Sunday Reflections (on a Monday)

Hey everyone, hope all is well with you.

Music to listen to: Fade to Black by Metallica (live)

When all else fails when trying to find a song for this portion of a Blog post, Metallica is hard to go wrong with.

I was going to write about the football games from yesterday, particularly marveling at the brilliance of Peyton Manning, the pure joy in seeing Brett Farve fail, true happiness for the Saints, especially the fans and residents of the entire Gulf Coast. But the Super Bowl isn't for another two weeks, so previews and reviews of the NFL can come later.

I was going to write a midseason review of the NBA, don't worry, that's tomorrow.

I was going to give you an update on my dating life, but not much has happened in that department.

I was going to write about Haiti and how it affects all of us in ways that we don't even realize, but that's a standard belief that I think most of us already have.

I'm going to tell you about my Friday afternoon into evening.

The workday was grinding down to an end at my office and I had a feeling of sadness come upon me. I was a little tired but nothing outside of the normal. I left work, drove home, and when I exited my car, I stopped right there.

The thought that continued to come to me was my lack of happiness in this lifestyle. I looked at my beat up car that I hadn't cleaned in months and wondered why I hadn't taken care of that. I stayed in this position for about five minutes.

Then I entered my home which was dirty and didn't look like a place that a young professional such as myself should be living in. In my place, I enter though the kitchen and when I stepped into the home, I stood there for another five minutes.

After that, I thought about what I was going to do for that night and remembered that my date for the evening was canceled because she wasn't feeling well. This bummed me out...I didn't stand in place for five minutes for this one.

I just went into my room, laid on my bed and reflected on how I ended up in this position. I began to re-examine every aspect of my life from my car to apartment to weight to job to dating and everything else that was tangible at that time.

What I realized is that I wasn't happy with any of them.

This is a tough realization to have for anyone and I know that all of us have been in this place at least once in our lives.

I thought about what I should be doing as a 28-year old with my background. With all of the work that I've done, I should own my own place instead of having to rent it and barely be able to afford it. I shouldn't have to drive a used 1998 Ford Taurus that may break down any moment. I should be in a long-term relationship and even have a kid, maybe two by now. I shouldn't have to take odd jobs that pay hardly anything just to pay bills. I shouldn't be an intern. I shouldn't feel this lonely nearly every day of my life. I shouldn't be nervous to enter public social settings. I shouldn't be as unhealthy as I am.

I shouldn't have this life.

All of these emotions came to me and I felt a feeling of unhappiness that I hadn't experienced since I was about 22, when I was saddened to dark places that I don't want to ever visit again. It's even hard writing this stuff now a few days after this experience.

So, I took a deep breath and thought about every major decision that I've made. Should I have gone to Vanderbilt? Should I have come back to Nashville? Should I have told Sara that I loved her? Should I have turned down law school? Should I even work in sports? Should I quit my job tomorrow and not look back? Should I have stayed in the NYC...you get the idea.

Then I realized that I was feeling frustrated with not living the lives of others that I'm not like.
Each of us has our own journey. I've made mistakes in my life and I have regrets. I'm not happy with the path that my life has taken but I'm not ashamed of it because its my own.

I believe that you can't control the path that your life takes but you can have significant influence in it. There's a reason that I'm in my current life. If God wanted me to be a father and a husband right now, it would have happened. If he wanted me to be a lawyer making six-figures, driving a BMW and owning a condo in the city, it would be going down at this moment.

I think that he has put me in this position to make me earn everything that I want. When I was younger, things were very easy for me. I had a loving mother that provided me with everything that I needed and more, to the point of being spoiled. High school was not hard, but I was a pitbull when it came to school and other things. I would sit in my small room in Brooklyn and motivate myself with the belief that I was going to dominate this world. If that meant studying through the night, working jobs in the summer while my buddies were relaxing, it that meant preparing myself for a career in sports like no other, that was going to happen.

Even college wasn't a terrible struggle. I had fun, enjoyed life, things were good. However, after college, the real world kicked my ass and it roughed me up a bit. Fortunately, I had a loving family that took care of me and I was able to work through some tough things. But the past three years, I've noticed that I've become lazy and content with the standard.

The teenager version of me would smack the adult me in the face and tell him to get his ass in gear and I think that's what was happening to me on Friday. He was looking at me and wondering how this took place over the years.

So, after this entire reflection took place, I decided that I was going to a complete reevaluation of my life in every aspect. I'm going through this process right now and it should make for some interesting posts in the upcoming weeks.

