Why I left the NYC...

That picture above was taken at a recent baseball game between the New York Mets and the Florida Marlins in Miami. The Marlins fans were giving the Mets fans who attended a hard time. As a New Yorker living in the south, I completely agree with the sign.

Nothing annoys me more than northeasterners who move down here to the South and complain. There is this cult of people who move from New York, Philly, Boston, Connecticut and other cities who come down here to places like Nashville and Miami and talk about how their original cities do everything better.

I love my hometown and everything but there’s a reason I got the heck out of there the first chance I had.

When I moved to the south full-time back in 1999 after growing up in New York City, I really had many preconceived notions about moving here. I heard all of the stereotypical stuff about people in the South being slow and racist, along with not having stuff to do. I was brainwashed like many other northerners, especially New Yorkers, that the only place worth living was New York. However, I was a unique case before I started college in Nashville.

The entire mother side of my family is from South Carolina so I would spend my summers as a youth in that state, incorporating myself into the culture. My big incorporation into the South came in the early 1990’s when my brother moved to Atlanta from Washington, D.C.

My brother Troy and his wife moved to Atlanta back in 1991 or 1992. Now, this was Atlanta before the Olympics in 1996. That city has changed so much from back then to what it is today. I would go there in the summer and it was a great time. I loved being out in nature, sitting in the back yard, just relaxing. It was so different then New York, where there was so much stress.

The biggest difference was the people. In New York, everyone stayed to themselves and never looked at each other. People were scared to make eye contact with another person in fear of pissing them off and causing a problem. New Yorkers were also rude and would shove each other in the street to get somewhere. I would do this too.

However, in Atlanta, it was different. I would be at Kroger or Home Depot and people would just walk past me and say hello. The first few times this happened freaked me out. Why were strangers coming up to me to say something? Was I supposed to ignore them or talk with them? I wasn’t sure.

Eventually I learned how to communicate with the people properly and truly enjoyed myself. I had the feeling that I wanted to stay in Atlanta as long as I could. However, I had to go back to New York and was sad.

By the time I started high school in 1995, I was over New York. The pace of the city wore on me. I liked the cultural aspects of the city and my family was there, but I wanted to move on.

When I started applying to colleges, all of my friends were trying to stay in the northeast, but I was having none of it. I was looking at schools like Emory, Duke, Georgia Tech, Miami, Virginia, North Carolina and of course, Vanderbilt. Everyone was questioning me for looking at these schools, especially Vandy because it wasn’t a known commodity in the NYC at that time. I did my research, saw that it was close to Atlanta and applied.

After getting accepted to Vandy and getting rejected by Duke and Emory (those bastards! Just kidding, it’s been nearly ten years. I’ve gotten over it), I made my first trip to Nashville and loved it. Nice weather, clean air, grass, I was all over it.

So I’ve been down here ten years and have no aspirations to head back to the northeast anytime soon.

There are really no differences between major southern cities like Nashville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Tampa, New Orleans, Cincinnati and northern powers like the NYC, Boston and Philly.

1) Technology and job expansions. There was a time where all of the major corporations and jobs were located in the Northeast. However, starting in the mid-1990’s companies were going into the southeast because of cheaper land, lighter taxes and weaker expenses. Then with the development of the Internet, especially e-mail, has made communication so much easier. Instead of having to be in the NYC for all of the meetings, you can set up calls, e-mail exchanges and video broadcasts and get the same things taken care of.

2) Sports expansion. Back in the olden days (1980’s), the only southern teams that were truly acknowledged were the Atlanta Braves and Falcons. However with the inclusion of teams like the Carolina Panthers, Atlanta Thrashers, Tampa Bay Rays, Tennessee Titans, Nashville Predators and several others, people have more chances to see their northern, Midwestern and west coast teams.

Say you’re a New Yorker in Nashville like me. I can see my SUPER BOWL WINNING CHAMPIONS (sorry!) Giants play the Titans or the Bengals and Falcons, each three hours away. I can see my Mets play the Reds or Braves. I can see my Rangers play the Predators or Thrashers. I can see my Knicks play the Hawks. You get the idea.

To further expand on this point, cable broadcasting and internet coverage of sports has made it possible for anybody, anywhere to follow the team. I haven’t been to a Mets game in nearly ten years but I can watch every single one of their games if I wanted. That wasn’t happening 20 years ago.

What I’m saying is that being a Knicks fan in New York and in Tampa is really not that much different.

From a dating prospective, it has been a pleasure dealing with southern women. This may have to be a subject for another post, but northeastern women can be a bear to deal with. I used to joke that you needed a resume to get a hello out of a New York girl. That may not be far from the truth.

