Sunday Reflections

Its time for those Reflections…

First, to appease some of you like the People’s Champion who don’t play my music videos on my posts because its at the end, here’s the video now.

I was bumping some excellent progressive rock from Yes, Pink Floyd and Genesis this weekend. I wonder which one is better? I smell a potential post…

Here’s Home by the Sea (parts 1 and 2) to play while you read my Reflections below:



-So Vanderbilt lost its first football game of the season on Saturday at Mississippi State right after I wrote last week about how they have changed my prospective as a sports fan: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/10/am-i-still-sports-fan.html

Now, I don’t believe in jinxes because I believe in the Jesus and that’s good enough for me, but I’ve been very, very hesitant to elevate the team beyond what they are. They are a good team…not very good or great, they’re good. They are 5-1 overall and 3-1 in the SEC which is nice. The team heads to Georgia next week and they should lose that game. That’s being honest. I look to the next game and that’s it so don’t expect me to talk about Duke, Wake Forest, Florida or Tennessee because those games are later.

However, don’t let this seem like I’m unhappy with the team. I’m very happy with the team because as I stated in that piece last week, I lived through two two-win seasons. This is like heaven to me.

-BTW, props to Georgia Tech for being 5-1 this season. I still represent for the Yellow Jackets who travel to Clemson this upcoming weekend. Maybe they can ring the final death knell of Tommy Bowden at Clemson. He has to be released after this season, right?

-I’m glad some of you enjoyed my new format for my NFL Review. Its easier to write and I’m sure more easy for you to read and comprehend. Look for it to stay for a while.

-My Beaman is finally reopening tomorrow! I’ve been doing some workouts while my workout facility has been closed because of the Presidential Debate but its not the same. Now everything will be there for me to take care of business. I guess this is a good transition to an update on “Workout Girl”



You know when you see that picture, it can’t be a good thing. Actually, it isn’t all bad. I’ll explain.

It all started on Friday night when I was attending a women’s soccer match and I realized that I hadn’t heard from Amber in a while. Darn, I have to introduce her to some of you unfamiliar with her. Read these three posts and you’ll be caught up: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/09/general-thoughts-on-thursday-night.html and http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/06/update-on-workout-girl-if-you-see-this.html and http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-what-i-get-for-trying-to.html

Yeah, she’s been mentioned one or twice. So I sent her a text and left a message on her voicemail to check on my friend. Turns out she hurt a body part really bad and had to get treatment. She’s fine but I felt so bad for her. I joked that I would make her soup and bring it to her to make her feel better. She just responded that her and her roommate were cooking dinner. I was cool with that.

While attending the game, I ran into Basher, Daniel and their lady friend Kristin. We were talking and Daniel mentioned if I’d spoken to Amber. I said that I did and Kristin asked who Amber was. I gave her the whole run down and told her about my interaction with Amber earlier. Kristin thought that it was so sweet how I think of Amber because it can come off lame in the “I do think about her and want to spend more time with her” way.

Kristin thought that it would be sweet for me to offer to do something for Amber even thought I did already earlier that evening.

However, I kept telling her that Amber has a boyfriend back in her hometown and I was not trying to date her at all. I was trying to be a friend and not overstep the boundaries that we’ve established.

So all Friday night, I couldn’t stop thinking about Amber because I kept talking about her to Kristin. I was even lying in bed thinking about her, something I never do with a girl.

Anyway, Saturday comes along and I’m cooking a big meal, cooking all of my meats for the week so that it doesn’t spoil and I had some extra vegetables, chicken and fruit. I decided to make some for Amber and text her that I had some food for her. I even baked cookies! She text me back, told me that was sweet of me to do, but she was working all night and couldn’t see me.

So today, Sunday, after I finished working my soccer match, I text her again to just ask how she’s been doing and I haven’t heard back from her, which I need to repeat is fine with me. Remember, I’m in “tap out” mode from pursuing women seriously right now so I’m not trying to date Amber. She knows this, I think.

I’ve told her numerous times that I respect her and is it hard, sure. I like her and I’m happy everytime I’m around her in a way not like many other women that I’ve met but she’s not available so I don’t dwell on it and her friendship is more important than me trying to date her, if that makes sense.

I’m just wondering aloud or in typing if I came off as pushy or insincere or trying to push up on her with my actions and words the last two days. It wasn’t meant to come out that way but actions are stronger than words.

What do you think? I would love to know your thoughts.

-The beard is working well and I like having it. It gives me a sense of maturity that I enjoy. Plus, it makes me look serious and if I don’t keep it trim, it can make me look crazy, looking forward to that.

-Saw the new version of Knight Rider on NBC and must say that it wasn’t awful. The women on the show are amazing and KIT is the truth as usual. Other than that, its touch and go.

