Sunday Reflections

Hey everyone, hope your week was well. It’s time for some Reflections, Vanderbilt football-style:

-The highlight of the week was seeing my Vanderbilt Commodores become 5-0 on the season after beating Auburn on Saturday night. Well, first, I went to the ESPN Gameday show at Peabody or the Commons, on Saturday morning, which was an amazing time yet boring. It was surreal seeing Chris, Lee, Kirk and Desmond only a few yards away. The boring part is that the guys do their thing on TV and then during commercial breaks, you just stand there. So you stand there for a few minutes doing nothing and then when the cameras are on, you start making noise.

-Continuing on the GameDay show, I liked two signs. The first one was the now known one “Phil Fulmer ate my other sign.” It’s always a good time making fun of that guy. Keep barely beating Northern Illinois at home, I love it. The second one was “The geeks shall inherit the turf.” As an alum, this is true. Vandy people are dorks. We are. If you read this blog enough, you already knew that. The fact that the football team is doing so well is tremendous.

-Why was Kenny Chesney there? I don’t mind the guy’s music but not only is he from Knoxville or Redneck Central, USA, he’s an unabashed East Tennessee Hillbilly College fan. I was not happy seeing him on my school’s turf.

-My thoughts on Corso pulling the switch-a-roo with his predictions? First, his predictions are mostly wrong, so I wanted no part of his mojo. Second, when he throw Commie’s head to the side, I was pissed. Then, when he pulled out that hunting or community roadside cleanup orange jersey out, it was war. I don’t think he understands how much us Commodores dislike that orange. I was pissed for about ten minutes, but then the WWE fan in me actually dug it. I was talking with two friends in the press box at the game, Brandon and Thomas, about it and all of us like wrestling and agreed that the move was something that Shawn Michaels or Ric Flair would pull. So Corso, you’re not on my screw you list, but you’re pushing it.

-The game itself was a tale of quarters. The first quarter finished and I thought that Auburn was going to put a number on Vandy, it looked that bad. Then the rest of the game just unfolded Vandy’s way. I will say this, if you’re an Auburn fan, I would be pissed at that offense. That was bad to see in person.

-Towards the end of the game, I got on the field to take care of my post-game duties and the sight of all of those fans in the stands was amazing. I’m not supposed to cheer and stay professional and be neutral. It was so hard to not cheer and hold my emotions in. I was actually getting emotional when Vandy was taking the knee to run out the clock. Corso walked right past me and a fan from the stands started heckling him in a playful way. Corso looked up at the fan and smiled at him. Gotta respect that. Then, I saw Desmond Howard cheering like Michigan just won the Rose Bowl. He was feeling the moment. I was just so happy for the team, the fans, everyone.

-I’ve held off on writing a post about the changing state of Vanderbilt football because it’s not over. I’m taking two mentalities. First, I’m waiting to see how the season really plays out and taking it one game at a time, just like the team is. Its my nature to be skeptical and not make grand proclamations like the program has turned a corner or something like that. Second, I’m just going to enjoy the moments and live through them and not over analyze.

-OK, done with the Vandy talk for now.

-The Cubs. Sorry Joan. I’m a Mets fan who grew up disliking the Cubs and they’re performance this playoffs was insulting to me. How do you get swept by the Dodgers? Well, at least they’re team made the playoffs, speaking of which…

-So I was talking to Joan this weekend and telling her how much I loved her…Just messing with ya’ll. She hasn’t gotten a mention in a long time.

-OK, back to the Presidential Debate which is taking place only a few blocks away from where I live. I’ll be watching on Tuesday and probably give you a report on Wednesday about it.

-Let’s see. The New York Giants are 4-0, the Tennessee Titans are 5-0, I’ve already spoken about Vandy, Georgia Tech is 4-1 and even my adopted team the Atlanta Falcons are a frisky 3-2 after winning at Green Bay today. I’m so not used to this football success, seriously. I know that not all of the teams are going to win championships or anything like that, but living in this moment has been a fun time to be a football fan.

-I’m listening to The Cure on Pandora Radio and its tight. The song on now is Want, look it up when you have a chance.

-Now I’m listening to some music from A Perfect Circle, from an acoustic set that they did. Love it and want to share it with you below:



-How is the retirement from trying to date women going Etienne or Marcel depending on who you are? Its going ok. The beard I think has shown my seriousness to myself and commitment to making myself happy instead of searching for it through someone else.

I was speaking with Watson this week and she asked me if I was trying to date anyone and for the first time I looked at someone in their eyes and said no and didn’t feel bad about it. She was funny in telling me that she’s going to help me find someone and that was sweet of her, but I’m not focused on that right now. Now, if I crossed paths with someone and we wanted to spend some time together, I wouldn’t object to letting her enter my life. However, if she can’t name at least three WAC teams, two teams from the MAC, MEAC and MAAC (yes, those are three different conferences) and tell me what the mascot of San Jose State, San Diego, New Mexico State or Utah State, she’s out.

-Just kidding. I told Watson this and she told me that I’m not going to find a girl who’s going to know this. I said that I was joking…or was I?

