Sunday Reflections (workout)

I got some good workouts in this week, just continuing to get into shape. I don’t expect to become a superstar bodybuilder, but I’m just trying to get healthy. I love heading to the gym and getting a good sweat in and focusing on my tasks.

When I first used to go the gym consistently, it was in college a few years ago. My school had a great gym facility and I would go in there and do some cardio and lift some weights for the heck of it. There was no focus, no dedication. I would do some lifting and then eat some unhealthy stuff at the cafeteria. It was just a cyclical process that produced non-positive results for me and this would just make me unhappy.

Through the years since then, I’ve had times of heading to the gym consistently and not really producing the results that I want. Thinking back on it, I didn’t accept the process of working out like I do now, which includes in and out of the gym.

The three biggest mistakes that I would have in relation to my workouts was that (1) my diet before and after my workout was unacceptable, (2) I worked out angry and (3) I let a scale determine success.

Let’s start with the first one. I’ve been able to produce some positive and tangible physical and mental results the past two months because I stick to a relatively stern diet during my required workout days, Monday-Friday and optional Saturday. First, I drink a full gallon of water that day. It looks funny for me to carry around a plastic container full of water wherever I go, but I must keep my body hydrated and continue to have fluids in me. The eating plan is pretty simple. Wake up in the morning, have some water, eat one banana or fruit in general, have some water, lift, have some more water, eat a bowl of oatmeal about an hour after lift, water, have a light dinner of a grilled meat, pasta and vegetables, minimal seasoning on the meat, have some more water, relax, water, if I get hungry at night I’ll have another bowl of oatmeal, stop eating food by nine PM and then get some rest. There are of course variations to this, but this works for me.

The second one, I don’t work out angry anymore. I used to go into the gym and try to get out all of my aggressions in a negative manner. That would burn me out and this wasn’t a good thing. Now, I try to channel my negative emotions into positive focus for my workouts. I may have my IPod on in the gym and look like I’m going to punch out the first person that talks to me, but its focus on my goals/tasks for that day. The song rotation on my IPod would be songs that made me pissed and think of all the negative things in my life. Now, there are some songs that have good, reflective music. Some Pantera is still in there, but not as much.

Which brings me to my third former mistake.

I used to check out the scales everyday to see how much weight I’ve lost and let that be a measurement of my success/failures in the gym. I do go on a scale once in a while to see where I’m at and there have been some positives. I’m around 30-40 pounds lighter then I was in college and since I’ve started working at Belmont in August of last year, I’m down about 20, sometimes 25 depending on my water weight. People come up to me and tell me that I look thinner, which is appreciated. However, no disrespect, it’s in one ear and out the other.

The whole goal of this isn’t to be thinner; it’s to achieve a healthier lifestyle both physically and mentally.

Having less weight has some tremendous benefits of course for my future. Long story short, if I want to live longer, I need to lose more weight. I’m also not going to lie and tell you that I don’t look in the mirror and check myself out sometimes and see the progress. It’s noticeable. Also, the ladies notice also, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

But the working out is just part of a longer process. I work out, eat right and try to achieve a balanced life so that I can be healthy and build mental self-confidence. When I work out and feel nutritionally sound, it makes me feel better, I work better at my job and I’m a better person overall who can make positive contributions to this world.

However, all of this is a process. So when someone complements me on my body, I pretty much ignore it respectfully because I know that this whole thing is a lot more than being able to fit my jeans better or wearing smaller shirts. The physical benefits are just a monetary result of striving to achieve a greater being.

I would also get mad if I had a bad workout and let it ruin my day and let it affect me. Now, I realize that I’m human and I will just try to do better the next time.

Will I ever find this being? Maybe, maybe not. But I’ve come to this resolution.

I’ve also slowly come to grips with my body. I’m never going to be skinny; I just don’t have the body type for that. I have a large frame. I’m also a few inches shorter than I would like to be. I’ll be 6’2’’ one day, right?

Its funny that smaller guys come up to me and say that they wish they had my frame and I tell them sometimes I wish I had theirs.