-I’ve started increasing my video game rotation lately and its been a mixed bag. I have been playing NCAA Football everyday for the past few weeks but needed a change. I played some NCAA Baseball which was fun and will get into that some more. I had a good ATV racing game but can’t find it, which is a bummer.

-That’s all for Reflections today.

I was looking at an old post about Amber from June and I linked to some Genesis in that post as well. That’s crazy and wasn’t done intentionally.

Meeting Maria and Reflecting on My Final Round at Belmont

Before I get to my post about NBA players going to Europe, I’ve had an interesting night.

First, I had my first class of the semester. It was good to see many of my friends in one location for the first time along with one or two new faces. I’m looking forward to the class for the rest of the semester, even though if it pans out like I think it will, its going to be a lot of work. But all of us in the class are in graduate school to better ourselves and for that to happen, we have to work hard. Bring on the work!

I was about to head home, but ran into my friend Robert and we chatted for about an hour near the soccer field. It was a good conversation where each of us was reflecting on our time at school and looking forward to the upcoming year. It’s each of our last year here at Belmont and talking to him made me realize that I will probably be in a different place in May. If I stay in Nashville, I would like to stay where I’m living and be near Belmont, but it ain’t the same as an alum. I experience this everytime I’m at Vandy now.

So after speaking with Robert, I proceeded to head past Beaman and come across Daniel and Angie and speak with them some. I was about to leave when a really cute girl asked Angie a question about her student ID card. I was talking to Daniel about getting home to watch The Simpsons. She walked off and I happened to follow her because we were heading the same direction. She looked back and saw me and thought it was funny that I was rushing home to see that show.

I’ve honestly haven’t been looking to date any girls recently and haven’t even asked one out in a long, long time. I’ve been focused on work and just living a chill life. However, if a girl like this one wants to chat, I’m going to respond.

I joked with her about my entire syndication TV viewing rotation including the Simpsons, Family Guy, Scrubs, Seinfeld, etc. She mentioned how much she likes those shows as well. I even mentioned King of Queens, which she likes because she resembles one of the actresses.

I held off on telling her about coming home to watch General Hospital also. I’ll have to ease her into that one.

I found out her name, Maria (not her real name, but you know the drill by now) and we walked to her home, continuing to talk. I learned about her, she’s a transfer student and this is her first year at Belmont. She's an artist who specializes in drawing. I originally thought that I was going to just talk with her for a few minutes and then go home, but we vibed immediately.

She’s a talker and very outgoing, which was a good thing because I was just content to listen to her. We talked about everything, music, tv, sports, movies, etc. I’m usually the one that initiates conversations, but Maria just kept going and going, which was a good thing. She talked about her dancing background, things like that. She even found my job as an SID interesting and sorta comprehended what I did. We talked about financial aid and our process of getting that done. Needless to say, the conversation hit many subjects.

She’s also a legit sports fan and likes sports such as soccer, volleyball and baseball. I know that she’s going to come out to some Belmont games which is good for her.

BTW, it was humid as heck outside and I was sweating, but if you think I was going to pass an opportunity to speak to her, you don’t even know.

It was funny because the first part of the interaction, I was thinking, this girl is way too hot for me. That was my honest thought.

She has dark, curly hair, had on some funky blouse with a big black and white bag and had ripped jeans and some heeled shoes. Interesting look. Definitely one of the top two or three attractive women that I’ve met in Nashville since I’ve come back here.

So while she’s talking with me, I’m thinking to myself, is she actually showing a friendly interest in me. It’s so darn hard to read if a woman whose talking to you is attracted to you. I was looking for some signs.

-She kept eye contact with me.
-We stood about a foot apart from each other as not to cross any physical boundaries
-She laughed a lot and thought I was funny.
-She didn’t touch my arm or anything like that during the entire conversation.

However, after about 20 minutes, I realized that she was interested in me. I’m not saying in a romantic, we’re going to start dating kind of way. But she was NOT completely rejecting me and placing me in the friendship zone. Trust me, I know when I’m getting placed in that zone. This conversation was in between.

I also did the one defense mechanism that I hate doing. At least once during our conversation, I asked her if I was keeping her from anything important. I have the habit of making sure my conversation with a girl isn’t taking up too much of her time. There’s probably more to it like I don’t believe that a girl will willingly talk to me in a subconscious way. You psychology majors or dating experts can probably give me a straight answer on this.

We even talked about each others families and how we ended up here at Belmont. This whole conversation went for about an hour. At least once or twice, I mentioned that I had to leave but one of us would mention something and we would go another 10 minutes.

So when it was finally time to end the conversation, I was unsure how to end it. I mentioned that I was going to watch the Alabama/Clemson game this Saturday at a friend’s house. Maria wants to come to that if she isn’t busy.