-Of course I’m joking. I’m going to meet a woman one day that digs art and wants me to break down a painting and I’m screwed. However, we’ll work it out. As long as she doesn’t believe that the Mets need to score more touchdowns or the Knicks need to hit more home runs and we’re set.

-OK, those were some long ramblings and I want to get some sleep. The good news is that I have some downtime this week, so I will be blogging long and hard, that’s what she said…doesn’t apply, understood. Here’s what I’m going to try to get to this week.

Monday: Final Review of my MLB predictions and how much of a sports fan am I now
Tuesday: NFL Week Review
Wednesday: How an episode of How I Met Your Mother made me think of relationships
Thursday: Freestyle or an epic Pot Roast recipe, undecided for now. Vote in my comments section.
Friday: MMA Review. Kimbo will get written about in a not so good way
Saturday: Something about someone
Sunday: Reflections

Good night, have a good week and here’s some more A Perfect Circle:

Meeting Maria and Reflecting on My Final Round at Belmont

Before I get to my post about NBA players going to Europe, I’ve had an interesting night.

First, I had my first class of the semester. It was good to see many of my friends in one location for the first time along with one or two new faces. I’m looking forward to the class for the rest of the semester, even though if it pans out like I think it will, its going to be a lot of work. But all of us in the class are in graduate school to better ourselves and for that to happen, we have to work hard. Bring on the work!

I was about to head home, but ran into my friend Robert and we chatted for about an hour near the soccer field. It was a good conversation where each of us was reflecting on our time at school and looking forward to the upcoming year. It’s each of our last year here at Belmont and talking to him made me realize that I will probably be in a different place in May. If I stay in Nashville, I would like to stay where I’m living and be near Belmont, but it ain’t the same as an alum. I experience this everytime I’m at Vandy now.

So after speaking with Robert, I proceeded to head past Beaman and come across Daniel and Angie and speak with them some. I was about to leave when a really cute girl asked Angie a question about her student ID card. I was talking to Daniel about getting home to watch The Simpsons. She walked off and I happened to follow her because we were heading the same direction. She looked back and saw me and thought it was funny that I was rushing home to see that show.

I’ve honestly haven’t been looking to date any girls recently and haven’t even asked one out in a long, long time. I’ve been focused on work and just living a chill life. However, if a girl like this one wants to chat, I’m going to respond.

I joked with her about my entire syndication TV viewing rotation including the Simpsons, Family Guy, Scrubs, Seinfeld, etc. She mentioned how much she likes those shows as well. I even mentioned King of Queens, which she likes because she resembles one of the actresses.

I held off on telling her about coming home to watch General Hospital also. I’ll have to ease her into that one.

I found out her name, Maria (not her real name, but you know the drill by now) and we walked to her home, continuing to talk. I learned about her, she’s a transfer student and this is her first year at Belmont. She's an artist who specializes in drawing. I originally thought that I was going to just talk with her for a few minutes and then go home, but we vibed immediately.

She’s a talker and very outgoing, which was a good thing because I was just content to listen to her. We talked about everything, music, tv, sports, movies, etc. I’m usually the one that initiates conversations, but Maria just kept going and going, which was a good thing. She talked about her dancing background, things like that. She even found my job as an SID interesting and sorta comprehended what I did. We talked about financial aid and our process of getting that done. Needless to say, the conversation hit many subjects.

She’s also a legit sports fan and likes sports such as soccer, volleyball and baseball. I know that she’s going to come out to some Belmont games which is good for her.

BTW, it was humid as heck outside and I was sweating, but if you think I was going to pass an opportunity to speak to her, you don’t even know.

It was funny because the first part of the interaction, I was thinking, this girl is way too hot for me. That was my honest thought.

She has dark, curly hair, had on some funky blouse with a big black and white bag and had ripped jeans and some heeled shoes. Interesting look. Definitely one of the top two or three attractive women that I’ve met in Nashville since I’ve come back here.

So while she’s talking with me, I’m thinking to myself, is she actually showing a friendly interest in me. It’s so darn hard to read if a woman whose talking to you is attracted to you. I was looking for some signs.

-She kept eye contact with me.
-We stood about a foot apart from each other as not to cross any physical boundaries
-She laughed a lot and thought I was funny.
-She didn’t touch my arm or anything like that during the entire conversation.

However, after about 20 minutes, I realized that she was interested in me. I’m not saying in a romantic, we’re going to start dating kind of way. But she was NOT completely rejecting me and placing me in the friendship zone. Trust me, I know when I’m getting placed in that zone. This conversation was in between.

I also did the one defense mechanism that I hate doing. At least once during our conversation, I asked her if I was keeping her from anything important. I have the habit of making sure my conversation with a girl isn’t taking up too much of her time. There’s probably more to it like I don’t believe that a girl will willingly talk to me in a subconscious way. You psychology majors or dating experts can probably give me a straight answer on this.

We even talked about each others families and how we ended up here at Belmont. This whole conversation went for about an hour. At least once or twice, I mentioned that I had to leave but one of us would mention something and we would go another 10 minutes.