It’s really about self-confidence and working with what God gave you physically and accepting it mentally. That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m not perfect with this concept, but I’ll keep trying.

For now, here’s a song that I listen to in my final stretch at the end of every one of my workouts. I still listen to some heavy rock music during my workout, but I also like to throw some slow tempo songs in there too for that balance. Tears for Fears was the truth back in the day.

My moment of Zen

Yesterday, I wanted to work out but the gym at Belmont was closed. I decided to take a light walk down Belmont Boulevard towards Lipscomb like I usually do. I stopped at the Shell gas station and turned around to head home. However, it was early and I wasn’t tired, so I decided to walk past Belmont and on to 21st Avenue. I kept walking and decided to just check out Peabody at Vanderbilt.

Even though I’ve been back in Nashville for nearly a year, I haven’t been to the Peabody side of Vandy’s campus. So I headed over there and it’s just as beautiful as it has always been.

I lived on Peabody my sophomore year at East, one of the dorms. Since I was an English major, I had no classes on Peabody and had to walk to main campus everyday, which could be an experience when the weather wasn’t great. Furthermore, it was isolated from main campus and the true fun party spots of my friends, Towers and the Highlands. That was probably my second saddest year in college, besides freshman year. Freshman year was a bitch. Anyway, another subject for another post.

The best part of living at Peabody was the beauty of the campus. If you haven’t been on to the campus and live in Nashville, I seriously recommend it.

I get to Peabody and it’s completely silent but just as beautiful as I remember it. As an undergrad, I would sit out on the grass for hours and just chill. It was so relaxing. I didn’t sit on the grass this time, but I did find a bench and just reflect.

I thought back to all of those good and bad times as an undergrad, so many that I won’t list them here.

Usually my mind is working overtime in every moment and there isn’t a moment of silence, until yesterday. I sat on that bench, turned off my IPod and just stared out on the open field and nothing happened.

I sat there and didn’t think about school, work, women, sports, bills, or anything else. It’s hard to describe when you get that moment of Zen or something like that. I didn’t want to laugh or cry or make a sound. I wanted to sit there for hours and do nothing.

It was an amazing moment.

Then, I felt so blessed and fortunate to be back in Nashville going to school to pursue my dreams. I also realized that I’m happy to be near college campuses.

Whenever I’m at Vandy or Belmont, I get a happy feeling being on a college campus with fellow young people each of us pursuing our dreams. Some are here for athletics, some for academics, some want to party. However, all of us are there for goals and that translates to the employees at a campus.

This is why I want to work in college athletics. I know that college athletics, including the NCAA, has major issues, but I like working with and for young people. It’s not the same with professional teams. I just don’t see myself working with a professional team or organization. I’ll get into this topic later.

I thought about all of this, looked at the sky, thought it was going to rain and then walked back home.

The moment was short, but worth it.

I know that all of you don’t have access to a college campus, but you are near a park or something of natural elements. Take advantage of that opportunity.

Here's some chill music for your mind and soul.

This will be THE SUMMER of Marcel!

What’s going on people?

Today was an unusual day because it was the first day since mid-February that I didn’t do anything with the Belmont baseball team. It was weird having a day off from them.

Actually, I woke up at around 8 a.m. this morning and was bored out of my mind. So, I headed over to the office and actually some of the baseball players turning in their equipment. I then went to the office and uploaded some information on my computer. Then I realized something.

I’ve become addicted to my work.

Here I was on Memorial Day, a national holiday, coming into the office to do work when my graduate assistantship officially ended when the baseball season ended. I’m not supposed to come back to work until August and yet I was sitting in that office about to do some work.

I couldn’t take a day off and not think about my job.

The cliché thing would be for me to say that I have extreme dedication to my job and that I live my life for my work and these would be good things. But that’s not a good thing.

I do need to find a job for the next few months to offset some expenses until I return to work on August. However, I’m tempted to just do nothing and relax for a bit. I need to get back to working out several days a week, improve my diet, and take care of my physical health. I need to meditate more and read some more, improve my mental state.

