So I had an interesting conversation with “workout girl” today at the gym.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Amber is the girl that I always interact with in the gym who I like a lot. I even chronicled one encounter with her in a past post. Here it is: http://pourtoutpancakes.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-what-i-get-for-trying-to.html
Wow, Amber was the subject of my third-ever post back in April. Crazy stuff.
Anyway, all of this stuff has started out back in April. We crossed paths a lot at baseball games and at the Beaman. I’ve been asking her out to do something together and every time I do, something never got right. I would text her and not get a response. I would not contact her for several days and see if that was an issue. We just couldn’t connect.
We openly talked about our potential relationships outside of each other and did it in a mature manner. Amber was dating; I was talking to other girls. We were just living our lives.
However, something weird happened last weekend. I saw Amber at the Beaman on a Thursday and we were talking as usual. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee that weekend. She said yes. I told Amber that I would call her Saturday and we could pick a time.
Now, the old Marcel would have been pushy and set a date and time for Saturday on Thursday. I’m usually very aggressive when it comes to dealing with trying to date girls.
I also used to be very traditional in my views. I thought that if you liked someone, you asked them out, you went on a date, etc. However, the concept of dating has been twisted over time. It seems like people aren’t having traditional dates as much now. What are your thoughts?
So, I call Amber on Saturday morning, not too early. I leave a message on her voicemail saying hello, just calling, and the usual stuff. I didn’t hear from her so I called Saturday night, saying the same stuff. No word from Amber.
Sunday comes along and I’m relaxing at my home and I realize that it’s Sunday night and I hadn’t heard from Amber. So I shoot her a quick text message asking what’s up and if she’s ok.
On Monday morning, I get a text from her telling me that she was working all that weekend and was sorry that she didn’t call me back. Cool.
The key to our interactions is that it’s always been laid back. We’re not too serious about it. And from dealing with Joan, the girl that I have feelings for but is dating someone, I’ve learned to keep it honest with women. It’s just too demanding and a pain in the butt to have lies and deceptions and trying to act like someone you aren’t.
I said to myself that I wouldn’t talk to or call Amber for a week. I needed some distance from her. However, when you work out a lot like I do and she happens to be employed by the gym, that’s not going to happen.
I saw Amber several times and didn’t mention anything about trying to go out with her. Once again, no pressure. However, I was in the gym today and saw her and really wanted to spend time with her. I did my workout and during most of it I kept coming back to the thought that if Amber really isn’t interested in going out with me, why am I going to keep harping on trying to make it happen?
As I said, I’ve been trying to go out with Amber since April! I needed to just get an answer and some clarity. So after I lift, I go to Amber and ask her if she’s dating someone. She mentions that she likes a guy back in her hometown. We’ve talked about the guy in the past, so that wasn’t shocking at all. Amber tells me that she’s interested in him right now, isn’t single and is trying to have a long-distance relationship.
Old Marcel would have lost his mind and been sad for the rest of the weekend, wondering why there isn’t anyone out there for him, believing that he will die lonely, etc.
However, since Amber and I have kept it honest with each other, I wasn’t mad at all. I actually appreciated her honesty and telling me what she was feeling. I listened to her and respected it instead of trying to hear what I wanted to hear. There's a difference between listening and hearing.
I’m not happy with it because I still have feeling for Amber and think that she’s a great girl. We have fun together when we interact and we’ve become friends. I’m actually happy that she’s found someone that she’s vibed with. I really am. If she’s happier with her boyfriend then potentially unhappy with me, be happy Amber. Also, she’s very cute and that’s always a good thing.
I’ve reached an interesting phase of interaction with women in my life the past few months.
With Amber and especially Joan, I’m accepted trying to know a girl for more than just seeing her, being attracted to her and then wanting to date her immediately. I’ve taken a step back and tried to let things happen in an eased pace.
It’s different for me because I’m someone who likes to pursue things immediately, whether I need them or not. However, when dealing with women it’s a different deal.
Looking back on the old me, I forced many potential relationships with my aggressiveness and that ruined any chance of something special developing. I guess I was looking for some quick and simple gratification, that’s what she said. Let me stop.
Point being that you can’t force a relationship with a woman. She has her own life and she isn’t going to force anything into it that isn’t necessary. I’ve made the mistake of assuming that women have a lot of free time and are looking for someone like me to fill that time and I suffocate them.
That’s not how it is. For a potential relationship to work, each of us must balance our own times before we can incorporate anyone else into it.
Where do I go from here? Do I secretly pine for Amber or even Joan to break up with their boyfriends and come running to me? Sure, if they wanted to hang out with me and take it to another level, I’m cool with that.
However, I’m going to keep flowing with life and see where it takes my relationships with women. Hopefully, if I meet someone and we want to date each other, we’ll be ready for each other and things can go from there.
Lets just all hope it doesn’t take two months this time.
Here's some Genesis for your viewing pleasure.