So when it was finally time to end the conversation, I was unsure how to end it. I mentioned that I was going to watch the Alabama/Clemson game this Saturday at a friend’s house. Maria wants to come to that if she isn’t busy.

I say that’s cool and get her phone number. I told her that I’ll call her if I’m heading out with some friends out on the town or going to a game, something like that. Maria was down with that because she’s trying to meet new people here in town.

She’s even interested in coming to, wait for it, ‘Pancakes.’ Maria lives a block away from me so its not like I’m asking her for a late-night visit or anything like that so she knows that this wasn’t a forward date move because it’s a friendly gathering. I invite any and everyone to ‘Pancakes.’

Finally, I tell her that it was nice meeting her and give her a handshake and let go a little too early. If you read my previous post on greeting from last week, you know my feelings on this: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/08/when-is-it-time-to-hug-it-out.html

I walk home and that’s really it.

I guess I’ll call her on Friday night to see if she wants to watch the game and see what happens there.

Your advise on this topic would be welcomed. Maria is cool and I would like to get to know her better, but I don’t want to get into some ultra serious commited relationship or anything like that.

I need to convey that I would like to hang out with her in a friendly way that could potentially turn into something but not place pressure on her.

Should I even call her on Friday?
Should I call her Saturday before the game?
Should I even call her at all?
Should I invite her over to my place to watch some TV in a friendly, non-dating way because we like the same shows and she can literally walk over to my place and be here in less than five minutes?
Should I ask her out for coffee at the Bongo?
Should I make her a collage?
Should I have a box social and invite her to it?
Should I just do like my nephew Matt said and completely ignore her?

So many options. However, it was good to speak with a cool girl for an evening, even if I never see her again. If you’re a longtime fan of this blog, you know that I tend to focus on unavailable women. For reference, I will mention Joan and Amber. Maybe your boy will finally met someone who has no attachments and is ready to play. Or maybe I just made another good friend. Either way, it’s all good.

I leave you with her favorite artist, Cheyenne Kimball, I think. She either said Cheyenne or Chevelle. Here’s both of them.

She even dug my interest in Talking Heads, Rush and even Mars Volta.

BTW, my post on Kobe and Lebron going to Europe will be tomorrow, I promise

Sunday Reflections

What’s going on everyone, its time for Sunday Reflections!

-This weekend has been interesting. I saw my friend Joel get his diploma from my graduate school on Friday night and that was a good experience. I’ll be in his position in May getting my degree and I’m looking forward to that opportunity.

It made me thinking about the fact that I’ll be done with school in less than a year. I’m happy with my progress and I’ve learned some things. However, there are things that I want to improve on and learn about that I haven’t done yet. This is the opportunity for me to take advantage of and I need to do that more.

Most importantly, the graduation food was outstanding! Feed me and I'm a happy boy.

-I opened up my blog for other writers to contribute and have gotten one or two responses. Hopefully some of those posts will start appearing on the blog. Joan is one of them. I’m looking forward to that. Speaking of Joan…

-Just kidding! There will hopefully be no more over-analytical posts about Joan like some of my past ones, which were interesting to say the least.

We interacted with each other this week and hopefully I helped her through some stuff she’s dealing with. She's been documented on this blog way more than I expected, the last post is here: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/07/sunday-reflections-sunday-reflections.html

It’s an odd feeling to really care about a woman as a friend and naturally want to take it to another level because that seems right but you know that there are reasons that it can’t go there yet you’re not mad because she needs you as a friend more than as a boyfriend.

Ok, I’ve been typing and retyping for 20 minutes how to discuss this without boring all of you. I’ll just say that at first I was into her for the physical reasons, because she is beautiful, especially this week when I saw her. I was speechless when she entered the room. It was the same when I first met her, which I still remember. God, that’s lame. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I’ve developed more then just mere feelings for her, I actually care about her very much on an emotional level after this week, which I wasn’t planning on. I thought I was completely over her romantically, but I guess not.

I’m not going to screw up our friendship by doing something stupid, because I care about that too much. I’m still interested in other women without a doubt because I’m not in a relationship with her and she's in a relationship. I’ll work it out.

-I’ve been all over the Olympics! I was up until 2 a.m. Friday night watching Judo online. I’ve also been watching team handball, field hockey (underrated by the way) fencing and weightlifting. I’ve been watching the swimming and rowing and liking it on NBC. Surprisingly, I love soccer but haven’t been checking it out that much.

Sports like basketball, tennis and other secular sports can be checked out later on. When am I going to check out team handball again?

Right now, I’m trying to watch gymnastics and I’m not feeling it.

If you read my preview, you notice that I don’t like any of the sports that consists of a judge, accept for maybe judo, which doesn’t consist of a judge but a referee to interpret some rules.

I just can’t accept someone judging another person and determining the score.

And I know some of you are reading this and saying, Etienne Marcel, you like mixed martial arts and there are judges in that. True, but that’s only if the fight makes the maximum rounds. There are plenty of chances for the fight to end in ways controlled by the fighters like knockouts and submissions. Divers and gymnasts don’t have this chance.

