Monday, July 21, 2008

If marriage is like this, why get married? (Football edition)


I came across this article a few days ago and I’ve wanted to address the topic before and this is a good opportunity to.

The article was on Deadspin, which should tell you immediately that it shouldn’t be taken seriously. I recommend taking a look at it before you read my thoughts on it. Here’s a link: http://deadspin.com/5025638/your-nfl-season-brownie-point-calculator

OK, hopefully by now you’ve at least skimmed it. The basics are that this guy feels compelled to make a list of items that he can do for his wife to watch football games in the fall.

I’m going to list each of the items that can be done for the wife and give my thoughts.

First, I have several things to say. I’m single and never had a serious girlfriend. I’ve also don’t have any children. My opinions may be limited to this scope, but it’s the prospective that I have.

Second, in general, if your wife is giving you crap for watching a football game, seriously reevaluate that situation. If you can’t take a few hours to watch your favorite team play a ball game without getting crap from your significant other, that’s a shame on you moment.

OK, here are the tasks:

1) Stealing Gossip Magazines from the gym or doctor’s office: This wouldn’t be an issue because I read that stuff all the time. Yeah, make fun of me for caring about stuff going on in the Hills or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It’s a guilty pleasure. I’ll still read Sports Illustrated but throw in a People magazine in there as well. No problems here.

In relation to this, get your girlfriend stuff she likes once in a while. While you’re picking up that case of beer or getting those nachos, get some stuff she needs, even the unfun female hygene items, if you know what I’m saying. Don’t be selfish.

2) Take the kids out for a full morning/afternoon by yourself: First, IT’S YOUR FRICKIN KID! For someone who grew up with a single mother, it’s a shame that spending time with your kid can get you brownie points.

Kids are a pain in the ass at time, I know, but its your family. I personally enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews, taking them to games, going shopping, stuff like that. I like shopping at A&F or Claires with my niece. Don’t hate.

BTW, a good way to pick up women is to have a little kid with you. They’re better than dogs! If you don’t have a wedding ring on, most women will know that you’re not married. Even if they think its your kid, most women are fine with dating a single parent so that shouldn’t scare them off. If you interact with the kid well, it shows your nurturing side, but it has to be natural because women can see through an act.

3) Doing some random chore without her having to ask: Clean up after yourself, wow that sounds like such a challenge!

4) Watching her favorite tv show/movie with her: Ladies, here’s something you may or may not know. That TV show/movie that your significant other complains about not liking, he may actually like it! Don’t let him fool you into thinking that he completely despises watching Project Runway or Grey’s Anatomy or America’s Next Top Model or whatever female-driven show is out there.

I can watch any show or movie, find the hot chick in it and be content. Most guys can do the same.

Anyway, spend time with your lady. As cool as it is to stay up till 1 AM playing video games or watching my soap operas and court room shows, any girl that wants to watch anything with me is fine in my book, whatever it is. Besides, she’s probably put up with watching Sportscenter and stuff she’s not interested in. Balance.

5) Doing Taxes: Do them together, you have to check your money. DTA, kids. Don’t trust anyone, wife, girlfriend, baby mama, none of them.

6) Planning some sort of special dinner, birthday party or brunch: If it involves food, I’m down with planning it. This shouldn’t be a problem at all.

7) Conceiving and completing some sort of godforsaken house project: I have many skills but housework isn’t one of them. If you want me to build you a deck or make a counter, that’s not going to happen.

However, I know my limits. As I learned from my sister-in-law Angie, never, ever make a promise to a woman that you can’t keep. If you say that you’re going to mow the lawn in the morning, make sure that you do it. It makes life easier.

So if the wife wants me to do something I’m not good at, I’ll just tell her. She married me, she knows what’s up.

8) Fixing something without having to call a service to do it: Read above.

9) Going out on couple dates where wives are best friends but the husbands have little or nothing in common: First, every guy has something in common with another guy. It can be sports, movies, tv shows, music, something.

I don’t think that spending time with others should be a way to get in with your wife. Just tell the wife that you don’t like doing couple dates and work on a compromise.

10) Not being a golfer. I’ve never played golf, so I’m not the best reference for this one.

It’s cool if you want to hit some balls once in a while, but my goodness, if you spend every waking moment trying to play golf instead of being with your wife, once again, reevaluate your situation.

It goes both ways, if you don’t abuse playing golf all the time and just want play a few holes once in a while, go ahead and do it. She has to be understanding of your hobbies. Balance.

11) Finishing all of the Sun Chips: This considered something that will get you less time watching football.

If you’re sharing some food with your wife, don’t take all of it. Even better, you can get some food for her and some for you. I like to eat and hopefully your wife does too. Nothing annoys me more than some girl that acts like she doesn’t want to eat. Have that burger when we’re on a date!

Those were the ones mentioned in the article, but let me finish with some final thoughts.

First, get frickin TIVO!

Second, a lot of these potential problems can be solved with two things.

1) Communicate with your girlfriend/future wife about some of this stuff before you get married and have kids. I’m going to work in sports for the rest of my life. It’s a grueling profession that takes your time and you make minimal to no money. It sucks for relationships, but all of my future girlfriends and maybe wife will know of this stuff at the beginning. I’ll lay it out for her so she’ll know what’s up.

I also like sports in my spare time. So, if I’m watching some crappy WAC football, she’ll know that its just part of my personality. Besides, I’ll TIVO the game, wait till she goes to sleep and watch the game alone, without commercials later.

2) Compromise. Sports are fun, but they shouldn’t be the most important thing in your life if you decide to get married and have kids. Please don’t let a most likely crappy football game weaken your bond with your family. Just catch the highlights on the NFL Network or ESPN.

Also, incorporate your wife/girlfriend into your sports. Don’t treat it like it’s a separatist event. I love explaining to women the rules of any game that I’m watching with her. Teach her some stuff and she may like the sports and become a fan. Then, you can watch the game with her, hence you get your sports fix and you spend time with her. Perfect.

However, if you’re hell bent on watching every single game with your buddies, then don’t get married or have kids.

I may never get married or have kids because of my sports career. It will be lonely, but I know that this is the life that I’ve potentially chosen and I’ve accepted it.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Here’s some clips from the Office, that’s what she said!



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