The one thing that I do miss is the food. I was speaking with the leader of the Demon Deacon Movement, Mr. McMahon, and he talked about his recent trip to the Northeast and the good food he had there, including pizza.

He asked me if I’ve had a good bagel in Nashville.

The one thing that the NYC brought to me was great food. I loved heading to the bakery and getting bagels, rolls and other types of bread. New York just has so many options in that regard.

Another thing that I was a big fan of was the butcher. This isn’t a New York thing, but my mother and I would head out there and get different cuts of meat. It was a great thing.

Anyway, in the NYC I could get bagels, knishes, Chinese food from Chinatown, Italian food from Little Italy, great Mexican food, soul food from Harlem, Jamaican food in Brooklyn and so many other examples. I was even down with some Kosher food in my neighborhood which had a majority of Jewish people.

I just can’t find a place to get some of these things.

BTW, if you live or are familiar with getting some of these foods in Nashville, hook a brother up.

I will say that I haven’t found that perfect piece of pizza here. If I don’t find it, just like love, I’m OK with it.

Screw that! If it came down to eternal love with a special lady friend or a perfect slice of pizza, I would have to think about it for a while.

For now, here’s some Janet Jackson videos I came across today. These three songs are probably my favorite songs from her, but the list is long. The first video features an appearance from a future star in her own right and was the jam to try to get girls closer to you when it came out. The second song has a rock feel to it, so you know I'm down. The third one came out when I was a young boy and I watched it and was silent. I never saw such a beautiful woman in just a simple top and jeans.

Songs that missed the cut were Miss You Much and Rhythm Nation, Escapade, I can go on for days on this one.

...So I'm at the bar (this is a positive post, I promise)

This was supposed to be my first drunk post in the grand tradition of the drunk dial or the new popular drunk text message, but I’ve sobered up through the evening or early morning.

This is definitely the latest post that I’ve ever done.

I just got back from a night out in Nashville with my boys and a lady friend. We went to several places downtown including McFadden’s and ended the evening at my favorite reflective place, Tin Roof.

The reason that I call it my favorite reflective place is that I always think of post topics there, like this one. But I have to hit on some things first:

-The ladies of Nashville are outstanding. I saw some amazing women out there with all types of looks. Big, small, black, white, blond, brunette, big butts, small butts, strong upper bodies, small upper bodies and everything in between. The scenery was great.

-It was good to hear some good dance/rap music. I usually stick to my hard rock/progressive music; however, it was good to hear some jams blasting in the club. That Justin Timberlake/Madonna song Four Minutes is the truth.

-I honestly have no idea how to approach women, at least in a bar. I’m a social guy and can hold a good conversation but I need to get a start. There are two problems with bars in this area. One, the music is way, way too loud. I hate having to shout over people to have a conversation. Second, you women travel in packs and that’s intimidating as hell. I would see one girl who was cute and seemed nice; however she would be around two or three of her friends and would be shielding her off from everyone. How am I supposed to penetrate that fortress?

Finally, towards the end of the night, we head over to Tin Roof and just see all of the hot girls there and wondering to myself, what do I really want from women currently in my life.

I feel so confused right now in many things in my life. I’ve had a mini-career crisis professionally. Actually, that sounds too harsh. I love my current job, but once I graduate from grad school next May, I have to find another one and I have a lot of potential options. I’ll save that issue for another post.

For now, I don’t know what I want from women now. Do I want to just have a sexual relationship with them? I do have physical needs that I would like to seen met. When I see a beautiful woman, I do want to have “relations” with her.

BTW, I sound like a parent trying to explain sex to a little child or a really religious person that doesn’t want to say sex.

Anyway, I would like to have sex with women. However, I just don’t want to meet some girl in a bar and hook up with her the same night. That’s not only dirty; it’s unhealthy, immature and just bad times.

So I know that I don’t want a dirty girl, that’s for sure.

I’ve written in the past that I would like to develop a friendship with a woman before anything physical went down. I still believe in that, for the most part.

I think the problem is that all of the women that I’ve confronted in the past few months each have their own quirks. Let’s break them down:

Brittany- Old friend from back home in the NYC. Care about her very much, but she’s there and I’m in Nashville. We communicate, but the distance means that we can’t date.

Alicia- Old friend from college who currently lives in Atlanta. Nice woman who I vibe with well. However, one mini-problem is that she lives in Atlanta and one major problem is that she allegedly has a boyfriend of over a year, even though she said we could hang out whenever I’m back in town.