I respect the athletes, I just don’t dig the operation of their sports. It’s good seeing Bela Karoli on the TV though. I thought he still coached the women gymnasts. I want his mustache.

-Speaking of martial arts, I saw UFC 87 on Saturday and like what I saw. Georges St. Pierre is a beast. You will get more analysis on Friday in MMA Review.

-That’s all from me this week. I’m not going to have a big post schedule this week because I may have to head to Georgia to take care of some family stuff.

Tomorrow, I’ll have my baseball predictions review for August. Tuesday, I’ll clean out some links. After that, I don’t know. Have a good week everybody.

I’ll leave you with some tips on self-defense from my main man, MMA legend, El Guapo Bas Rutten. If you think he’s acting odd in the clip for theatrics, he isn’t. Guapo always acts like that. Funny stuff.

...So Erin Andrews covered a baseball game for ESPN one day...

I’ve wanted to write about Erin Andrews for a long time but just never had the desire to until now.

For those of you unfamiliar with Andrews, she is a reporter for ESPN. She covers events as a sideline reporter and interviewer. Her profile has risen the past few years and has become a household name within the sports television world.

She’s considered attractive, talented and actually does a decent job in my opinion. From a strictly looks prospective, she’s cute but not to the level that some guys are talking about. If I saw her on the street in Nashville, I would say, “OK, she’s cute.”

I really don’t have usage for sideline reporters, which I’ll get into later. So, for what she’s told to do, she’s competent.

She also has a good prospective on what she does, her role in sports, is blog-friendly (which is a positive in my book obviously) and a lot of other positives.

However, since Andrews has such a high profile position on ESPN, the backlash is starting to happen.

She recently covered a Cubs/Brewers game on ESPN and her wardrobe and general professionalism was called into question by Mike Nadel, a Chicago news service columnist. Here’s his post, which I suggest at least glancing at before reading my opinion of it: http://www.norwichbulletin.com/sports/columnists/x1370764220/Mike-Nadel-Blonde-bombshell-cant-distract-red-hot-Cubs

Of course this got some responses. First, here’s a relatively objective male prospective from Deadspin: http://deadspin.com/5031564/the-erin-andrews-backlash-has-officially-begun

I mostly agreed with the Deadspin article, however, I wanted to get a woman’s prospective. I usually look at things from a male prospective first because I'm a dude and I can't avoid it. Then as a minority such as an Eskimo (who never get the respect they deserve), someone from Panama or a black person, whichever one I feel like first. And then maybe from a woman's prospective. I have the male and minority thing down but sometimes find it difficult with women. So I came across this article: http://onmilwaukee.com/sports/articles/andrewsreact.html

Finally, I then talked with another woman who’s a sports follower, my good friend Joan for her view on the situation.

She told me that first, she finds sideline reporters useless, which I disagree with somewhat. The only times that the reporters are useful are in two situations. First, if someone blows out a knee or something and they aren’t coming back in the game, that’s kinda important. Second, if they’re crappy like Emmitt Smith, OJ Simpson or Eric Dickerson. That unintentional comedy is very joyful to see.

BTW, what is up with Black Hall of Fame running backs being bad in this position? If we see Barry Sanders or Tony Dorsett on the sidelines, I’ll be scared.

Joan then told me that she agreed with the Milwaukee reported I linked to earlier. She said that good looking women tend to be ignorant to the fact that their looks helped them get into that position. She was also fair to point out that there’s nothing wrong with that, which I agree with. People get positions because of looks, race, age and a lot of other things like that. Society, especially employment, isn’t fair.

Joan then said that women in the sporting industry have to be great at their job to earn respect. I do agree with that. I can also say the same for minorities and people of certain ages and looks. However, that’s really a commentary of television in general.

People use the joke that you have a face for radio, but that’s true. You can’t move away from the fact that Andrews’ attractiveness helps her career.

Joan then proceeded to tell me this, and I’ll quote her:

“I also think that if you're just good at your job, you shouldn't have to flirt or wear inappropriate clothes (and yes, she {Andrews} does wear inappropriate clothes). The other part of being a woman in the sports industry means that you have to carefully walk a thin line: you can't be a bitch, but you also can't be a smiling, weak, yes-(wo)man, or you'll get walked over. You have to know how to stand up for yourself and how to voice opinions and disagree with people, but you have to be able to do it tactfully, diplomatically and respectfully or you'll never get people to work with you, or respect you.”

Joan then talked about the dress being inappropriate for the workplace, which in this case is a baseball field. Interesting insight into the issue indeed.

OK, so I’ve heard every opinion possible (accept from an Eskimo. If one of you knows an Eskimo, I would ask him or her as well).

Here’s my prospective of it, in bullet-point style:

• Andrews can’t help that she’s attractive. That’s my first thought. Along with that, if she wears a dress and looks well, is that her fault? It’s not like she’s wearing lingerie out there.

It’s the middle of the frickin summer and its baseball. Her dress wasn’t inappropriate at all. “Playing the sexpot?” I don’t get that at all.