On Friday night, I went to the bookstore and read, something that I enjoy doing often but have gotten away from. I read some sports books, even the Bill Simmons' one on basketball that was just released. Reading his passionate writing about the sport inspired me because I remember having that same desire as a younger guy but losing it over time. I think its coming back and I'm excited about that.

After the bookstore, I came back home and gained prospective on life in general seeing the telethon for Haitian relief on the TV. As much as I've written above, its nothing in comparison with what is going on there. Its unfortunate to realize your fortune in comparison to the sadness and despair of others but that's what happened to me.

With that, I went to sleep.

So what does this mean for me? Am I going to change my job? Get a new place to live? Abstain from a lot of things and that includes you know what? Do I move out of Nashville? Do I hike the mountains or kayak a river? I don't know but all is being considered. I do know that days like Friday are going to come again and hopefully I'm better prepared for the emotions but maybe the point isn't to be prepared for them.

Maybe I'll stick to writing about the NBA for the moment and things will go from there.

Sunday Reflections (on a Monday)

What’s going on peoples. Hope you had a good weekend, I’ll go over mine with some reflections thrown in there as usual.

Music to listen to: Fixed Income by DJ Shadow (live version)

This is a beastly beat and the live version is incredible, especially with the visuals of this video. DJ Shadow is amazing.

-On Friday, I had a date at a place that I’ve never been to in Nashville yet was always close to. I went to Café Coco. For those of you unfamiliar with Nashville, its near Vanderbilt, where I went as an undergrad. Furthermore, I love a good coffee shop and never found my way into this place in all of my years here. I’ve driven past it because Exit/In is there as well as the epic Krispy Kreme donut shop.

So I finally got there and it’s a nice place, its no Bongo Java, but its solid. Oh, how was the date? In the past on this Blog, I’ve openly talked about my dates and romantic endeavors and ultimately jinxed myself. Not this time, she won’t even get a fake name…for now. It was a good time.

-If Kurt Warner played his final game on Saturday, it was a great career. I’m cynical by nature, especially when it comes to sports, so when you hear the entire story of Warner, I was skeptical. We all know about him bagging groceries, being a Super Bowl champion with the Rams, winning MVP’s, being left for dead professionally with the Giants, goes to the Cardinals as a backup for Matt Leinart, gets his chance to shine and takes them to the Super Bowl. He’s a Hall of Famer and one of the only openly religious athletes that I actually believe follows his virtues.

That’s why I think that he will retire…not the religious part, actually, that’s part of it. He sees the full picture of his life with his wife, kids and religion. Football is important but he has other things going on. The minute a professional athlete has these thoughts, he needs to retire and move on to his new ventures of life.

-How about those Saints dominating that contest? Reggie Bush, where has that been for your entire NFL career? I don’t know if he got tired of hearing about being a bust, his teammates motivated him, he motivated himself, his girlfriend did something, whatever preparations he did before Saturday’s game, keep doing it. Also, the Drew Brees story is tremendous as well. I didn’t think that he would be this good of an NFL quarterback coming out of Purdue and when he jacked up his shoulder with the Chargers, I thought that the Saints were getting damaged goods. I was wrong in a big way.

-Colts defeated the Ravens, that is all.

-Good seeing the Cowboys get the hammer laid out to them. Don’t think that Phillips should be fired, Vikings were just a better team. If we weren’t so drunken with Farve-overload, we would be marveling at one of the greatest seasons that an athlete has ever had. He threw four touchdowns on Sunday and he’s 40. That’s not normal, that’s legendary.

-As a Giants fan, you would think that I would have a hard time dealing with the Jets reaching the AFC title game, but I’m actually happy for the Jets fans. While they aren’t as tortured as Bills fans or heaven forbid, Browns fans, supporters of the Jets have had some rough times over the years…trust me, if they make the Super Bowl, you will hear plenty about it. Growing up, I would watch just as many Giants games as Jets contests so I actually would support them.

A lot of you are probably from areas with strong college sports and couldn’t consider cheering for the crosstown or cross state team. But the Giants and Jets are in different conferences and rarely play each other accept for the preseason and it’s a meaningless game.

However, I just don’t think that they can beat Indy on the road.

-While Wade Phillips should keep his job in Dallas, Norv Turner has to go. He seems like a nice guy but he’s underachieved with the Chargers. Some of you may say that its not Norv’s fault that his kicker had an epically awful performance or that Tomlinson is finished as an elite runner, but you have to win that game at home.