Most importantly, I need to take this time to truly find out what I want in my life professionally. I think that this past year has helped me learn more about myself personally but I still have some answers to answer professionally.

When I graduate from school next spring, do I want to stay in media relations? Do I want to stay in college athletics or do I want to transition to professional sports? Do I want to stay in Nashville? I need to answer these questions now because the last thing that I want to have happen is for me to be sitting here typing to you now without a job. I would be truly pissed if that happened.

So, this summer, I’ll just reflect, hang out, write some more posts, finally start playing my bass guitar again, catch up on my daytime television (General Hospital, I’m looking right at ya!) work out some more, make lists and continue to develop my friendship with Joan.

BTW, I had a text conversation with Joan today after the NCAA baseball tournament announcements, our teams got screwed by either not getting into the tournament, hello Belmont and College of Charleston, or getting a bad seed like our Commodores. I mean, Tempe to face Arizona State, really. Well, it was a good season for our Dores.

Anyway, it’s still odd having a friendship with a girl like Joan, who I’m definitely interested in dating but valuing the friendship more. Plus, she has the boyfriend and I’m respecting that. She has to know that I’m interested in her, because I’m not super smooth and she reads this blog, so she knows what’s up. The funny thing is I wrote about her a few posts ago, the one with the coffee picture, so I won’t go into more details about it. She needs to stop coming up in my posts, but it is what it is. The point is that Joan is new territory for me.

This summer will also allow me to see my family in Atlanta, hopefully spend time with Lisa and just enjoy life in general, because in August, I’ll be back to the crazy schedule and loving every minute of it. But I have to love my alone time before I can enjoy my busy time.

So the Bruins are done, so sad

So, the Belmont baseball team fell today to Gardner-Webb and its season is over.

I feel bad for the players and coaches and the support staff that puts a lot of effort towards making the team a success. It’s been fun traveling with them and having the chance to interact with them. I’m not happy or sad that the guys lost the game. I’m not disappointed in them and proud of them more than anything.

The thing about it is that if they lost two straight games here at the Tournament or won the entire thing, I would have had the same emotions I have now.

The main reason for this is that I had no control over what happens. My biggest and I mean biggest pet peeve is when fans or people who work for a team use “we.” When someone asks me a question about the Belmont baseball team, it’s always “they.” Do I throw any pitches? No. Do I hit any balls? Absolutely not.

I hate when people say that we need to win some games when you’re sitting in the stands. You’re not a part of the team. That goes for everyone. Unless you’re a coach of the team or actually playing on the team, don’t use “we.”

This also ties into the times that people come to me and say who my favorite player is on Belmont? The answer, everyone. Who do I want to pitch in a tough situation? Anyone.

Do I have a favorite player? Of course I do. Do I think that some pitchers are better than others? Definitely. You can’t watch a team for an entire season and not develop opinions. However, trying to get that out of me isn’t happening.

I do love each guy on the team, but as a knowledgeable sports fan, I know who’s good and isn’t.

Some may think that I’m cold with my emotions when it comes to the teams that I cover. Some think that I don’t care whether they win or lose. In some ways that’s true, because I’m the same after a win or a loss.

My job entails as an SID that I practice neutrality even though I work for an athletic department. I must be a statistician for the games and show no favoritism to anybody. I must operate press boxes and press rows where cheering isn’t allowed because we have to be respectful of representatives from the visiting school at the games.

The funny thing is that I’ve always been this way, even as a kid. I always had my favorite teams like the NY Giants, Knicks, NY Rangers, the Mets and I still care for those teams. However, the one type of fan I hated was the ignorant fans. I hated those people who would only follow the local teams and know nothing about the rest of the league. Yeah, I love the Giants, but what about the Broncos or the Rams. The Knicks are cool, but I want to learn more about the Nuggets or Clippers.

That’s why I hate watching ESPN and all they talk about are the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets for baseball. I like the Mets, but tell me more about the Orioles, Rays, Pirates and Rockies, seriously.

So as a kid, with the advice of my mother, I made sure that I knew everything about every sport. Hockey game, I’m watching. Tennis match, I’m looking. Soccer, I’m all over it. That’s the way that I operated and became a fan of the game just as much as the teams.

