My Reflections today are on pregnant women getting married. Strange, I know, but first…
Music to listen to: Hoops by Chemical Brothers (live)
I thought about this topic when watching the Bethanny’s Getting Married TV show on Bravo. Before you start hating for me watching a show on that station, especially a spinoff of a Real Housewives edition of the series, hear me out. Beth is entertaining, her unintentional comedy is off the charts, easy on the eyes and has a show based in my hometown, the NYC. Darn near any show based in the NYC gets a customary view because that’s where I will always represent for it. So I gave Beth’s show an opportunity, liked it, etc.
So the premise of the show is this. She’s pregnant and is planning to get married during the pregnancy to her boyfriend. Of course, there is drama with this, but she has her wedding, even has the honeymoon about seven months pregnant, has the baby a month early, baby and marriage is fine, the end.
While watching the show, I kept asking myself why she just didn’t wait to get married until AFTER she had the baby. I thought that Beth was the exception but I’ve seen this trend happening often.
First it was Beth, than it was the singer Alicia Keys, next was model Miranda Kerr and even someone within my extended family. What’s going on?
I thought in 2010 that we would be past the “shotgun wedding.”
I’ve fortunately never been in a situation where I’ve gotten someone pregnant and had to make a decision to whether I want to keep the baby, stay with the woman, break up with her and be a single parent, etc. You would have to consider all of those things if you are in that spot.
I put this inquiry on Facebook about a week ago and the response from my women friends tended to be of the view that women don’t want to be a “baby mama,” meaning that before they give birth to the baby, they want a commitment from their boyfriend that they will have a family and nothing says that more than marriage.
I see that view from the women but here’s my view as a man.
If we’re in an established relationship and you happen to be pregnant, that would be great. I want to be a father and if we were having unprotected sex than I was willing to accept the potential responsibility of fatherhood. However, there is a difference between being your husband and the father of your child. They are connected but not as much as people make it out to be.
Our marriage is about the commitment that we are making towards each other. My role as a father is about my commitment to our child. I can be a great father without being your husband. Being a great husband may have no impact on my fathering skills.
If we only get married to provide a fake family for our child, that’s going to hurt in a major way in the future because it won’t last and hurt feelings will ensue.
Furthermore, preparing to have a baby is a major commitment in itself that deserves its own attention. Those nine months should be dedicated to our child, not looking at floral arrangements and seating charts. We should be preparing the nursery and not trying out wedding gowns, you get what I’m saying.
We can take care of the pregnancy, wait about a year while we settle into being parents and then have the wedding when things calm down.
Also, I thought most of us 35 years old and under were beyond the pressures of the older generation forcing the “shotgun wedding.” Back in the olden days (really the 1950’s and 60’s), if you got someone pregnant, you had to marry then because raising a child out of wedlock was considered unacceptable by the standards of society.
In the 21st century, most of us were either raised by divorced parents or had a member of your immediate family circle going through it. My parents are divorced and after spending time with each of them, I understand why the separation happened on both sides. If they forced themselves to stay together for my sake, it would have been an unhappier household that would have been problems for everybody.
That’s just my case and not everyone is the same but what do you think about “shotgun weddings” in 2010?
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