But, once again, I’m a guy on this issue.

• If she’s taking advantage of her looks, good for her. People act like only women do this. Why do you think you don’t see ugly men on things such as early morning shows like Good Morning America and Today, soap operas and other “female-focused” shows?

The majority of men who watch ESPN like attractive women and the network knows this.

• She’s does interviews/sideline reporting. Personally, I can do without it because I really don’t find it interesting. If Andrews and other sideline reporters left TV, I wouldn’t really care. However, for what she does, Andrews does a good job. Why do some people really care about this? She’s there to provide some fun stuff. If she’s friendly with the players before the game, that’s probably a good thing. The players will be more open with her and we can learn more about their hobbies or how many cars they own, you know, tangible information like that.

• These are men. There have been hundreds of times when I’ve been hanging out with my friends and a cute girl walks by and we say that she’s cute or give an extra look. It is what it is. So what if the Cubs players were giving each other the general nod of approval guys give to each other. It happens. As long as they weren’t disrespectful towards her, let it be.

To be fair, here’s an interview that Nadal did with Deadspin defending his side of the story: http://deadspin.com/5031910/mike-nadel-got-your-e+mail-and-is-actually-quite-a-reasonable-fellow

Furthermore, here’s Andrews’ response to all of this stuff. http://ww3.startribune.com/blogs/randball/2008/08/02/erin-andrews-my-overall-reaction-is-that-its-really-sad/

I think in the end that Nadal and others are feeling some form of envy towards Andrews. She has become a major commodity. If she sucked at her job and was just getting by on her looks, then I can understand the dislike towards her.

However, she and many other female journalists like Suzy Kolber, Andrea Kramer, Pam Oliver, Bonnie Bernstein, Michelle Tafoya, Hannah Storm, Leslie Visser and a whole bunch of others do a good job at what they do. I really don’t care how they look. I’m watching the game more than anything.

If anything the crappiness of overall sports broadcasting announcers currently should be a bigger issue.

If Nadal thinks that there are some unattractive women out there who aren’t getting sports broadcasting positions because of Andrews, that’s probably true, but tough luck. While sports are a business, it’s also entertainment. The entertainment world works like this.

Finally, its frickin sports! Just relax.

This isn’t like Anderson Cooper interviewing President Bush on the Iraq War or something like that. Its sports.

I would love to hear your opinions on this topic. If you agree with me, cool. If you don’t agree with me, I would love to hear that side as well. And if you’re that minority that I’ve mentioned throughout this post, you will get premium coverage in my post in response to this post, because you know that’s coming.

For now, here’s Michael Scott’s prospective of women in the workplace. If you follow his lead, I guarantee a firing from your job and possibly a sexual harassment suit. Good times! Because you deserved it.

...So I'm at the bar (this is a positive post, I promise)

This was supposed to be my first drunk post in the grand tradition of the drunk dial or the new popular drunk text message, but I’ve sobered up through the evening or early morning.

This is definitely the latest post that I’ve ever done.

I just got back from a night out in Nashville with my boys and a lady friend. We went to several places downtown including McFadden’s and ended the evening at my favorite reflective place, Tin Roof.

The reason that I call it my favorite reflective place is that I always think of post topics there, like this one. But I have to hit on some things first:

-The ladies of Nashville are outstanding. I saw some amazing women out there with all types of looks. Big, small, black, white, blond, brunette, big butts, small butts, strong upper bodies, small upper bodies and everything in between. The scenery was great.

-It was good to hear some good dance/rap music. I usually stick to my hard rock/progressive music; however, it was good to hear some jams blasting in the club. That Justin Timberlake/Madonna song Four Minutes is the truth.

-I honestly have no idea how to approach women, at least in a bar. I’m a social guy and can hold a good conversation but I need to get a start. There are two problems with bars in this area. One, the music is way, way too loud. I hate having to shout over people to have a conversation. Second, you women travel in packs and that’s intimidating as hell. I would see one girl who was cute and seemed nice; however she would be around two or three of her friends and would be shielding her off from everyone. How am I supposed to penetrate that fortress?

Finally, towards the end of the night, we head over to Tin Roof and just see all of the hot girls there and wondering to myself, what do I really want from women currently in my life.

I feel so confused right now in many things in my life. I’ve had a mini-career crisis professionally. Actually, that sounds too harsh. I love my current job, but once I graduate from grad school next May, I have to find another one and I have a lot of potential options. I’ll save that issue for another post.

For now, I don’t know what I want from women now. Do I want to just have a sexual relationship with them? I do have physical needs that I would like to seen met. When I see a beautiful woman, I do want to have “relations” with her.

BTW, I sound like a parent trying to explain sex to a little child or a really religious person that doesn’t want to say sex.

Anyway, I would like to have sex with women. However, I just don’t want to meet some girl in a bar and hook up with her the same night. That’s not only dirty; it’s unhealthy, immature and just bad times.

So I know that I don’t want a dirty girl, that’s for sure.