Long story short, I learned to detach myself from being an ignorant and narrow-minded fan of my teams and became a studier of the sport. That’s why I could and still can tell you just as much about the Tigers just as much as a Met, or break down the Giants just as well as the Dolphins. That’s how I roll and challenge anybody to take me on.

How does this relate to being an SID? In my current position, I will always cheer for Belmont teams to win because I like the coaches, the players and honestly, it’s easier to write a story about a win than a loss. However, the tasks and responsibilities of my job force me to be neutral, an arbiter if you will, for the operation of my events. I think growing up following sports like I did made me prepared for this job.

I think that’s why I do my job well.

However, I sometimes miss being a fan of a team and living and dying with every one of the games they play. The Mets are losing a lot of games now and my reaction is whatever. The Giants won the Super Bowl and I smiled for a little bit and went to bed and went to work the next day like nothing happened.

I have to stay detached from Belmont sports and even my favorite teams for that matter because they will lose and I have to be a professional. I have to be a professional and do my job just as well if Belmont loses a game in the last minute or if they win the national title. That’s what a good SID does.

So, when Belmont lost to Gardner-Webb today, I wrote my story, posted the stats and moved about my day as if they won a chance to play in the College World Series. It’s just the way that I’m trained.

I will miss traveling with the guys though, but life is full of disappointment and random happy moments that you have to embrace. Working with the baseball team was one of those happy moments.

Who has two thumbs and is now 27? Etienne Marcel Pourtout, I thought we met!

This will be the first and last post that I feature a picture of only me, but hey, its my birthday, so why not.

Also, my mother always taught me to always wear a tie on photo IDs and smile. So that cheesy smile you see, that’s for the mother. I do look extra happy in that picture. Good stuff.

First, I feel blessed to have made it this far. I thank the parents, Barbara and even the original Marcel, my dad for raising me.

OK, Kenisha told me about my passive-aggressive nature and that last statement sounded like that. I thank both of my parents equally for raising me.

I feel happiness that my family has been able to see me have successes in my life even though I feel like I have so much more to accomplish. I’ve always been fortunate to have the unconditional support of my family and not everyone has that.

I’m grateful to my brothers, Troy and Denny, my sister, Aline, who I’m trying to get to know better, and my sister-in-law only in term, Angie. She’s been my big sister since she married my brother and none of that in-law crap. Each of them has been a tremendous influence and I’m grateful that they’re in my life.

I’m also grateful for my countless cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews that have been amazing to me. If any of you are reading this, thanks for everything.

I have so many friends here in Nashville from Belmont to Vandy and everywhere in between. I’m happy that I’ve been able to find a place of happiness at Belmont. I don’t think my co-workers or people in my Belmont family realize how much I was struggling with stuff in my life before I came back to Nashville in August. But through their acceptance of me, I’m in a better place.

I still have my friends in Charleston, Atlanta and the NYC. I’m happy to have lived in all of these places and met great people along the way.

I’m happy to work in sports. I get paid to watch games and work with athletes, can’t complain about that.

I’m happy to have good health. I’ve woken up every day for 27 years and can walk and talk and be fully functional by myself. That’s not guaranteed in any of our lives.

This has been one of my harder posts to write because I’m focusing exclusively on myself. Yes, every other post I’ve written has included me in it, but I feel that when I’m telling each of you about events in my life, I’m telling you stories. Everything I write here is completely true, because I just have to keep it honest with you if I’m going to keep it honest with myself.

Usually, when my birthday approaches, Mr. Grumpy emerges and makes me seem miserable to others around me. Some may think that I’m unhappy that my birthday is approaching and honestly, there were some years that I was. The reason that I was is that I compared myself with the traditional rites of passage that each age represents.

From birthdays three through 18, I was expecting a traditional birthday party with balloons, friends, family and some awesome cake. Scratch that, pie and sweet punch, sweet, sweet punch. However, I never had a birthday party.