I say that’s cool and get her phone number. I told her that I’ll call her if I’m heading out with some friends out on the town or going to a game, something like that. Maria was down with that because she’s trying to meet new people here in town.

She’s even interested in coming to, wait for it, ‘Pancakes.’ Maria lives a block away from me so its not like I’m asking her for a late-night visit or anything like that so she knows that this wasn’t a forward date move because it’s a friendly gathering. I invite any and everyone to ‘Pancakes.’

Finally, I tell her that it was nice meeting her and give her a handshake and let go a little too early. If you read my previous post on greeting from last week, you know my feelings on this: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/08/when-is-it-time-to-hug-it-out.html

I walk home and that’s really it.

I guess I’ll call her on Friday night to see if she wants to watch the game and see what happens there.

Your advise on this topic would be welcomed. Maria is cool and I would like to get to know her better, but I don’t want to get into some ultra serious commited relationship or anything like that.

I need to convey that I would like to hang out with her in a friendly way that could potentially turn into something but not place pressure on her.

Should I even call her on Friday?
Should I call her Saturday before the game?
Should I even call her at all?
Should I invite her over to my place to watch some TV in a friendly, non-dating way because we like the same shows and she can literally walk over to my place and be here in less than five minutes?
Should I ask her out for coffee at the Bongo?
Should I make her a collage?
Should I have a box social and invite her to it?
Should I just do like my nephew Matt said and completely ignore her?

So many options. However, it was good to speak with a cool girl for an evening, even if I never see her again. If you’re a longtime fan of this blog, you know that I tend to focus on unavailable women. For reference, I will mention Joan and Amber. Maybe your boy will finally met someone who has no attachments and is ready to play. Or maybe I just made another good friend. Either way, it’s all good.

I leave you with her favorite artist, Cheyenne Kimball, I think. She either said Cheyenne or Chevelle. Here’s both of them.

She even dug my interest in Talking Heads, Rush and even Mars Volta.

BTW, my post on Kobe and Lebron going to Europe will be tomorrow, I promise

Sunday Reflections

Another Sunday, another time to reflect…

-Some amendments on my final thoughts on the Olympics.

1) I stayed up to watch the gold-medal game between the USA and Spain in men’s basketball. Props to the US for getting the win and bringing the gold home. Kobe, that was a man performance. He’s the best player on the planet and there’s no doubt about it.

Spain is legit and could have won that game. Missing Calderon was a major deal for them. However, the point guard Rubio is going to be a major player in the future, especially considering that he’s only 17. Furthermore, Rudy Fernandez is going to ball hard for Portland. One more thing, how is Navarro not on an NBA roster? He’s a solid guard.

I’m calling it right now, the top four for MVP this season will include Kobe, LeBron, Chris Paul and Dwayne Wade, in some order. Wade is going to have a monster, monster season for the Heat this year.

International basketball is back in the mainstream and that’s a good thing. I’m going to post on this more this week.

2) Congrats to the USA men’s volleyball team for their thrilling win over Brazil for the gold medal. Tremendous match and effort throughout the games considering the tragedy that took place with the family of the head coach.

3) My brother and I are making serious plans to go to the London Olympics in 2012. any one of you is down with the plan, just shoot me a holler. I’m looking at you Mr. McMahon, People’s Champion and icon of the masses, Sean Sawyer, Sager and Meggie. Let’s make it happen.

Just remember that we’re going to have to attend handball, table tennis, tons of judo, avoid diving and gymnastics and probably check out rhythmic gymnastics and women’s volleyball for my “research.”

-This weekend was solid overall. Saw some soccer action, washed the clothes and got some relaxing in.

-The undergraduates have returned to Belmont and I’m hyped. I love school and am looking so forward to going back to classes myself. I’ve missed learning, seeing my friends consistently and many other things. I’ll have a post on this topic tomorrow after orientation with the new sports administration graduate students.

-While washing my clothes, I went to Harris Teeter and flipped through some magazines. I came across a Cosmo I think with Blake Lively from Gossip Girl on the cover. I rarely look at this magazine but had some time to kill and checked it out. Wow, interesting stuff. There’s content on woman issues like breast cancer, but then the next article will be on sexual positions and how to spice up your love life. Just odd. Decent read though.

-This week, I’ve taken my nephew’s advise and ignored the ladies, which was kinda odd. I’m a social guy and I like to know what going on with people but I don’t want to be overbearing. To be honest with you, I really didn’t think about any of the women that I discuss and detail here this week at all. I’ve really just moved on and just living my life.

I did put my nephew’s ideals to the test when I saw Amber at the gym Saturday after not seeing her for about two weeks. Usually, when I see her, I stop and speak with her for a few minutes. However, when I entered the gym, I gave her a hello and walked right past her and did my workout. When I finished my lift, I was leaving and Amber said what’s up to me and we chatted some. I let her initiate the conversation and lead things.