Amber- Oh, Amber. Well, let’s see. She’s actually one of the more chill girls that I’ve met in a while, easy to talk with, digs and understands my career and is beautiful. Plus, she has a cool nickname, “Workout Girl,” and someone that everyone asks about when they mention my blog. However, she’s dating someone back in her hometown.

Joan- This one is an interesting case. I really, really like her. Joan has every characteristic in a woman that I would like to date from looks, interests and everything in between. She’s a big sports fan and likes Family Guy. I feel the most connected with her out of anybody and we’re compatible. What more could I need? She’s become a good friend over the past few months. However, she’s in a very serious relationship and I don’t want to mess with that because it’s not my place. She knows how I feel.

Lisa- She was the potential hot roommate from a while ago. I haven’t heard from her in a while.

That’s the breakdown. I just wish that for one time, I could just meet a girl, we each like each others company, and we date, develop a friendship, the physical stuff takes care of itself and go from there.

But I can’t force it. I’ve actually started this process the past week or so. While I would try to talk to each of these women every few days, I’ve stopped communicating with pretty much all of them unless I see them around. I need to create distance.

The good and bad thing about me is that I don’t attract potential prospects for a one-night hookup. I’ve never met one girl in my life that was immediately attracted to me and wanted to fool around. I guess that I’m not attractive enough for that, but I also know that I’m not ugly.

The thing that gets me is that I see jerks that are ugly, mean and can’t hold a conversation pulling women.

I’m a good looking guy, well educated, funny, smart, and easy to get along with, so what’s the issue? I get along with pretty much everybody and am friendly.

That may be the problem, I’m too friendly. Furthermore, my cousin told me that I’m too passive when it comes to women. She tells me that women want a man who takes charge and is aggressive. I’m very laid back and let things just flow, which may be an issue.

I just don't feel the pressure to hook up most of the time. However, the urge does come about at times.

That’s all for me, its time for bed, but I have two questions for you to help me out with. You can leave your answers in the comments section or just tell me when you see me around.

1) How do I pick up/meet women at a bar/club?
2) What can I do to meet/have more success with women right now in general?

For now, here’s the Four Minutes song I mentioned earlier.

When is a friendly meeting maybe a date but not a date

So when is a date not a date?

I finally had my lunch with Alicia today. It was good seeing her.

I’ve mentioned her in previous posts so I won’t go over everything again. Just read them.

I decide on a place to meet and I’m sitting outside in the hot weather trying not to sweat and look like a hot mess when she comes. I finally see Alicia and she looks beautiful, even better than she did in college. Actually, she’s always been beautiful with the cutest big brown eyes and smile. I’ve always been a fan of hers, if you know what I’m saying.

So, we hug and enter the place. I open the door for her and make sure that she sits down at the table first. Manners, fellas, manners.

Now, if you’ve read this blog, you know that my dating life isn’t the strongest, so I was actually nervous approaching this lunch. I then told Alicia that this lunch was on me to show her that I’m a baler and shot-caller, always a necessity.

We chat about what’s going on in our lives, actually I take that back. I ask Alicia questions about what’s going on in her life and just listen. One thing that I do know about dating and my interactions with women is that, and I know that it’s a stereotype, they tend to talk a lot. The funny thing is that I’m a big talker too and that’s hurt my dating in the past.

I told myself before we even met up that I would be quiet for most of the “date” and just listen to Alicia. One, I actually wanted to know what she’s been up to because she’s very interesting and two, I need to work on my listening skills and this is was great practice.

Alicia tells me about her jobs in teaching and how she’s recently become highly involved in the Presidential campaign of one of the candidates. Its either Obama or McCain, I can’t tell y’all. During all of this, I just continue to ask her questions and she’s happy to keep talking. She talks about living in Los Angeles and Atlanta, her teaching job and everything in between.

This made my job so much easier. Alicia would then ask me about what I was doing in my life and I told her about school, being an SID, sports and other things. However, I would only speak for about 10-20 seconds and bring it right back to Alicia.

The good thing about our lunch was the eye contact and body language. I kept looking right into her eyes whenever she was talking and made sure that I listened to every word that Alicia said so that I could respond accordingly. Have I mentioned how cute she is? I also made sure to not talk with my mouth full. Good things all around.

Everything is going well and we even talked about our families, since it was father’s day a few days ago. Alicia talked about her father being in Atlanta for the weekend and things like that. I even opened up about the strained relationship I have with my father and the complicated scenario that has developed. She even seemed sympathetic to all of it, but I told her and tell you that the Pourtouts/Greys work in a strange way. I never talk about my family life with outsiders accept the iconic and hero to the common man, Sean Sawyer.