When I turned 21, I was expecting to have had a girlfriend by then and a car, but I ended up spending the day alone at my brother’s house with no friends. When I turned 25, I was expecting to be married, celebrating the day with a wife, friends and family, but I was alone once again.

What I’ve realized is that I can’t compare my life to others. I have to live my own life. If I judged myself against some of my friends, I’m a failure. While people are starting families, buying homes and have traditional jobs with security, I’m where I’m at now. I’m a 27-year old graduate student actually taking on more debt, live on an air mattress (which is very comfortable by the way), and literally live check to check, work long, isolated hours for not much money and live hours away from the nearest family member. But I’m happy.

I’m happy to go to a place where I like working. I’m happy to be involved in sports. I’m happy to be in a city like Nashville. I’m happy to have friends like each of you.

I’m happy to the Tennessee Tornado, Josh, BK, Meggie, Sean, Gerard, Jared, Liz, George D., Sarah T., Joel, Erica C., Bari and many others for reading this blog consistently. I also have to thank Kenisha for encouraging me to start this blog from my initial ‘Pancakes’ e-mails.

Another thing that a birthday makes me do is reflect on the many good times of my life, but the biggest thing that I have to be happy for is that I was raised in a Christian household because it has been the basis for the guy that each of you know now.

I can be a better Christian just like I can be a better employee, a better physical being, a better writer. However, growing up the way that I did made me humble and content with seeking internal happiness.

There have been low moments in my life for sure, but the ones that I look back on now and are grateful that they happened. Like when I applied to law schools for three straight years and didn’t get accepted to any one of them. Or taking the LSAT three times and not improving my score. Or almost getting kicked out of Vandy after first semester of freshman year for grades. Or barely graduating college in general. Or graduating college and not having a job and having to take an unpaid internship at a magazine. Or at times not having a girlfriend all of these years.

All of those events made me realize what I wanted and needed in my life. It has taught me to be grateful to have my needs filled and to have the ability to seek my wants.

Needs and wants is what it comes down to. My needs like a home, a job, health are all filled. My wants like a nice car, girlfriends, money will all come if I stay on a positive path.

If I had no struggles in my life, I wouldn’t be the determined person that I am today. The worst people to me are the ones that act cocky, are full of themselves and are constantly reminding you of what they’ve done to try to impress you.

I believe in internal confidence and being content with yourself. I also believe in being nice and in karma. If you act like an ass to others, it will come back to you.

Sorry that I’ve started rambling but I’ll end it with this.

My main reason for living is to bring positivism to each of you and to the world in general. I don’t want to disappoint my family with my actions. I want to be a good son, a good brother, a good uncle, a good cousin, a good nephew, a good friend. I want to be a good person for my friends to talk to and interact with, I want to be a good family member. Funny thing is that all of those wants are needs as well.

The main reason that I write this blog is two-folded. I feel that I need to write this blog for my personal growth as a man. Some of my stories and events that I write about may seem lame. You may not like my NBA articles, why I don’t trust animals or why I’m so worried about the women I interact with. However, each of those events makes me reflect on myself and makes me work on being a better person.

The second reason is that I want you to read my posts and maybe relate it to something in your life and help you become a better person. Maybe you read one of my posts and it reminds you of a positive or negative time of your life and it can make you work on being a better person. That’s the goal because we don’t have as much time on this earth as we think.

I’m 27, but honestly, I really only expect to have about 25-30 more years in my life. I know people are living longer and things like that and that’s great. However, I’m reaching the midpoint of my life and I realize this. This doesn’t mean that I should stop living. I just know that this can all end tomorrow.

So if you’re reading this post, first thanks for making it this far. But more importantly, take stock of your life. Are you where you want to be? Do you have your needs and wants in order? Have you been a good person and been a positive force in someone’s life? If the answer to any of these are no, that’s OK. In fact, its more than OK, its normal.

I’m not perfect, far from it. I don’t deserve everything that I’ve gotten, both good and bad in my life. But we’re dealt the cards of life and we have to accept it. And as I celebrate this glorious day, I like my hand and putting my chips all in for the rest of my life.