My thoughts on UT Football...you knew it was coming

Before I get to Lane Kiffin, you know that I have to lay out the foundation.

Music to listen to: Freek’N You by Jodeci



When I was driving back and forth between Kennesaw and Nashville, this song came up and it reminded me how underrated Jodeci is in the realm of music. For some reason the group didn’t get as big as it should have. It may have had something to do with race, the fact that they imploded earlier than they should have or whatever, but I thought that they should have gotten more love then they have, so now I do it here.

So our boy Lane Kiffin has caused some drama once again in the world of college football with his move from Tennessee to USC. He’s a shady character, this is known, but lets look at this from all angles and perspectives or prospective, whatever:

Lane Kiffin: Has a man who has accomplished less gotten more in football, from a football coaching profession? He was an assistant, not a coordinator, at USC for a few years during that school’s heyday in the early 2000’s, so this whole perception that he had a major role in that’s school’s dominance during this period is not a lie but not a complete truth.

He then parlays that into an NFL job with the Oakland Raiders, the most dysfunctional franchise in the league west of the Washington Redskins. Kiffin is a failure there, but it was the Raiders, where everyone fails, so it isn’t his fault.

Then he gets an SEC job at a highly respectable school, not a major program, but a good one. He causes a lot of noise, talks about recruiting to the point of annoyance, accuses others of cheating when he’s openly doing it himself, leads the team to seven wins and leaves after one season to get a job at one of the top-five programs in the country.

He does all of this with an arrogance like he belongs. BTW, the guy is younger than 35 years old. As Pat Forde said, its as if he was placed on third base and acts like he hit a triple.

However, he’s a hustler and obviously only thinks about his own well-being. I’m a big believer in karma and Lane’s time will come but if you’ve been given every thing in life, than what do you expect. You can dislike it but you can’t hate on it.

Monte Kiffin: You’re one of the most respected men in the coaching field yet your son is dragging your name in the mud as well with all of these antics. Of course he’s going to be loyal to Lane, probably to a fault, but you have to think that Monte would tell his son that this isn’t the right path to go. But…

I think that there’s a subtle guilt going on here, let me explain. It seems like Monte may feel guilty that he wasn’t there for his son when he was growing up because he was pursuing his coaching career and reached high levels. Now that Monte has a position of power, he has helped his son get his first big break at USC as an assistant, then he convinced his NFL buddies that Lane can coach the Raiders. Finally, in the ultimate act of support, Monte left his NFL position with the Bucs to join his son at UT.

If Monte and the jackass I’m going to mention later weren’t part of the package with Lane, the son doesn’t get hired at UT.

Monte’s coaching legacy is set but his actions may be hurting his son’s in the end.

Ed Orgeron: This jackass has the testicles to be in LA while the Kiffins are in Knoxville calling UT recruits, telling the early enrollees to not attend class and then telling them to go to USC. So the same kids you were telling for months to attend UT and the qualities of that school and now you want them to go to USC. I’ve never liked this cheater.

Tennessee athletic department: This is a tough spot because you never expect your coach to leave after one season. If Lane was there for four or five years and then left, then that’s different because that’s expected in these times. I didn’t like the Kiffin hire when it first happened because he was an outsider.

Tennessee is a unique place. I like to make fun of it as a Commodore alum because the school is in East Tennessee and very country. From the awful, ok, I said I was going to be fair in this post, odd Rocky Top song to the bright orange, the school represents a side of southern culture that is unique in its own way.

So you bring in this guy who has a bad personality for your school and doesn’t have experience in the southeast. Furthermore, when Lane started doing his dirt, the school didn’t do a good job of reining him in.

So what does the school do now? I think you have to pick someone who understands the culture of the school and knows its place in the SEC landscape, which brings me to…

Tennessee fans: We’re all fans of a sports team and the toughest thing to do is managing expectations. I think that the maximum for UT is averaging eight wins a season, having a 10-win year once every three years and winning the SEC East every four years and an SEC title every five to six years.

However, they should feel jilted by Kiffin and was feeling the protesting that they did in Knoxville last night. The burning of the couches and painting profanity on rocks was much, but besides that, the fans should react like they did.

USC: You’re really set on Kiffin leading you to glory. I wrote above my lack of faith of him above so I won’t get back into it. USC has to deal with NCAA issues but I’m sure it won’t be anything major. You still are a premier program with a lot of positives, just watch out for your coach.