Then the lunch got interesting. I started talking about how I’ve opened my life up more and stopped becoming a hermit. I mention how the Blog is a representation of this. Alicia mentioned that she reads the blog once in a while and asked me what was going on with Amber. I told her that nothing was there, we’re just friends and that I was single and just living life.

Things were going so well between us that I asked what her relationship status was. Alicia tells me that she’s officially seeing someone that she has been friends with for a long time.

I was disappointed, but not devastated. I don’t meet too many girls that I vibe with on a major level. Furthermore, Alicia knows me from the early days before I became the stud that I am today*.

I didn’t know Alicia’s dating status before we met up and even if she told me she was dating someone before we met, I would have still done the lunch. I really wanted to catch up with her in person. The key is that I came into this lunch with no expectations of anything. If I came into it with the belief that I would be meeting a future lady love of my life, I would have been sad.

However, as I’ve stated in my interactions with Amber and Joan, I don’t try to officially label things at this stage of my life.

So the bill comes and I want to make Alicia pay for her check because her meal cost more*. However, I pay for our lunches and I walk with Alicia to her car. She tells me I don’t have to walk her to her car, but I see all of the people in the movies do it, so why not me, right? We continue to talk and discuss future plans in our lives and things like that. The conversation throughout was outstanding.

Another thing I need to work on is the art of the couple walk. I was walking really fast and almost past her, however Alicia was doing this very, very slow trot so that we can talk more. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, I need your advice.

I finally walk her to her elevator she gives me another hug and tells me that it was great seeing me again. I tell her the same thing. Alicia then tells me that when I come back into Atlanta, I should give her a call so that we can get together again and alcohol should be involved. She was kidding about that last part, I think and I hope.

That my friends is how a lunch with an old friend can turn from a get together to a date to not a date to a friendly walk to a potential invitation for a pseudo date later on even though she says she has a boyfriend.

I think that covers it. It was awesome meeting up with Alicia again. However, I need to know what to make of the events today. Please leave your comments about this on the post. I want this one to start a good debate.

Several factors to consider. I live in Nashville and she lives in Atlanta. However, I’m in Atlanta often because the family lives here. I head back to the ‘Ville later this week, but will be back later in the summer.

I was watching some of the NBA Finals while doing this post, but when I saw that “Beyond the Pale” was on Comedy Central, the most awesome comedy special ever by Jim Gaffigan, it’s been on. Here’s a clip from the show, I seriously recommend this.

*just kidding

Who has two thumbs and is now 27? Etienne Marcel Pourtout, I thought we met!

This will be the first and last post that I feature a picture of only me, but hey, its my birthday, so why not.

Also, my mother always taught me to always wear a tie on photo IDs and smile. So that cheesy smile you see, that’s for the mother. I do look extra happy in that picture. Good stuff.

First, I feel blessed to have made it this far. I thank the parents, Barbara and even the original Marcel, my dad for raising me.

OK, Kenisha told me about my passive-aggressive nature and that last statement sounded like that. I thank both of my parents equally for raising me.

I feel happiness that my family has been able to see me have successes in my life even though I feel like I have so much more to accomplish. I’ve always been fortunate to have the unconditional support of my family and not everyone has that.

I’m grateful to my brothers, Troy and Denny, my sister, Aline, who I’m trying to get to know better, and my sister-in-law only in term, Angie. She’s been my big sister since she married my brother and none of that in-law crap. Each of them has been a tremendous influence and I’m grateful that they’re in my life.

I’m also grateful for my countless cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews that have been amazing to me. If any of you are reading this, thanks for everything.

I have so many friends here in Nashville from Belmont to Vandy and everywhere in between. I’m happy that I’ve been able to find a place of happiness at Belmont. I don’t think my co-workers or people in my Belmont family realize how much I was struggling with stuff in my life before I came back to Nashville in August. But through their acceptance of me, I’m in a better place.

I still have my friends in Charleston, Atlanta and the NYC. I’m happy to have lived in all of these places and met great people along the way.

I’m happy to work in sports. I get paid to watch games and work with athletes, can’t complain about that.

I’m happy to have good health. I’ve woken up every day for 27 years and can walk and talk and be fully functional by myself. That’s not guaranteed in any of our lives.

This has been one of my harder posts to write because I’m focusing exclusively on myself. Yes, every other post I’ve written has included me in it, but I feel that when I’m telling each of you about events in my life, I’m telling you stories. Everything I write here is completely true, because I just have to keep it honest with you if I’m going to keep it honest with myself.