We finished and I just said goodbye and left. I wanted to tell Amber later how it was great to see her, how great it was to see her smile and wanted to talk with her some more because I can spend everyday with her, but I haven’t spoken or called her or text messaged her since I saw her.

I’m not saying that this is the right approach or something that I would normally do, but it’s definitely different. I’ll give you an update if something happens.

-The two most poitntless things that go on during this time of year for me. Little League Baseball World Series and Preseason football. I’ve watched none of the first one and maybe 10 minutes of the second one.

-I’ve just joined a fantasy football league and I’m geeked about that.

-That’s all for Reflections. Here’s a tentative schedule of the posts schedule this week:

Monday: Why I’m hyped about returning to school
Tuesday: Why I still represent for the NYC contrary to popular beliefs
Wednesday: Why I’m feeling international basketball again and why its 40% possible that Kobe Bryant ends his career in Italy and Lebron James in Greece
Thursday: Wildcard
Friday: A proper MMA Review
Saturday: Whatever I damn well please
Sunday: Reflections

-I was bumping some Depeche Mode hard this weekend. Here’s some music.

Sunday Reflections

It’s funny that I had a clip from Chasing Amy, one of my favorite movies ever, on this blog this past week.

Long story short, it’s a movie about a guy who meets a girl who’s a lesbian, he puts it out there that he loves her, they decide to date each other, he finds out about her very active sexual past, they break up, etc. I’ll have a clip below from the movie explaining the title.

Looking back on this, I’m wondering what I’m chasing in my life.

I was on my Facebook account Saturday morning and I came across pictures of an old college female friend and her vacation pictures with her boyfriend. I used to like this girl when we were in school and we have kept in touch over the years. I don’t have any romantic feelings for her now. So, I see the pictures and the first thought is jealousy. I’m jealous that she has found someone in her life and looks happy on her vacation.

I became reflective and thought to myself that I’ve never found a woman in my life to have a relationship with and became depressed. I began to blame myself and came to the belief that I’m not good looking, don’t have a good personality and no woman would ever want to spend time with me.

And also, while I see a lot of people meeting special people in their lives, getting married or developing potentially life-long relationships with their boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m watching Kevin Smith clips on the internet and playing video games till 2 a.m. alone.

All of these emotions hit me at one moment and that sucked to be honest with you.

My next step was looking directly into the mirror and looking right at myself. From this, I learned two life lessons, one of which I’ve mentioned on this blog numerous times.

The first one was that for me to love someone else, I must first learn to love myself. I looked in the mirror and was happy with the person that I was seeing. I’m in a good mental and physical place in my life right now. My life isn’t perfect but I’m very blessed. I’ve made strides physically and I’m a good person. I like my personality and have truly been acting like myself the past year or so. I’ve always had two major kinks in my personality. First, I try to please everybody because I fear rejection and I’m passive-aggressive. I’m trying to be honest with people and not worry if they like me or not. I’m happy with my progress on these things. If I haven’t met a woman who can accept me for who I am, that’s not my fault or women’s fault in general. That’s just the way that life has worked out for me.

The second thing that I realized when looking in the mirror was why I was comparing my life to someone else’s. I’ve stated here numerous times that one of the main rules that I live by is to not compare my life with another. I realized that my college friend is living her life the way she is and I shouldn’t be ashamed of mine.

I then went to the gym and got a good cardio workout in thinking about all of these things. What I realized also is that I’ve been selfish in my prospective of life.

I try to be liberal and accept everyone for who they are yet struggle with accepting me, if that makes sense. I become not happy with myself and therefore envy others who seem happy.

While I was working out, I saw Amber. Once again, for those of you unfamiliar with Amber, here are some posts she’s been mentioned in: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/06/update-on-workout-girl-if-you-see-this.html and http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-what-i-get-for-trying-to.html

During my entire interaction with her the past few months, I’ve never truly felt happy that she was dating someone back in her hometown and not me. Sure, I’ve told her that I was happy for her but haven’t completely meant it. Why did I feel this way?

I’m on the elliptical machine thinking of this and why was I reflecting my emotions towards hoping for non-happiness of others.

I then had a moment of clarity. Amber is a friend who has become dear to me. So what if she’s not interested in me as a boyfriend? She’s happy with her boyfriend and I’m happy that she’s happy.

We then talk with each other and I looked right into her eyes and asked her about her boyfriend. I found out about his international travel, musical interests and other things. For the first time in my life hearing someone else talking about their partner, I wasn’t jealous. I started talking about the girl I mentioned on my Sunday reflections last week: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/07/sunday-reflections-sunday-reflections.html

I then told Amber about my morning and talked to her about never having a serious girlfriend at 27, playing video games, etc. She then did something that I’ll never forget.