Rest of SEC: As a Vandy fan, I’m going to miss having a punching bag but I think that Lane was building a nice program at UT that would have done some nice things. For fans of Florida, Alabama and Georgia, things are the same.

Rest of Pac-10: USC is in a vulnerable position. Eight of the programs in that conference have a chance to win a conference title in the next three years (Washington State is the exception, sorry Cougar fans). The Trojans will be back but on paper next year, Oregon, Oregon State, Cal, Arizona and probably Stanford are better.

Recruited student-athlete/family of said recruit: This is my favorite one of all. This shows that loyalty doesn’t exist in college athletics at this level. Hopefully this shows naïve recruited college athletes that they have to have limits to their trust in the process.

I have a nephew who is currently a junior and is being recruited by schools for football at a solid level. First, he isn’t going to enroll early anywhere, that’s for darn sure. There are recruits who are going to be stuck at UT and USC for that matter with coaches they expected to play for up to two weeks ago. Now they have other coaches to play for.

The reality is that he’s going to have to be very, very careful with this process and this is a prime example of it.

OK, those are my thoughts, what are yours?

Sunday Reflections

What’s going on everyone, hope this life is treating you right. We just finished our first full week of 2010 and its been solid. First…

Some music to listen to: Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart by Alicia Keys

I saw Alicia perform this on Saturday Night Live yesterday and she killed it as usual. She’s a great performer, singer, songwriter and not to mention, very, very attractive. I was feeling the ponytail. I haven’t done an updated top-five list in a while but she may crack the starting lineup.

-The weather here in Nashville has been brutally cold, by the standards of this city. We were excited today when the temperature got up into the mid-20’s. The problem isn’t the cold, it’s the snow and the lack of preparation this city has for it. First, the large majority of people here travel on their own, meaning more cars on the road to cause accidents. The major roads and highways aren’t an issue, but the side roads that aren’t used often have ice on them and your boy darn near busted his car sliding into 12th avenue several times.

This week also confirmed that I will not move away from a warm area of the country to live as long as its under my control. This cold weather isn’t the business.

-Darn Gilbert Arenas and his gun play. I spend more time than you would think defending the players in the NBA and telling people that they aren’t “thugs.” However, when Gil or even guys like Tyler Smith and three other players from the University of Tennessee perform criminal activities with firearms, its gets tougher for me.

-Is it sad that the Simpsons had their 450th episode on tonight that was advertised all through the Cards and Packers game yet I had no interest in watching?

-Huge week for the professional wrestling industry. I know that many of you don’t watch it but Hulk Hogan made his “official” debut with TNA Wrestling on Monday night and it was a good time. It was also TNA’s first ever live Monday night broadcast of iMPACT!, our weekly TV show. The significance of it being live on Monday was that it was in direct competition with WWE’s weekly Monday show.

Now you know I’m biased because I work for the company but I think we did a really good job with the show. We introduced a lot of content for fans to keep tuning in for the next few months.
When you work in the wrestling industry, people have one of three reactions when you tell them your job. First, they think its weird and mock the sport. The second one is that people who you didn’t expect to be fans mark out, meaning that they reveal to you how much they love the sport.

The third reaction is the most interesting and the one I actually like to receive the most. The people tell you that they’re a fan and then offer you criticism of the product. People have told me that they hate wrestlers that I enjoy greatly and even told me they liked wrestlers that I don’t find much intrigue in. The point of all of this is to get market research because as cliché as it sounds, at least for our industry, the most important thing is the fans. If our fans don’t come to our shows, watch us on TV, purchase our products, then problems.
　
-The NFL playoffs were decent this weekend. I would have been 1-3 this weekend, only hitting on the Dallas game. The Cards and Pack game was great accept for Joe Buck, he’s awful. Thankfully, I had the game on mute and avoided most of his monotone and apathy towards the contest.

Good fight and good night everybody.

New Year's Resolutions/Lifestyle Alterations

Happy New Year everyone. Hope all of you had a good holiday season. I learned things about myself and others over this period and it will all be presented in this post.

First, you know what’s coming.

Music to listen to: Single by Everything but the Girl

Something chill to start the year.

Everyone makes resolutions at the beginning of the calendar year because it represents a chance to change your lifestyle for the better. We all would like to improve things in our life or enhance the positives that we are already practicing.

Unfortunately, many resolutions are hindered over time and we fall into our same habits.

