised in the NYC, so I have to represent for that. However, I went to college here in Nashville and live here now. Also, I lived in Atlanta for several years and a lot of my family is there. The deciding factor is that my main church is in Brooklyn, so I have to go with that. Advantage, NYC. If the church had a burial site, I would get buried there, but it doesn’t. However, all of this may be a mute point if I move somewhere else in the next few years and live there for a long time. However, New York is in the lead.

Now, lets get to the events.

Day One

Viewing/Wake: This happens at the same time. This can be at the church, because I want people to have room to just chill and hang out. I want it to be light. People can dress in business casual, jean shorts, tank tops, cut off t-shirts, sandals, I don’t care. I’m dead, but its not the worst thing in the world. There can be a short ceremony where people can say what they want about me, good or bad. I also want some solid rock music playing in the background. Songs from Zeppelin, Mars Volta, Yes, Minus the Bear, Maserati and other bands that I like. This shouldn’t last more than an hour or two.

Meal #1/Repass: So after the viewing/wake, the festivities can stay in the church and an awesome meal can be planned, preferably a southern food barbeque. I want grilled burgers, chips, chicken, some vegetables and fruits for the vegans in my family (I can think of two right now) and of course, pigs in the blanket. Can’t forget dessert as well. Another thing, OPEN BAR!!! Liquor must be involved in this. I know that I would enjoy having a rum and coke at some of my buddies’ funerals, so it will be at mine. Besides, since we’ve saved money on my wardrobe and casket, we can use that money on booze. If the church isn’t cool with liquor, then the meal can be somewhere else. I also want a TV there so people can watch the ballgame, whatever sport it may be. Live the dream!

Day Two

Funeral: Here’s the main event. First, I can’t stop people from doing it, but I want no one to wear black. As my cousin Brandon said at the funeral I was just at, that’s too cliché. I would be totally cool with people showing up in the same clothes they came in for the wake. It not a serious deal. The service will be short, probably around an hour or two, tops. I also want a lot of energy at the funeral. The great part about great-grandma’s funeral was that people were singing and clapping, it was like a normal church service. The band was playing and people were feeling the grove. I want the same from my funeral. Once again, its not the worst thing in the world. The eulogy can be given by a close family member, whoever feels up for it. I would tell them to keep it honest and real. I wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t a jackass either. Somewhere in between will be fine.

Cemetery Visit: Well, at this stage, its time for your boy to go home to heaven or hell or wherever. I’m thinking heaven, but I have no control over that really. I just live a good and honest life and whatever goes down, I’m cool with it. Anyway back to the burial. Not really much to do here accept bury me and move on to the second Repass.

Meal #2/Repass: Everything else can be the same from the first meal the day before accept this one can have Chinese food or Italian food, choice of my brothers, sister, mother, future wife and kids. I’m leaning towards Chinese. Open Bar will still be in play and hopefully a sports game will be on. After that, people can go home and do what ever they want.

These are preliminary plans and there’s a lot more that has to be figured out. The main thing is that I need to develop a play list for the funeral and the wake. This will take some time. I’d love to hear your thoughts on my ideas and even throw some of yours in there. We can brainstorm. Until then, see you on the other side.

Here are three songs that will definitely make the play list. Televators by the Mars Volta, No Quarter by Led Zeppelin and Eulogy by Tool. And yes, for you Tool fans out there, I get the irony of playing Eulogy in my funeral. For non-fans, just listen to the song and you'll get it.