She looked right at me and told me that it’s OK.

Many people tell me that my lifestyle is ok, but I usually ignore it on the premise that they are telling me this to not be mean. However, Amber honestly told me that I’m just living my life and it’s all good. I was also cool with my lifestyle and I thought it was all good.

My all goods were all coming in sync and I felt fortunate to have Amber in my life.

We continued our conversation and was happy with myself and more importantly, the happiness of others. All of the jealously and envy that I had for other people’s dating lives went away and I felt clearer and so free.

I finally stopped chasing the lives of others and focused on staying home and working on my own. I finally loved myself.

If you’re familiar with this blog, you know that I have moments of happiness and sadness, sometimes both at the same time. In a few days, I can become sad again.

However, the feeling that I have right now isn’t happiness or sadness. It's acceptance.

Yeah, I’m 27, live in a small apartment, take pride in my video game skills, am little on the pudgy side, love my General Hospital, like my Kevin Smith movies and other things as well. I am who I am and now love who I am.

I can honestly say for the first time in my life, if I’m single my entire life and never meet someone special, I’m OK with it.

Wow, that was some deep stuff. Sorry for taking you down that path, but that’s what Sunday Reflections makes me do.

I’ll have some good stuff this week for you as usual on sports, movies, TV and life in general.

For now, I leave you with two clips from Chasing Amy. The first one is the actual speech from Silent Bob explaining the title and my post tonight. The second one is what you can tell a potential girlfriend one day. The clip doesn’t show it but she ends up kissing him in the end.

Have a good week everybody!

Cleaning Out the Links, Part I

Hey everyone, I really don’t know what to write about today on the blog. I’m going to the Family Guy post by the end of the week and I have my MMA Review on Friday.

Other than that, there isn’t anything in particular that I want to write about. I could always do one of my patented, “I’m alone and lonely and why do women not like me” posts, those are a blast for everyone to read. It’s even better going back and reading some of them. However, today, I won’t do one of those posts.

I’ve been clearing out some favorite links on my laptop recently and want to share some of them with you for your enjoyment.

-Here’s an interesting article on the issue of modern kids being coddled: http://www.newsweek.com/id/133103?GT1=43002

I remember when I was in fifth grade and would take the New York MTA bus to my elementary school. It was good times!

-This actually came up when I stopped by my office recently. We were talking about different college athletic programs like Stanford try to balance athletics and academics. I came across this ranking comparing programs with top-15 teams and its ranking in the US News report. Both are up for interpretation, but its worth a look: http://elite50.stack.com/top50.aspx

-A good Web site that provides lists with nice links is theshiznit.co.uk. Here’s their list of the top-50 funniest movie scenes ever: http://www.theshiznit.co.uk/feature/the-50-funniest-movie-scenes-ever-with-videos.php?page=4

This scene has always been a favorite from an underrated movie. Black Rage!!!:



Another list that they had was the top-50 fight scenes ever. Sick stuff. There are the usual ones from action flicks, sports movies and some kung fu: http://www.theshiznit.co.uk/review.php?id=242

Here’s the kick ass battle between Nameless and Sky from Hero. Recommend this movie so much.



-Here’s a link to the 20 Gnarliest Torture Devices of All-Time (potentially NSFW): http://folk.ntnu.no/erlenkra/Daily%20Radar%20Feature%20-%2020%20Gnarliest%20Torture%20Devices%20of%20All%20Time.htm

Personally, I want no part of The Rack, The Head Crusher, The Judas Cradle or The Saw. The Burning at the Stake is an oldie but a goodie if you ask me.

-Here’s a great way to handle a heckler if you ever become a standup comedian (potentially NSFW, bad words are used): http://www.topsocialite.com/how-to-handle-a-heckler-like-a-pro/

-Speaking of Kevin Smith, here’s him discussing his involvement with a potential Superman movie. It shows you how frickin crazy Hollywood is at times. Bad words are used:



-Here’s a list of the 20 Hottest Women from the 1990’s. I would have given up my allowance, all of my Mets gear and every single one of my Super Nintendo games for women number five and four back in the day: http://www.topsocialite.com/the-20-hottest-women-of-the-90s/

That’s part one of me clearing out my links. I’ll have some later installments in the next few weeks. See ya’ll around.

...So I'm at the bar (this is a positive post, I promise)

This was supposed to be my first drunk post in the grand tradition of the drunk dial or the new popular drunk text message, but I’ve sobered up through the evening or early morning.

This is definitely the latest post that I’ve ever done.

I just got back from a night out in Nashville with my boys and a lady friend. We went to several places downtown including McFadden’s and ended the evening at my favorite reflective place, Tin Roof.