I’ve written in the past that I would like to develop a friendship with a woman before anything physical went down. I still believe in that, for the most part.

I think the problem is that all of the women that I’ve confronted in the past few months each have their own quirks. Let’s break them down:

Brittany- Old friend from back home in the NYC. Care about her very much, but she’s there and I’m in Nashville. We communicate, but the distance means that we can’t date.

Alicia- Old friend from college who currently lives in Atlanta. Nice woman who I vibe with well. However, one mini-problem is that she lives in Atlanta and one major problem is that she allegedly has a boyfriend of over a year, even though she said we could hang out whenever I’m back in town.

Amber- Oh, Amber. Well, let’s see. She’s actually one of the more chill girls that I’ve met in a while, easy to talk with, digs and understands my career and is beautiful. Plus, she has a cool nickname, “Workout Girl,” and someone that everyone asks about when they mention my blog. However, she’s dating someone back in her hometown.

Joan- This one is an interesting case. I really, really like her. Joan has every characteristic in a woman that I would like to date from looks, interests and everything in between. She’s a big sports fan and likes Family Guy. I feel the most connected with her out of anybody and we’re compatible. What more could I need? She’s become a good friend over the past few months. However, she’s in a very serious relationship and I don’t want to mess with that because it’s not my place. She knows how I feel.

Lisa- She was the potential hot roommate from a while ago. I haven’t heard from her in a while.

That’s the breakdown. I just wish that for one time, I could just meet a girl, we each like each others company, and we date, develop a friendship, the physical stuff takes care of itself and go from there.

But I can’t force it. I’ve actually started this process the past week or so. While I would try to talk to each of these women every few days, I’ve stopped communicating with pretty much all of them unless I see them around. I need to create distance.

The good and bad thing about me is that I don’t attract potential prospects for a one-night hookup. I’ve never met one girl in my life that was immediately attracted to me and wanted to fool around. I guess that I’m not attractive enough for that, but I also know that I’m not ugly.

The thing that gets me is that I see jerks that are ugly, mean and can’t hold a conversation pulling women.

I’m a good looking guy, well educated, funny, smart, and easy to get along with, so what’s the issue? I get along with pretty much everybody and am friendly.

That may be the problem, I’m too friendly. Furthermore, my cousin told me that I’m too passive when it comes to women. She tells me that women want a man who takes charge and is aggressive. I’m very laid back and let things just flow, which may be an issue.

I just don't feel the pressure to hook up most of the time. However, the urge does come about at times.

That’s all for me, its time for bed, but I have two questions for you to help me out with. You can leave your answers in the comments section or just tell me when you see me around.

1) How do I pick up/meet women at a bar/club?
2) What can I do to meet/have more success with women right now in general?

For now, here’s the Four Minutes song I mentioned earlier.

When is a friendly meeting maybe a date but not a date

So when is a date not a date?

I finally had my lunch with Alicia today. It was good seeing her.

I’ve mentioned her in previous posts so I won’t go over everything again. Just read them.

I decide on a place to meet and I’m sitting outside in the hot weather trying not to sweat and look like a hot mess when she comes. I finally see Alicia and she looks beautiful, even better than she did in college. Actually, she’s always been beautiful with the cutest big brown eyes and smile. I’ve always been a fan of hers, if you know what I’m saying.

So, we hug and enter the place. I open the door for her and make sure that she sits down at the table first. Manners, fellas, manners.

Now, if you’ve read this blog, you know that my dating life isn’t the strongest, so I was actually nervous approaching this lunch. I then told Alicia that this lunch was on me to show her that I’m a baler and shot-caller, always a necessity.

We chat about what’s going on in our lives, actually I take that back. I ask Alicia questions about what’s going on in her life and just listen. One thing that I do know about dating and my interactions with women is that, and I know that it’s a stereotype, they tend to talk a lot. The funny thing is that I’m a big talker too and that’s hurt my dating in the past.

I told myself before we even met up that I would be quiet for most of the “date” and just listen to Alicia. One, I actually wanted to know what she’s been up to because she’s very interesting and two, I need to work on my listening skills and this is was great practice.

Alicia tells me about her jobs in teaching and how she’s recently become highly involved in the Presidential campaign of one of the candidates. Its either Obama or McCain, I can’t tell y’all. During all of this, I just continue to ask her questions and she’s happy to keep talking. She talks about living in Los Angeles and Atlanta, her teaching job and everything in between.

This made my job so much easier. Alicia would then ask me about what I was doing in my life and I told her about school, being an SID, sports and other things. However, I would only speak for about 10-20 seconds and bring it right back to Alicia.

The good thing about our lunch was the eye contact and body language. I kept looking right into her eyes whenever she was talking and made sure that I listened to every word that Alicia said so that I could respond accordingly. Have I mentioned how cute she is? I also made sure to not talk with my mouth full. Good things all around.

Everything is going well and we even talked about our families, since it was father’s day a few days ago. Alicia talked about her father being in Atlanta for the weekend and things like that. I even opened up about the strained relationship I have with my father and the complicated scenario that has developed. She even seemed sympathetic to all of it, but I told her and tell you that the Pourtouts/Greys work in a strange way. I never talk about my family life with outsiders accept the iconic and hero to the common man, Sean Sawyer.

