Second Chance at a First Impression

What’s going on everyone. I was going to do my weekly post on college football but something else came up that I think some of you could relate to.

Music to listen to: Late Nite Tip by Three 6 Mafia



I’m about to write about my Vandy days and I still remember learning about three-six coming down here to Tennessee back in 1999. We didn’t hear this music in the NYC but down here, they’re legends and I’ve been a fan ever since.

About a week ago, I decided to contact a variety of old friends from my past on Facebook because I had some free time and wanted to know what everyone was doing in their lives.

We often becomes friends with someone on Facebook from our past and exchange some initial information but don’t follow it up further. I wanted to change that.

I heard back from several people and that was nice, however, I heard back from one girl who I spent time with back in college that peaked my interest. You know that I don’t give real names here so we will call her Gloria. We kicked it back in college and were friendly but nothing more than running into each other at some parties, taking a class or two together, the usual stuff for college. She was a nice girl that if I was smarter, would have at least taken on a date in college but that’s in the past.

Well, five years have passed since graduation and we are both in Nashville. She even runs her own media relations company, working with musicians. We’ve never crossed paths here and I decided that we should get together. Gloria says its cool and we exchange numbers via e-mail. I was looking forward to catching up with an old friend.

On Friday, I saw that she was in the NYC on business and we texted each other over the weekend about my hometown, so things are going well.

We were scheduled to meet up for a coffee on Tuesday but she had some business come up and couldn’t make it. I wasn’t crushed about it, but I wasn’t apathetic about it as well.

I talked to my advisor, Diaz, and told him about all of this. He told me that I wanted to have a second chance at a first impression.

Besides sounding like a line from a Counting Crows song, it makes sense.

Honestly, I had an interest in Gloria back in college but never stepped up and told her about it. Furthermore, looking at the Facebook pictures, she has gotten even more attractive over time. Part of me would be intrigued about the romantic possibilities of the future.

But its more than that.

College was an OK time period of my life. It wasn’t great but it there were enjoyable moments. I wouldn’t call it the best time of my life but it wasn’t the worst. Post-college, ages 22-25, were the worst. Point being that I don’t completely look back at my college years with the happiness and excitement that it seems like many other people do.

I’ve been trying to run away from the college years-version of myself for a long time. Of course, moving back to the same city and even doing work there during the school year may not be the smartest method of this, but it also serves as a healing process for me.

After going through my personal experiences, both good and bad, I can look at my college years as a phase of my life that was positive overall. I was very sheltered in high school and going to college opened me to lifestyles that I’m accepting of. Looking back at the 18-year-old version of me, I see a narrow-minded individual who struggled with accepting others, especially himself.

Now at 28, I’m not perfect and don’t want to be but I’m in a better place. Most importantly, I’m more accepting of myself, realize my flaws and try to embrace them.

However, I sometimes want to go back to the 18-year-old version of me and have the mentality that I have now. It would have made things a lot easier for the younger me.

But you have to let the past go, accept your present and prepare for your future. This sounds good conceptually but in practice has difficulties.

This brings me back to Gloria. I remember my five-year college reunion during homecoming last year and seriously debated going to the alumni events. I worried what people would think of me. I was a graduate student making minimal money, single and low prospects while my old college friends were making a large amount of money, owning homes, had girlfriends, married, starting families, pretty much being successful while I feel like a failure in comparison.

I got over it by realizing that my life is my own journey and I can’t compare myself to others. I went to the events and had a good time.

Some of those less positive feelings came back when Gloria canceled our meeting.

But why am I projecting this stuff on Gloria or anyone else for that matter? Do I think that we’ll meet up again and tell me that I’m more awesome now then I was in college, which would be positive reinforcement?

In the end, when we finally do meet up, it will be all good because this is my life and should be proud of my accomplishments.

However, I still think that I want a second chance at that first impression.