The reason that I call it my favorite reflective place is that I always think of post topics there, like this one. But I have to hit on some things first:

-The ladies of Nashville are outstanding. I saw some amazing women out there with all types of looks. Big, small, black, white, blond, brunette, big butts, small butts, strong upper bodies, small upper bodies and everything in between. The scenery was great.

-It was good to hear some good dance/rap music. I usually stick to my hard rock/progressive music; however, it was good to hear some jams blasting in the club. That Justin Timberlake/Madonna song Four Minutes is the truth.

-I honestly have no idea how to approach women, at least in a bar. I’m a social guy and can hold a good conversation but I need to get a start. There are two problems with bars in this area. One, the music is way, way too loud. I hate having to shout over people to have a conversation. Second, you women travel in packs and that’s intimidating as hell. I would see one girl who was cute and seemed nice; however she would be around two or three of her friends and would be shielding her off from everyone. How am I supposed to penetrate that fortress?

Finally, towards the end of the night, we head over to Tin Roof and just see all of the hot girls there and wondering to myself, what do I really want from women currently in my life.

I feel so confused right now in many things in my life. I’ve had a mini-career crisis professionally. Actually, that sounds too harsh. I love my current job, but once I graduate from grad school next May, I have to find another one and I have a lot of potential options. I’ll save that issue for another post.

For now, I don’t know what I want from women now. Do I want to just have a sexual relationship with them? I do have physical needs that I would like to seen met. When I see a beautiful woman, I do want to have “relations” with her.

BTW, I sound like a parent trying to explain sex to a little child or a really religious person that doesn’t want to say sex.

Anyway, I would like to have sex with women. However, I just don’t want to meet some girl in a bar and hook up with her the same night. That’s not only dirty; it’s unhealthy, immature and just bad times.

So I know that I don’t want a dirty girl, that’s for sure.

I’ve written in the past that I would like to develop a friendship with a woman before anything physical went down. I still believe in that, for the most part.

I think the problem is that all of the women that I’ve confronted in the past few months each have their own quirks. Let’s break them down:

Brittany- Old friend from back home in the NYC. Care about her very much, but she’s there and I’m in Nashville. We communicate, but the distance means that we can’t date.

Alicia- Old friend from college who currently lives in Atlanta. Nice woman who I vibe with well. However, one mini-problem is that she lives in Atlanta and one major problem is that she allegedly has a boyfriend of over a year, even though she said we could hang out whenever I’m back in town.

Amber- Oh, Amber. Well, let’s see. She’s actually one of the more chill girls that I’ve met in a while, easy to talk with, digs and understands my career and is beautiful. Plus, she has a cool nickname, “Workout Girl,” and someone that everyone asks about when they mention my blog. However, she’s dating someone back in her hometown.

Joan- This one is an interesting case. I really, really like her. Joan has every characteristic in a woman that I would like to date from looks, interests and everything in between. She’s a big sports fan and likes Family Guy. I feel the most connected with her out of anybody and we’re compatible. What more could I need? She’s become a good friend over the past few months. However, she’s in a very serious relationship and I don’t want to mess with that because it’s not my place. She knows how I feel.

Lisa- She was the potential hot roommate from a while ago. I haven’t heard from her in a while.

That’s the breakdown. I just wish that for one time, I could just meet a girl, we each like each others company, and we date, develop a friendship, the physical stuff takes care of itself and go from there.

But I can’t force it. I’ve actually started this process the past week or so. While I would try to talk to each of these women every few days, I’ve stopped communicating with pretty much all of them unless I see them around. I need to create distance.

The good and bad thing about me is that I don’t attract potential prospects for a one-night hookup. I’ve never met one girl in my life that was immediately attracted to me and wanted to fool around. I guess that I’m not attractive enough for that, but I also know that I’m not ugly.

The thing that gets me is that I see jerks that are ugly, mean and can’t hold a conversation pulling women.

I’m a good looking guy, well educated, funny, smart, and easy to get along with, so what’s the issue? I get along with pretty much everybody and am friendly.

That may be the problem, I’m too friendly. Furthermore, my cousin told me that I’m too passive when it comes to women. She tells me that women want a man who takes charge and is aggressive. I’m very laid back and let things just flow, which may be an issue.

I just don't feel the pressure to hook up most of the time. However, the urge does come about at times.

That’s all for me, its time for bed, but I have two questions for you to help me out with. You can leave your answers in the comments section or just tell me when you see me around.

1) How do I pick up/meet women at a bar/club?
2) What can I do to meet/have more success with women right now in general?

For now, here’s the Four Minutes song I mentioned earlier.

When is a friendly meeting maybe a date but not a date

So when is a date not a date?

I finally had my lunch with Alicia today. It was good seeing her.

I’ve mentioned her in previous posts so I won’t go over everything again. Just read them.

