Zen in the gym

I had an interesting moment today in the gym.

I’ve written in the past few days about accepting myself and becoming content with my state. Hopefully some of you have read some of the stuff and found inspiration or whatever works for you.

Usually when I hit the gym, its intense stuff. I don’t want to talk to anybody, I want to stay focused on my goal and look very mean. I go into it with the intentions of getting all of my negative emotions out and channeling it towards positivity.

I was doing my usual cardio work, abdominal exercises and then I started doing dumbbell curls for my biceps. I finished a seated set and then just stopped for a moment. At this stage, I’m usually still mad and ready to rumble, however, something was different about today. I wasn’t mad.

I had no anger or aggression built up inside me anymore. As I mentioned in my Sunday Reflections a few days ago, I’ve let a lot of stuff go, including my intense desire to work out to destroy a body I don’t like. I like myself.

I finish the rest of my workout but just have a calm way of approaching it. I’ve never had a true feeling of acceptance of myself like this before and it’s scary.

I’ve used the negativity of my life in the past to drive me to do good things. Whether it was family issues, self doubt, jerks I’ve confronted personally, I’ve taken these things and made them positives.

What happens when those negatives leave you? Actually the negatives will never go away because I’m human. I just don’t feel like acknowledging them anymore because they cause pain.

I’m still going to approach my life, including my workouts, with the same intensity I’ve always had. That’s jus the way I live. But instead of taking those negatives and letting them enter me, I’m going to try to stay focused on enhancing the positive.

For some reason, when I was in the gym a Billy Idol song came on. I think it was Eyes Without a Face, but screw that. Here’s Flesh for Fantasy. My favorite is the classic guitar riff and the famous line: face to face and back to back see and feel my sex attack! As a kid, I was confused by that line, but I got older and got that line. I'll even throw in some Rebel Yell! Enjoy.

My moment of Zen

Yesterday, I wanted to work out but the gym at Belmont was closed. I decided to take a light walk down Belmont Boulevard towards Lipscomb like I usually do. I stopped at the Shell gas station and turned around to head home. However, it was early and I wasn’t tired, so I decided to walk past Belmont and on to 21st Avenue. I kept walking and decided to just check out Peabody at Vanderbilt.

Even though I’ve been back in Nashville for nearly a year, I haven’t been to the Peabody side of Vandy’s campus. So I headed over there and it’s just as beautiful as it has always been.

I lived on Peabody my sophomore year at East, one of the dorms. Since I was an English major, I had no classes on Peabody and had to walk to main campus everyday, which could be an experience when the weather wasn’t great. Furthermore, it was isolated from main campus and the true fun party spots of my friends, Towers and the Highlands. That was probably my second saddest year in college, besides freshman year. Freshman year was a bitch. Anyway, another subject for another post.

The best part of living at Peabody was the beauty of the campus. If you haven’t been on to the campus and live in Nashville, I seriously recommend it.

I get to Peabody and it’s completely silent but just as beautiful as I remember it. As an undergrad, I would sit out on the grass for hours and just chill. It was so relaxing. I didn’t sit on the grass this time, but I did find a bench and just reflect.

I thought back to all of those good and bad times as an undergrad, so many that I won’t list them here.

Usually my mind is working overtime in every moment and there isn’t a moment of silence, until yesterday. I sat on that bench, turned off my IPod and just stared out on the open field and nothing happened.

I sat there and didn’t think about school, work, women, sports, bills, or anything else. It’s hard to describe when you get that moment of Zen or something like that. I didn’t want to laugh or cry or make a sound. I wanted to sit there for hours and do nothing.

It was an amazing moment.

Then, I felt so blessed and fortunate to be back in Nashville going to school to pursue my dreams. I also realized that I’m happy to be near college campuses.

Whenever I’m at Vandy or Belmont, I get a happy feeling being on a college campus with fellow young people each of us pursuing our dreams. Some are here for athletics, some for academics, some want to party. However, all of us are there for goals and that translates to the employees at a campus.

This is why I want to work in college athletics. I know that college athletics, including the NCAA, has major issues, but I like working with and for young people. It’s not the same with professional teams. I just don’t see myself working with a professional team or organization. I’ll get into this topic later.

I thought about all of this, looked at the sky, thought it was going to rain and then walked back home.

The moment was short, but worth it.

I know that all of you don’t have access to a college campus, but you are near a park or something of natural elements. Take advantage of that opportunity.

Here's some chill music for your mind and soul.