Usually, when my birthday approaches, Mr. Grumpy emerges and makes me seem miserable to others around me. Some may think that I’m unhappy that my birthday is approaching and honestly, there were some years that I was. The reason that I was is that I compared myself with the traditional rites of passage that each age represents.

From birthdays three through 18, I was expecting a traditional birthday party with balloons, friends, family and some awesome cake. Scratch that, pie and sweet punch, sweet, sweet punch. However, I never had a birthday party.

When I turned 21, I was expecting to have had a girlfriend by then and a car, but I ended up spending the day alone at my brother’s house with no friends. When I turned 25, I was expecting to be married, celebrating the day with a wife, friends and family, but I was alone once again.

What I’ve realized is that I can’t compare my life to others. I have to live my own life. If I judged myself against some of my friends, I’m a failure. While people are starting families, buying homes and have traditional jobs with security, I’m where I’m at now. I’m a 27-year old graduate student actually taking on more debt, live on an air mattress (which is very comfortable by the way), and literally live check to check, work long, isolated hours for not much money and live hours away from the nearest family member. But I’m happy.

I’m happy to go to a place where I like working. I’m happy to be involved in sports. I’m happy to be in a city like Nashville. I’m happy to have friends like each of you.

I’m happy to the Tennessee Tornado, Josh, BK, Meggie, Sean, Gerard, Jared, Liz, George D., Sarah T., Joel, Erica C., Bari and many others for reading this blog consistently. I also have to thank Kenisha for encouraging me to start this blog from my initial ‘Pancakes’ e-mails.

Another thing that a birthday makes me do is reflect on the many good times of my life, but the biggest thing that I have to be happy for is that I was raised in a Christian household because it has been the basis for the guy that each of you know now.

I can be a better Christian just like I can be a better employee, a better physical being, a better writer. However, growing up the way that I did made me humble and content with seeking internal happiness.

There have been low moments in my life for sure, but the ones that I look back on now and are grateful that they happened. Like when I applied to law schools for three straight years and didn’t get accepted to any one of them. Or taking the LSAT three times and not improving my score. Or almost getting kicked out of Vandy after first semester of freshman year for grades. Or barely graduating college in general. Or graduating college and not having a job and having to take an unpaid internship at a magazine. Or at times not having a girlfriend all of these years.

All of those events made me realize what I wanted and needed in my life. It has taught me to be grateful to have my needs filled and to have the ability to seek my wants.

Needs and wants is what it comes down to. My needs like a home, a job, health are all filled. My wants like a nice car, girlfriends, money will all come if I stay on a positive path.

If I had no struggles in my life, I wouldn’t be the determined person that I am today. The worst people to me are the ones that act cocky, are full of themselves and are constantly reminding you of what they’ve done to try to impress you.

I believe in internal confidence and being content with yourself. I also believe in being nice and in karma. If you act like an ass to others, it will come back to you.

Sorry that I’ve started rambling but I’ll end it with this.

My main reason for living is to bring positivism to each of you and to the world in general. I don’t want to disappoint my family with my actions. I want to be a good son, a good brother, a good uncle, a good cousin, a good nephew, a good friend. I want to be a good person for my friends to talk to and interact with, I want to be a good family member. Funny thing is that all of those wants are needs as well.

The main reason that I write this blog is two-folded. I feel that I need to write this blog for my personal growth as a man. Some of my stories and events that I write about may seem lame. You may not like my NBA articles, why I don’t trust animals or why I’m so worried about the women I interact with. However, each of those events makes me reflect on myself and makes me work on being a better person.

The second reason is that I want you to read my posts and maybe relate it to something in your life and help you become a better person. Maybe you read one of my posts and it reminds you of a positive or negative time of your life and it can make you work on being a better person. That’s the goal because we don’t have as much time on this earth as we think.

I’m 27, but honestly, I really only expect to have about 25-30 more years in my life. I know people are living longer and things like that and that’s great. However, I’m reaching the midpoint of my life and I realize this. This doesn’t mean that I should stop living. I just know that this can all end tomorrow.

So if you’re reading this post, first thanks for making it this far. But more importantly, take stock of your life. Are you where you want to be? Do you have your needs and wants in order? Have you been a good person and been a positive force in someone’s life? If the answer to any of these are no, that’s OK. In fact, its more than OK, its normal.

I’m not perfect, far from it. I don’t deserve everything that I’ve gotten, both good and bad in my life. But we’re dealt the cards of life and we have to accept it. And as I celebrate this glorious day, I like my hand and putting my chips all in for the rest of my life.