I decide on a place to meet and I’m sitting outside in the hot weather trying not to sweat and look like a hot mess when she comes. I finally see Alicia and she looks beautiful, even better than she did in college. Actually, she’s always been beautiful with the cutest big brown eyes and smile. I’ve always been a fan of hers, if you know what I’m saying.

So, we hug and enter the place. I open the door for her and make sure that she sits down at the table first. Manners, fellas, manners.

Now, if you’ve read this blog, you know that my dating life isn’t the strongest, so I was actually nervous approaching this lunch. I then told Alicia that this lunch was on me to show her that I’m a baler and shot-caller, always a necessity.

We chat about what’s going on in our lives, actually I take that back. I ask Alicia questions about what’s going on in her life and just listen. One thing that I do know about dating and my interactions with women is that, and I know that it’s a stereotype, they tend to talk a lot. The funny thing is that I’m a big talker too and that’s hurt my dating in the past.

I told myself before we even met up that I would be quiet for most of the “date” and just listen to Alicia. One, I actually wanted to know what she’s been up to because she’s very interesting and two, I need to work on my listening skills and this is was great practice.

Alicia tells me about her jobs in teaching and how she’s recently become highly involved in the Presidential campaign of one of the candidates. Its either Obama or McCain, I can’t tell y’all. During all of this, I just continue to ask her questions and she’s happy to keep talking. She talks about living in Los Angeles and Atlanta, her teaching job and everything in between.

This made my job so much easier. Alicia would then ask me about what I was doing in my life and I told her about school, being an SID, sports and other things. However, I would only speak for about 10-20 seconds and bring it right back to Alicia.

The good thing about our lunch was the eye contact and body language. I kept looking right into her eyes whenever she was talking and made sure that I listened to every word that Alicia said so that I could respond accordingly. Have I mentioned how cute she is? I also made sure to not talk with my mouth full. Good things all around.

Everything is going well and we even talked about our families, since it was father’s day a few days ago. Alicia talked about her father being in Atlanta for the weekend and things like that. I even opened up about the strained relationship I have with my father and the complicated scenario that has developed. She even seemed sympathetic to all of it, but I told her and tell you that the Pourtouts/Greys work in a strange way. I never talk about my family life with outsiders accept the iconic and hero to the common man, Sean Sawyer.

Then the lunch got interesting. I started talking about how I’ve opened my life up more and stopped becoming a hermit. I mention how the Blog is a representation of this. Alicia mentioned that she reads the blog once in a while and asked me what was going on with Amber. I told her that nothing was there, we’re just friends and that I was single and just living life.

Things were going so well between us that I asked what her relationship status was. Alicia tells me that she’s officially seeing someone that she has been friends with for a long time.

I was disappointed, but not devastated. I don’t meet too many girls that I vibe with on a major level. Furthermore, Alicia knows me from the early days before I became the stud that I am today*.

I didn’t know Alicia’s dating status before we met up and even if she told me she was dating someone before we met, I would have still done the lunch. I really wanted to catch up with her in person. The key is that I came into this lunch with no expectations of anything. If I came into it with the belief that I would be meeting a future lady love of my life, I would have been sad.

However, as I’ve stated in my interactions with Amber and Joan, I don’t try to officially label things at this stage of my life.

So the bill comes and I want to make Alicia pay for her check because her meal cost more*. However, I pay for our lunches and I walk with Alicia to her car. She tells me I don’t have to walk her to her car, but I see all of the people in the movies do it, so why not me, right? We continue to talk and discuss future plans in our lives and things like that. The conversation throughout was outstanding.

Another thing I need to work on is the art of the couple walk. I was walking really fast and almost past her, however Alicia was doing this very, very slow trot so that we can talk more. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, I need your advice.

I finally walk her to her elevator she gives me another hug and tells me that it was great seeing me again. I tell her the same thing. Alicia then tells me that when I come back into Atlanta, I should give her a call so that we can get together again and alcohol should be involved. She was kidding about that last part, I think and I hope.

That my friends is how a lunch with an old friend can turn from a get together to a date to not a date to a friendly walk to a potential invitation for a pseudo date later on even though she says she has a boyfriend.

I think that covers it. It was awesome meeting up with Alicia again. However, I need to know what to make of the events today. Please leave your comments about this on the post. I want this one to start a good debate.

Several factors to consider. I live in Nashville and she lives in Atlanta. However, I’m in Atlanta often because the family lives here. I head back to the ‘Ville later this week, but will be back later in the summer.

I was watching some of the NBA Finals while doing this post, but when I saw that “Beyond the Pale” was on Comedy Central, the most awesome comedy special ever by Jim Gaffigan, it’s been on. Here’s a clip from the show, I seriously recommend this.

*just kidding

An Update on "Workout Girl" (If you see this picture, you know it ain't good!)