So, I don’t have resolutions for this upcoming year. Instead I have lifestyle alteration suggestions. Some of these will be specific things which you will see but its more about influencing your lifestyle in a positive way instead of trying to stick to a resolute ideal that may be hard to maintain. With that, let’s get started.

-Be healthier physically. I’m still a relatively young man but I turn 29 in May. I’m reaching that age where I have to make preparations physically so that I can have a better lifestyle when I’m 60. At this pace, I may struggle to even make that number. This will mean increasing my physical activity but also watching my food intake or diet. Its not about being on a diet where I cut out carbs or increase protein, things like that would be helpful I guess but I know what I should eat and not eat.

-Be healthier mentally. This is the most important year I’ve had from a professional standpoint. Enough with school, internships, graduate assistantships, etc. This is my time to establish my career in sports and become the dominant sport manager that I was born to be. I’ve prepared for this since I was a little kid. Its my destiny.

With that, I have to prepare myself mentally for this fate. That means keeping my focus but also enjoying my life to appreciate what I have. I have to believe in balance.

-Improve my swagger. One of my nephews told me that I needed to do this. He’s 16 years old, good looking, nice guy, star football player, built like a tank, popular with the ladies and has a supreme level of self-confidence that I’m actually envious of.

The key is that he’s so young and has an unlimited future. I used to have this mentality. However, struggles in my life have zapped that out completely.

Its hard to have self confidence in your early-20’s when you get laid off of your job, the heat gets cut off in an apartment you can’t afford and you have to move into your brother and sister’s home. That’s when the serious depression and feeling like your life is worthless come in. That’s why I don’t want my early 20’s back ever again.

I’ve worked hard to get myself to this stage and many of you have seen my maturation. I will never be perfect, don’t want to be, but I need to gain my self-confidence back, or increase my swagger as the young kids say.

-Be a positive influence on younger family members. I used to be the youngest kid in the family for years but now my generation is starting to have children and they have grown up quickly. I have nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. in junior high school and high school. Some are even in college.

Now, I’ve become a mentor for them. I was part of the first group of family members to consistently go to college and its my responsibility to help out the younger generation in any way possible.

I used to not want this role because I felt the pressure to be the breadwinner of the family and honestly, I still feel it. I was always told that I would achieve great things, become famous, make a lot of money, etc. by my family members. They were trying to be encouraging and that’s great but when you don’t reach those goals immediately, you feel like a failure.

I don’t feel like a failure but I haven’t achieved what I thought I would have at this stage of my life. But it’s all good, everybody’s journey is different, which ties into the younger family members. I’ve experienced a lot of things for them to seek guidance to me for but I also know to let them take their own paths and not be as judgmental as the generation that raised me when I was their age.

-Write more and I’m talking more than the Blog. I used to write poems daily. I’ve written short stories. I had plans on a novel for years and haven’t even started it. Hopefully the Blog can lead to more creative writing or even non-fiction commentaries on things like politics, history, science and things non-sports. I have other interests and need to express them.

-Learn to play guitar. I tentatively played bass a few years ago and was starting to comprehend it but gave up. I miss the challenge of learning how to play an instrument and using it to express my emotions.

Plus, women love musicians, speaking of which…

-At least one long-term girlfriend. My longest relationship is three months and that was in high school. Its not intentional, seriously. Never cheated, never been cheated on, I think. My relationships don't last long and it would be a nice change. It would be nice to have a long-term relationship to not only develop myself but help someone grow as well.

A healthy partnership would be welcomed.

-Learn French. Women love French…actually this one is more than that. I have French origins and haven’t acknowledged them enough. I have family members from Martinique and haven’t been able to communicate with them in the native language. I think by learning French I can feel more in touch with my ancestors and my background. it’s a missing part of my life that I need to fill.

-Have better relationship with my father. This is personal but I can tell you that we’ve both been wrong over the years and its time for us to eliminate the negativity and move towards the future.

-Finally, do community service. Back in the NYC, I used to be heavily involved in community service and it was a fulfilling part of my life. Between doing activities in church, with the Leo/Lions Club, school and a community center here and there, I was making a positive contribution to society.

Sure, there was a selfish element to make myself feel good by helping those less fortunate than me, heck, it looked good on my college applications, I actually liked the process. It made me feel good inside and made me appreciate life. Furthermore, it drove me to not become deterred by any obstacles because I saw people in much, much worse shape than me loving their life.

There are plenty of ways that I can do this and this is a good time to start.

This is also a good time to end this post. Thanks for reading and you stay safe out there in those streets.