Then the lunch got interesting. I started talking about how I’ve opened my life up more and stopped becoming a hermit. I mention how the Blog is a representation of this. Alicia mentioned that she reads the blog once in a while and asked me what was going on with Amber. I told her that nothing was there, we’re just friends and that I was single and just living life.

Things were going so well between us that I asked what her relationship status was. Alicia tells me that she’s officially seeing someone that she has been friends with for a long time.

I was disappointed, but not devastated. I don’t meet too many girls that I vibe with on a major level. Furthermore, Alicia knows me from the early days before I became the stud that I am today*.

I didn’t know Alicia’s dating status before we met up and even if she told me she was dating someone before we met, I would have still done the lunch. I really wanted to catch up with her in person. The key is that I came into this lunch with no expectations of anything. If I came into it with the belief that I would be meeting a future lady love of my life, I would have been sad.

However, as I’ve stated in my interactions with Amber and Joan, I don’t try to officially label things at this stage of my life.

So the bill comes and I want to make Alicia pay for her check because her meal cost more*. However, I pay for our lunches and I walk with Alicia to her car. She tells me I don’t have to walk her to her car, but I see all of the people in the movies do it, so why not me, right? We continue to talk and discuss future plans in our lives and things like that. The conversation throughout was outstanding.

Another thing I need to work on is the art of the couple walk. I was walking really fast and almost past her, however Alicia was doing this very, very slow trot so that we can talk more. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, I need your advice.

I finally walk her to her elevator she gives me another hug and tells me that it was great seeing me again. I tell her the same thing. Alicia then tells me that when I come back into Atlanta, I should give her a call so that we can get together again and alcohol should be involved. She was kidding about that last part, I think and I hope.

That my friends is how a lunch with an old friend can turn from a get together to a date to not a date to a friendly walk to a potential invitation for a pseudo date later on even though she says she has a boyfriend.

I think that covers it. It was awesome meeting up with Alicia again. However, I need to know what to make of the events today. Please leave your comments about this on the post. I want this one to start a good debate.

Several factors to consider. I live in Nashville and she lives in Atlanta. However, I’m in Atlanta often because the family lives here. I head back to the ‘Ville later this week, but will be back later in the summer.

I was watching some of the NBA Finals while doing this post, but when I saw that “Beyond the Pale” was on Comedy Central, the most awesome comedy special ever by Jim Gaffigan, it’s been on. Here’s a clip from the show, I seriously recommend this.

*just kidding

An Update on "Workout Girl" (If you see this picture, you know it ain't good!)

So I had an interesting conversation with “workout girl” today at the gym.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Amber is the girl that I always interact with in the gym who I like a lot. I even chronicled one encounter with her in a past post. Here it is: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-what-i-get-for-trying-to.html

Wow, Amber was the subject of my third-ever post back in April. Crazy stuff.

Anyway, all of this stuff has started out back in April. We crossed paths a lot at baseball games and at the Beaman. I’ve been asking her out to do something together and every time I do, something never got right. I would text her and not get a response. I would not contact her for several days and see if that was an issue. We just couldn’t connect.

We openly talked about our potential relationships outside of each other and did it in a mature manner. Amber was dating; I was talking to other girls. We were just living our lives.

However, something weird happened last weekend. I saw Amber at the Beaman on a Thursday and we were talking as usual. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee that weekend. She said yes. I told Amber that I would call her Saturday and we could pick a time.

Now, the old Marcel would have been pushy and set a date and time for Saturday on Thursday. I’m usually very aggressive when it comes to dealing with trying to date girls.

I also used to be very traditional in my views. I thought that if you liked someone, you asked them out, you went on a date, etc. However, the concept of dating has been twisted over time. It seems like people aren’t having traditional dates as much now. What are your thoughts?

So, I call Amber on Saturday morning, not too early. I leave a message on her voicemail saying hello, just calling, and the usual stuff. I didn’t hear from her so I called Saturday night, saying the same stuff. No word from Amber.

Sunday comes along and I’m relaxing at my home and I realize that it’s Sunday night and I hadn’t heard from Amber. So I shoot her a quick text message asking what’s up and if she’s ok.

On Monday morning, I get a text from her telling me that she was working all that weekend and was sorry that she didn’t call me back. Cool.

The key to our interactions is that it’s always been laid back. We’re not too serious about it. And from dealing with Joan, the girl that I have feelings for but is dating someone, I’ve learned to keep it honest with women. It’s just too demanding and a pain in the butt to have lies and deceptions and trying to act like someone you aren’t.

I said to myself that I wouldn’t talk to or call Amber for a week. I needed some distance from her. However, when you work out a lot like I do and she happens to be employed by the gym, that’s not going to happen.

I saw Amber several times and didn’t mention anything about trying to go out with her. Once again, no pressure. However, I was in the gym today and saw her and really wanted to spend time with her. I did my workout and during most of it I kept coming back to the thought that if Amber really isn’t interested in going out with me, why am I going to keep harping on trying to make it happen?