So I had an interesting conversation with “workout girl” today at the gym.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Amber is the girl that I always interact with in the gym who I like a lot. I even chronicled one encounter with her in a past post. Here it is: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-what-i-get-for-trying-to.html

Wow, Amber was the subject of my third-ever post back in April. Crazy stuff.

Anyway, all of this stuff has started out back in April. We crossed paths a lot at baseball games and at the Beaman. I’ve been asking her out to do something together and every time I do, something never got right. I would text her and not get a response. I would not contact her for several days and see if that was an issue. We just couldn’t connect.

We openly talked about our potential relationships outside of each other and did it in a mature manner. Amber was dating; I was talking to other girls. We were just living our lives.

However, something weird happened last weekend. I saw Amber at the Beaman on a Thursday and we were talking as usual. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee that weekend. She said yes. I told Amber that I would call her Saturday and we could pick a time.

Now, the old Marcel would have been pushy and set a date and time for Saturday on Thursday. I’m usually very aggressive when it comes to dealing with trying to date girls.

I also used to be very traditional in my views. I thought that if you liked someone, you asked them out, you went on a date, etc. However, the concept of dating has been twisted over time. It seems like people aren’t having traditional dates as much now. What are your thoughts?

So, I call Amber on Saturday morning, not too early. I leave a message on her voicemail saying hello, just calling, and the usual stuff. I didn’t hear from her so I called Saturday night, saying the same stuff. No word from Amber.

Sunday comes along and I’m relaxing at my home and I realize that it’s Sunday night and I hadn’t heard from Amber. So I shoot her a quick text message asking what’s up and if she’s ok.

On Monday morning, I get a text from her telling me that she was working all that weekend and was sorry that she didn’t call me back. Cool.

The key to our interactions is that it’s always been laid back. We’re not too serious about it. And from dealing with Joan, the girl that I have feelings for but is dating someone, I’ve learned to keep it honest with women. It’s just too demanding and a pain in the butt to have lies and deceptions and trying to act like someone you aren’t.

I said to myself that I wouldn’t talk to or call Amber for a week. I needed some distance from her. However, when you work out a lot like I do and she happens to be employed by the gym, that’s not going to happen.

I saw Amber several times and didn’t mention anything about trying to go out with her. Once again, no pressure. However, I was in the gym today and saw her and really wanted to spend time with her. I did my workout and during most of it I kept coming back to the thought that if Amber really isn’t interested in going out with me, why am I going to keep harping on trying to make it happen?

As I said, I’ve been trying to go out with Amber since April! I needed to just get an answer and some clarity. So after I lift, I go to Amber and ask her if she’s dating someone. She mentions that she likes a guy back in her hometown. We’ve talked about the guy in the past, so that wasn’t shocking at all. Amber tells me that she’s interested in him right now, isn’t single and is trying to have a long-distance relationship.

Old Marcel would have lost his mind and been sad for the rest of the weekend, wondering why there isn’t anyone out there for him, believing that he will die lonely, etc.

However, since Amber and I have kept it honest with each other, I wasn’t mad at all. I actually appreciated her honesty and telling me what she was feeling. I listened to her and respected it instead of trying to hear what I wanted to hear. There's a difference between listening and hearing.

I’m not happy with it because I still have feeling for Amber and think that she’s a great girl. We have fun together when we interact and we’ve become friends. I’m actually happy that she’s found someone that she’s vibed with. I really am. If she’s happier with her boyfriend then potentially unhappy with me, be happy Amber. Also, she’s very cute and that’s always a good thing.

I’ve reached an interesting phase of interaction with women in my life the past few months.

With Amber and especially Joan, I’m accepted trying to know a girl for more than just seeing her, being attracted to her and then wanting to date her immediately. I’ve taken a step back and tried to let things happen in an eased pace.

It’s different for me because I’m someone who likes to pursue things immediately, whether I need them or not. However, when dealing with women it’s a different deal.

Looking back on the old me, I forced many potential relationships with my aggressiveness and that ruined any chance of something special developing. I guess I was looking for some quick and simple gratification, that’s what she said. Let me stop.

Point being that you can’t force a relationship with a woman. She has her own life and she isn’t going to force anything into it that isn’t necessary. I’ve made the mistake of assuming that women have a lot of free time and are looking for someone like me to fill that time and I suffocate them.

That’s not how it is. For a potential relationship to work, each of us must balance our own times before we can incorporate anyone else into it.

Where do I go from here? Do I secretly pine for Amber or even Joan to break up with their boyfriends and come running to me? Sure, if they wanted to hang out with me and take it to another level, I’m cool with that.

However, I’m going to keep flowing with life and see where it takes my relationships with women. Hopefully, if I meet someone and we want to date each other, we’ll be ready for each other and things can go from there.

Lets just all hope it doesn’t take two months this time.

Here's some Genesis for your viewing pleasure.