As I said, I’ve been trying to go out with Amber since April! I needed to just get an answer and some clarity. So after I lift, I go to Amber and ask her if she’s dating someone. She mentions that she likes a guy back in her hometown. We’ve talked about the guy in the past, so that wasn’t shocking at all. Amber tells me that she’s interested in him right now, isn’t single and is trying to have a long-distance relationship.

Old Marcel would have lost his mind and been sad for the rest of the weekend, wondering why there isn’t anyone out there for him, believing that he will die lonely, etc.

However, since Amber and I have kept it honest with each other, I wasn’t mad at all. I actually appreciated her honesty and telling me what she was feeling. I listened to her and respected it instead of trying to hear what I wanted to hear. There's a difference between listening and hearing.

I’m not happy with it because I still have feeling for Amber and think that she’s a great girl. We have fun together when we interact and we’ve become friends. I’m actually happy that she’s found someone that she’s vibed with. I really am. If she’s happier with her boyfriend then potentially unhappy with me, be happy Amber. Also, she’s very cute and that’s always a good thing.

I’ve reached an interesting phase of interaction with women in my life the past few months.

With Amber and especially Joan, I’m accepted trying to know a girl for more than just seeing her, being attracted to her and then wanting to date her immediately. I’ve taken a step back and tried to let things happen in an eased pace.

It’s different for me because I’m someone who likes to pursue things immediately, whether I need them or not. However, when dealing with women it’s a different deal.

Looking back on the old me, I forced many potential relationships with my aggressiveness and that ruined any chance of something special developing. I guess I was looking for some quick and simple gratification, that’s what she said. Let me stop.

Point being that you can’t force a relationship with a woman. She has her own life and she isn’t going to force anything into it that isn’t necessary. I’ve made the mistake of assuming that women have a lot of free time and are looking for someone like me to fill that time and I suffocate them.

That’s not how it is. For a potential relationship to work, each of us must balance our own times before we can incorporate anyone else into it.

Where do I go from here? Do I secretly pine for Amber or even Joan to break up with their boyfriends and come running to me? Sure, if they wanted to hang out with me and take it to another level, I’m cool with that.

However, I’m going to keep flowing with life and see where it takes my relationships with women. Hopefully, if I meet someone and we want to date each other, we’ll be ready for each other and things can go from there.

Lets just all hope it doesn’t take two months this time.

Here's some Genesis for your viewing pleasure.

Let's get a cup of coffee "or something"

On our way to Florida, the baseball team and I watched some Seinfeld episodes and that was good times. One of the episodes was about the time that George asked out a waitress at their coffee shop. So they are out on their date and they are just walking and talking in Central Park when George starts talking about horse manure. She then mentions something about her boyfriend. George then talks to Jerry about how he was duped. George says that he told her that they should go out or something. Anyway, the “or something” part was decided to declare the event a date.

I turned to Ross, aka the Tennessee Tornado, and the Tornado and I shook our head and acknowledged that this has happened to us in the past.

The last time that I misinterpreted interaction with a girl happened earlier this year. For the sake of this post, we’ll call her Joan, because I know that she reads this blog often and some of you may know her.

So I met Joan in January and I immediately thought she was cute and had a cool attitude. We had to go to an event off-campus one day and after it was over, we spoke near her car and I was actually getting a positive vibe from her. I asked her if she wanted to go out to coffee or something. Sound familiar?

Joan said that she would like to and I sealed it with one of my patented bear hugs. One advantage to being a big man is that I give good hugs. The ladies love hugs, just don’t hold them too long because they start to get creeped out. If you want advice on hugs, just ask me.

Anyway, Joan and I start exchanging e-mails and even start making lists together, including the top-five albums that was the focus of a post I made last month. Go ahead, check out the post. Just come back.

So, throughout all of this, there is no mention of a boyfriend.

I mention something to Joan about her Facebook profile because she mentions that she likes a sports website I visit often as well.

I send Joan an e-mail telling her that I like the web site too. Joan responds that her boyfriend recommended it to her.

Really, a boyfriend!?!

I tried to play it off cool and when we saw each other later, I actually apologized to her for hitting on her and wanting to go out with her. Joan said that she just forgot to mention the boyfriend in our previous interactions.

Joan and I have actually become friends over the past few months, still do lists together, even though she owes me one, and actually keep in touch with each other more now then when we first started talking to each other. I’ve actually met the boyfriend and it was an interesting meeting to say the least.

Out of respect to him, I’ve kept it friendly with Joan because I don’t pursue someone else’s woman, even though I think very highly of her. Actually, since I haven’t been trying to date Joan, we’ve gotten to know each other better because I care about how she’s doing.

Every few days, I send Joan a text message to ask about her and make sure she’s feeling good. I do this because I really care about her as a friend.

So, in the end, getting swerved by Joan was a good thing because I made a good friend in the process. However, if she ever broke up with her boyfriend, I would like to finally have that cup of coffee or something.